what matters and why

the baby

 (This entry was edited by 1boy on 07-03-01 @ 8:49 am EDT)

 (This entry was edited by 1boy on 04-22-01 @ 12:19 am EDT)

9:15am
I am officially an aunt. The baby arrived yesterday afternoon, after a long labor and a c-section. We spent the entire day at the hospital, from 12:30 on. Even my 3 yr old, who did very well, considering the circumstances. He was actually very entertaining for the rest of us, doing dances, and saying silly things while we waited for the baby to be brought out of the nursery. He absolutely loves his new cousin, and couldn't give her enough kisses. It reassures me that he won't have a problem with a new sibling someday. His sister appears to be doing well, but I know it's a long road to recovery, having been there myself. A new marriage, and baby, and expecially for them, living with her mother for the first couple months will be really tough. I can't help but to be jealous that she gets to stay home for the time being. The funny thing is, she doesn't even want to. When mine was born I would have given anything to stay home with him. She has time to recover from the surgery, and she's not like me in that she will need a lot of time to herself. I wouldn't even breastfeed in front of anyone. Looking at all the babies in the nursery, all I could think was this is the best part, after all the newness of the infant wears off, and people stop visiting and helping out, you're on your own and whether you'll know what to do when it's up at 5am crying after a long night is yet to be seen. With that new infant comes a huge responsibility. I can't help but to be cynical. It's not even like mine was a bad baby, in fact, he was excellent. I was just amazed with the amount of work he required, and all I can think about when I see people with newborns is to wonder how they're handling it. But I feel as if I will be more prepared the next time around, whenever that may be. Her labor was very similar to mine, only that they had to induce. But they ended up having to get her out by cesearean, and she also weighed 8 lbs. In a horribly selfish way, I'd wished that she could have had a different experience, so mine could be special. It's awful for me to think but when she says things like, "it didn't hurt at all when they pulled her out" when I had told her it hurt terribly when he was pulled out of my belly. I feel as if she's trying to prove that she's stronger than me, she can take the pain and I can't. I don't want to be able to compare every single little thing, but that's how it turned out. We even have the same ob/gyn and now the same pediatrician. And soon, she'll live near us, her husband and mine will work in the same building. They are even considering buying a similar car. I don't know why I can't just simply be happy for them that they are doing so well, and flattered that they want to spend so much time with us, but I just can't. I am excited to spend time with the baby, though. She's adorable. Definetely not as cute as ours was when he was born, but no baby could be as perfect as him, of course.