My Life, My History

A Conversation With My "Mother"

https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cx4XlIxrAbo/?igshid=NzZhOTFlYzFmZQ==

My biological mother. I use that term because my mother doesn't have, and never did have, the capacity to truly care for a child or even to comprehend how and why you need to care for a child.

I have added an excerpt below from one of my other book chapter entries that explains more about my biological mother. The full entry is here:
https://www.writing.com/main/books/entry_id/1040940-Background-Information

I was raised by my grandparents. My mother lived with us sometimes. She is schizophrenic.

Little blurb on my mom. Should probably write a bit more about her. I did a lot for her and it was total role reversal. I had to be her mom while she was the child. That’s often just the way it is when you have a parent(s) with addictions/afflictions/disorders/diseases
https://flic.kr/p/2ofBszS


I have even more info written on my mother here:

https://www.writing.com/main/books/entry_id/1045319-My-Mother

I wrote the above, and more in one of my journals that I haven't posted online yet, while attempting to make sense of why I am the way I am. Some people think there's something "wrong" with me—like my ex-husband who incessantly insisted that there was something wrong with me, that I was not normal, and that I desperately needed "help" because I wasn't all "lovey-dovey" and didn't want to please his every whim and fancy, sexual and otherwise, whenever he felt like he needed attention, and he was always attention-starved, according to him.

Anyhow some people think there's something "wrong" with me because I'm not all outwardly expressive with my emotions like most women, I don't cry easily, I don't like to talk about my "feelings", I'm not "open and vulnerable" enough, and I tend to shy away from physical contact like hugs. But those are things that just weren't really part of my family structure and my early experiences further added to me tending more towards "masculine" traits such as just sucking it up and dealing with life and not crying about dumb shit.

Further conversation with my mother about finding a job and a source of income in New York City:

https://www.instagram.com/p/C6Uyma0vadr/?igsh=bmx5eXZvbnRiejB4