My Conversion Story Journal

August 26, 2023

There are days that I have so much to say that I don't know where to begin.

Since I have to mess up something every Shabbat, let's start there. I have to admit that most of Shabbat went rather smoothly and I had a wonderful restful Friday night. I did, however, realize that I was out of grape juice only an hour before candle lighting. I also didn't have eggs (which I needed to make dinner) and a couple important small items. I went to the store at 7pm. Candle lighting was at 8:09. I was not going to get dinner finished before lighting candles. I started dinner anyway because my daughter was home for the first time to witness and participate in my Friday night candle lighting and Shabbat dinner. I lit the candles on time, but continued to finish cooking dinner after lighting the candles. A big fail.

My second failure was laundry. It was not done before dinner and I finished it after. Working on Shabbat is another failure.

Those two things were it though. I had a wonderful Shavos and am happy to share what went well. My daughter A2 was home for the first time since I started observing Shavos on Friday night because she quit her job to find one closer to home. This was exciting for me because I could share with her all that I learned and include her in the rituals and say a blessing over her.

The first thing we did together was bake challah. I had already made the dough which had been sitting in the fridge for two days (Jamie Geller's no kneed challuh recipe). We took the dough out of the fridge. I showed her how I separate the dough into different balls and strands to braid for the braided challah. I do not make enough to have to separate challah, so I have not done that yet. Yesterday was her first time braiding the strands and creating the beautiful challah bread. I showed her how to make the egg wash and she even applied the first coat. When the first two came out of the oven, she ate half a loaf! It was nice that I will be able to say that I passed something I learned on to my daughter.

I did light the candles on time, do kiddish - which she participated in as well - and welcomed in the Shabbat. She has never complimented drinking grape juice before, but I had to smile when she said that it was the most refreshing thing she had drank in a long time. There is something magical about praying over the wine (grape juice) that makes it taste better and is more refreshing. The same goes for the food eaten. The prayers add something to the taste of the food that has never been there in previous meals.

I made latkes for dinner. Though they were not perfect, they were delicious. Crispy on the outside and soft on the inside. My daughter loved them and ate quite a few. She also said that she would love to have them again. Win!

My Friday night successes did not end there. She stayed downstairs and we were able to spend time together until late in the evening when I was exhausted and went to bed. Spending that time with her and laughing as much as we did was icing on the cake. I'm so thankful for days like this and moments like that.

Today I went to shul for the second time. I drove over two and a half hours today to attend. I was delayed a couple of times so I was a bit late, but it was still worth going. Attending shul takes about nine to nine and a half hours of my day. Of those nine hours, I am driving five to six of them. Every minute of driving is worth it to attend shul.

I remember days that I sat in church and it felt like service would never end. It was very impersonal, "sit and get" with occasional singing. Shul is so different. Every second of the service is personal, from praying quietly at the beginning to the reading of torah, to the celebrations of a bar mitzvah or wedding, or a mourners kiddish, to the priestly blessing. Every moment of the service is about the individual's personal relationship with Hashem. It is about celebrating that relationship personally and with the community. I love that I can feel that personal connection with Hashem and that I'm not the only one who has that. There is so much joy, laughter, and celebration in a service mixed in with reverence, learning, Torah, and family. It is everything that a service is supposed to be, and a reason why I am so thankful to be able to be a part of it. There is no place I would rather be on Saturday.

My experience at shul today was different from last week. I threw candy at a guy getting married next week. His mother handed out candy to all the ladies (remember the men are separated by a wall) and asked them to throw candy at her son. This is, of course, all done in celebration and joy with lots of smiles and laughter. The throwing of the candy represents the wish for the couple to have a "sweet life." Not only was I able to understand what was going on this week, but I was able to follow along in the book more. This week was the end of the 30 days of mourning for a man who lost his wife. That meant he recited the mourners kiddush during the service and sponsored the kiddush luncheon after service. His son-in-law gave a speech during the luncheon.

One strange thing was repeated from last week, but by a different person. Last week after the service, a woman I met petted me on the arm and said that she was happy I was there. I didn't think anything of it. This week, while I was in line getting salad at the luncheon downstairs, a woman petted me on my back. Granted the second lady that I was someone she knew (a good sign?), but it was still weird. I haven't been pet so much since I was a child.

I still have so much more that I want to say, but it will have to wait until tomorrow. Shavua tov.