Writing Blog Number 2

20240412 How To Get Your Manuscript Rejected

How To Get Your Manuscript Rejected

People always ask me how I manage to get my short stories accepted. Well... I dunno.

Sorry.

I just sell things.

But...

I can tell you how to NOT sell your story! Follow these 10 rules to ensure you never get looked at again.

1. Use your cover letter to beg the editor to buy your novel so you can afford to pay for your grandmother's hip replacement.

2. Write a cover letter telling the editor how you are the next coming of Stephen King, Isaac Asimov and JRR Tolkien all rolled into one. There is selling yourself, then there is making yourself look like a jerk.

3. Look at what the place you are submitting to is asking for and usually publishes, then just send them your favourite piece. really good to send a poem to a prose magazine, or vice versa, and horror editors love getting historical romances.

4. If the submission process says send an email, send it by snail mail; if it says send by post, send an email; if it says use the submission portal, send it by email AND snail mail (just to make sure).

5. Tell the editor that it's his job to edit your work, because you have the most unique ideas and he should be happy to just get the story; grammar and punctuation and spelling and homophones are the editor's problem.

6. Put that little copyright symbol © on each and every page, or, better yet, as a water-mark on the pages. In addition, warn the editor you will get a lawyer if he dares steal your ideas.

7. If you are rejected, respond by sending the editor the most hate-filled email telling them how stupid they are for having rejected your story.

8. If the editor makes suggestions to improve your work, in the same email, tell him that he knows nothing. How could he - he rejected you! If he makes those suggestions so he might accept the story later, tell him he doesn't have an artistic bone in his body and how dare he stifle your artistic vision.

9. Use emojis instead of words. Everywhere. In fact, don't use words. Just use emojis.

and the best way:

10. Send the manuscript without using the formatting they ask for. Use the fanciest font you can. Use large fonts and no line spacing. Colour the text; multiple colours work best. Add background colours, pictures and/or designs. After all, you're the artist! What better way to stand out than to ignore everything the editor asks for?

I hope that helps you. If you want to be rejected, these rules can help you achieve that goal.