My Conversion Story Journal

February 19, 2024

I went to shul for the first time in three weeks. All I can say is that it was pure joy. I missed my friends and my community. They seemed to miss me too. There's just something about praying in the synagogue that fills a part of my soul with joy. The people sometimes fade away and all I see is the prayer in front of me and hear the cantor chanting and the hums of the men behind the wall. Then, for a moment, it is just me and G-d. Then all the other people come back into view and I feel at home in my spirit and in my body. There is no place I would rather be on Shabbat than in shul.

The Rabbi who glows gave the message. I always had though that the part of the Torah (when I had read it previously) about the specifics of the building of the temple was boring. I didn't understand all of the details and had no one who could explain it in a way that I understood. I never understood what I was supposed to learn or apply to my own life when I read about the specs. I know that I keep saying that I love Judaism, but I do even more with each day that passes. There were so many things that I learned from a passage that I once thought was mundane and didn't apply to me. I, of course, was wrong.

The windows of the inner sanctuary were backwards. They were not made for the light to reflect inward, but rather the light was to reflect outward. Because the Jewish people are to be a light to the world, the windows were made so that the light could shine outward to the world. We know that the temple was destroyed by the Romans. The lessons of the temple still apply today. We are to shine the light of G-d out to the world.

He talked about the three pillars of Judaism (Torah, prayer, and tzedakah). As long as the three pillars of Judaism were present, G-d promised to dwell in "those places". We know that the temple was destroyed, but if the synagogue still has the three pillars. Not only should the synagogue have the pillars, but every room in our homes should as well and G-d will dwell in our homes and our light can shine out of our homes to the world. He, of course, said it so much better.

I ended my Shabbat at my dad's house. I was drilled about my beliefs, but I think for the first time, I was confident in answering every question he threw at me and countered his snide remarks with facts that he could not argue with. He drilled me with questions and my aunt drilled me with questions. I don't think the day will come that I don't get questioned, but I am getting more confident in answering the questions and standing up for my beliefs when challenged.

Thank you Hashem for this entire weekend.