My Conversion Story Journal

December 23, 2023

Tehillim (Psalms) 66: 16-20 "Come, hearken and I shall tell all you who fear God what He did for my soul. My mouth called out to Him, and He was exalted under my tongue. If I saw iniquity in my heart, the Lord does not hear it. But God heard; He hearkened to the voice of my prayer. Blessed be God, Who did not remove my prayer and His kindness from me." https://www.chabad.org/library/bible_cdo/aid/16287/jewish/Chapter-66.htm

I went to shul today. I made it there at a decent time, though still not as early as I would have liked. The service seemed to go by so fast today. Maybe because I was so absorbed in it and didn't spend time overthinking (which I often do). The message was very good and echoed a recurring theme in my studies.

This week's Torah portion was on Joseph telling his father that he was alive. The part that got me (and has gotten me before with Ester) is that G-d knew what was going to happen and sent help before it happened. G-d knew that there would be a famine, he knew that the Jewish people would become slaves, he knew he was going to rescue them, and he knew that he was going to be their G-d and them his people. He knew and he set up plan to save his people and unite them. Joseph never lost faith in the G-d of his fathers, and neither did the generations that followed.

So many times we go through struggles and ask G-d, "Why?" We cry out to him for deliverance, strength, and mercy. He already knows what we are going to go through and already has help waiting. Before we even cry out to him, he has already saved us. He knows us. He knows our heart. He knows that we are going to ask for forgiveness and turn back to him and never lose our faith in him. Because he knows us, he listens when we pray. He loves us and knows our love for him, so he answers our prayers before we even ask.

I know what the L-rd has done for my soul. For me. I know what he has saved me from. I know he has changed me . I know he hears my prayers and he answers them. G-d has told me over and over and over again the past couple of weeks that I am not alone in this. A Jew is never alone. Wherever this is Jew, there is G-d. Though I may not have technically be a Jew yet, I know that I am not alone in this. G-d is with me every second of every day.

Thank you G-d for loving me this much.