Porthole

Sommer solstice somewhere. Year 180. อายัน 2566.

Visa info: https://www.austchamthailand.com/6-ways-to-stay-in-thailand-for-the-long-term-an...

To Rosemary on fb regarding her question, "Where did last week go?":

"It went to the Old Weeks Home. They guard the memories. That's their job."

(exercise) = Exor. (observations) = obsv. (s***,shave,shower) = ss&s. (read something) = read. (comment blogs) = bogs. (BoyLove series on-line) = ytBL. (Thai TV BL series on GMMTV25) = tv25. (write poetry or prose) = PorP. (take a daily walk) = walk. (buy something) = shop. (take a photo) = foto. (video) = วิดีโอ. (speak Thai/Lao) = pôod. (learn Thai) Thai. (go-in-the-water) = pool. (clothes) = wash. (cook something) = cook. (tidy up) = mess. (travel) = trip. (noon) = เที่ยง.

25/06/66

exor. 200-75-75-300 = 650. 1,000 would be a goal. 800 an objective along the way. 79 under the clouds at 09:56.
obsv. pelos-de-gato = cat hairs = fine sprinkles like mist. herons hooting (is it mating season?). freshness of the air. Last night the pool was choppy after the storm; today it's glass. puddles. my pressure points.

Silly putty, outrage, grunts and groans... social media?

Cat-hairs. As if the herons give a hoot. They do. The morning air feels fresh after the storm.

bogs. Neil/Viv/Jeff

To Neil "A Sad Day to Rejoice"  Yes, a fighter. Almost 90. Not bad post scarlet fever. That said, every day comes to an end. Apparently she had many happy ones and bestowed blessings on everyone she met.

"Floating on a Sea of Guilt Ridden Relief"  Family is an important part of a hospital stay in Thailand. They assume everyone has family and that family will visit, feed and look after needs. Families tend to be strong here; but, not everyone has one.

When my mother died last year at age 99 I felt a certain-lightening. Fortunately, my sister was there and it was her time-to-go.

The rage isn't good. It's understandable though. Had a good discussion about rage last night. The air-between-us seems clearer now. After the storm... the calm.

Stuff. You will find new homes for some of it, choose to keep some of it, realize that with every touch you are touching something your mother once held. If you ever feel overwhelmed... let it out.

Life is a series of wounds and healing.

vpbanjo Viv re "Dream Voyage: Revisited" : comment in her notebook: "I don't review because I'm not qualified; plus, dreams are quirky.

A blow-by-blow account of the storm (dropping into it or severely clipping the intro - the epilogue may need a word or two added, the gravelly shore was warm, grass green, trees unbent, rocks solid beneath me something short, sweet and concrete) would provide the focus for a flash fiction. 500 words? Less? More?

Questions... what kind of boat? It doesn't matter in a dream, but details make a better story. What colors, sizes, shapes can be added? What sounds, smells, touch, tastes (eating anything when the storm hit? did you keep it down?). Add a back-up boiler and make it steampunk! Whatever works.

This can be worked with.

Personally, I'm frightened of water. I bob, don't swim. A barrel would be comforting in some ways."

To Jeff "Christian Q&A + Faith" : "I'm not a Christian (no problems with Jesus). But I'll try to answer this as a Baha'i.

I would repeat the three Onenesses: God is One, God's Messengers come from the same Source, Mankind is One. It has guided my life and how I act. We do not have rituals; but, I could work on prayer and being more mindful in my interactions with others.

In Montana there's a mix of religious beliefs but many are Christians. In Thailand Theravada Buddhism is official but there's freedom of affiliation. In both places I need to be aware of the importance of ritual to others.

My life has not been blessed by the criteria often cited by Americans; but, I've been blessed in other ways. I don't consider any burden to be placed by God. However, many of God's "followers" have been brutal in their narrow application of my-way-or-the-highway.

I bear no cross; I seek no salvation. That's the burden borne by others."

เที่ยง. Cloudy and 82 degrees at 12:37.

Thai. Daily https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1RQKqZu8HU
pood.
walk. Spoke to Ann at market.
วิดีโอ. at wet-market.
foto.
tv25. Zero {Earth/Mix}

24/06/66

It's been a shitty 30 hours... posted elsewhere... if I'm moved to share.

exor. 200/50/50/300 = 600. Not into it but managed. 88 degrees at 09:57.
ss&s. Twice... see above comment.

To Jeremy (soul-writer) "Repeat Until Death" : "For some 1+1 = 3. My parents were like that in some ways. But me?

I remember Kevin. I still call out his name. A part of me died when he cut me off after 24 years of friendship. It was bad timing and became a part of a downward spiral for 4 years.

But time moved on even if I didn't. After 20 years would I like to hear from him? You betcha."

To (cmstarrett) Charity "A New Beginning" : "When I travel I take things that I cannot easily replace... like my chromebook and charger... never forget the charger! And my extra pair of glasses (and prescription) because I've been known to misplace them. Clothes can be bought and so can toothpaste. You have wheels so no need for 50 triple-rolls of TP. Living on less though can be challenging. Following a minimalist approach might be best on-the-road.

In hostels people bring books to read and then purposely leave them and pick up a new one. (Little libraries may become your friend. If you stop on libraries along the way, a donated book of yours may be appropriate. ) Same with shampoo or anything difficult to travel with. They leave it! Someone else may just need it that day. It's acknowledging that needs will always be provided. Wants? Make that a short list. Like that bracelet. Want it? Focus on what is necessary to achieve it.

I use my place in Montana as a livable live-in quasi storage unit. I have less here. That said, it's time to unclutter here and there. Next stage of your interesting life... enjoy it."

To NormaJean "Cheep! Cheep! Cheep!" : "Not gluing back the pieces? Kintsugi came to mind, but that's with gold. Worth it if it were a special heirloom or one-of-a-kind.

Jumpy? I mean... you could write about a nervous shelf that just couldn't hold on any longer!

I knew about chicks in the mail, but that's a very old memory, possible from Kansas/Nebraska, 70s.

We have local roosters. The night herons hoot; the mynas chatter, the finches twitter, the swallows silently swoop."

เที่ยง. 12:35: 34°C 93°F; Humidity: 57%; Wind: 13 km/h

77°F Humidity: 90% Wind: 18 mph after the storm. It was wonderful! Thunder, lightning, whoosh! Doors slamming, things being blown about. I love storms.

It's now 17:10 and I need to go for a walk.

"A thousand words" Awful movie they say, but "A thousand leaves" would make a good short story or poem. you die as the last leave falls.

Chris Carpenter re homelessness: Or both. Anyone with an extra bedroom can take in someone or even a family. Many would love to have a room of their own. Me? I've walked the walk. I took in refugees without a questionnaire and no monetary support. Why? Because there was a need and I had an empty bedroom.

Chris Carpenter I was homeless for 2 years. I did not use drugs and I wasn't a criminal. Yes, there are those who do and are; but, when you've met one homeless person, you've met ONE homeless person. I do agree about developers, but common people, churches, local governments and laws (number of people per unit) are as much to blame. My conclusion? It's mean-spirited people who are the main problem. Kindness has been demonized. Helping has been criminalized. And homelessness has been monetized!

Re mental illness... it' has taken over 6 months for Pan to explain his illness. I'm sure there are more details but it's progress.

walk. spoke with John (Liverpool) and Nok. Also Memi.
foto.
shop. fish, linchee, ice cream...
pood.
Thai. criticism/disapproval https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWl6BkBghTg
tv25. Zero... but I've seen it before so I didn't pay close attention.

23/06/66

To Sonali re "06/22/2023-'hollow'" : "I really like this. This message is 'solid'.

I'd tweak it to make sure the rhythm is perfect though because it demands a smooth flow (like a flute). The rhymes work (wallow/follow not many options with hollow.)

Consider:

I'm saying (you/I/we) need not dwell or wallow.
Some things NEED to be hollow."

To Elycia re "Pocket Letters Pending " : "Cute but it would need to be sent as a package?

I truly need to make some small booklets that fit into a regular size envelope (that varies by country; in the US a sheet of paper folded twice works; in Thailand?). If I'm smart I could hand-write, draw and print (adding color with pencils to personalize). I've printed out booklets in the past.

I keep forgetting that you're part of the Snail Mail group. "

To Rhychus re "Safe from the fire below"  "I do like this! Love the line Myself, the bain of all ants. but I read it as 'brain' did you mean 'bane'? I like 'brain' better because it jars the... brain.

I'd work with rhythm a bit to smooth the flow. Add a syllable, take one out. Maybe use 'can't' or 'don't' instead of 'doesn't' in line 5. And 'surely shows' instead of 'does show' in line 10 and 'volition' or 'permission' instead of 'the will' in line 11.

It comes close to traditional forms (ballad comes to mind) so maybe this or one of your other poems would fit the Trad Poems contest once Brenda starts it up again."

"We're all just farts in the wind." "Fireproof"  by Vanishing Vapor

exor. 150/50/50/150 = 400. Very hot. 97 degees at 15:15.
ss&s.
BBBP. 2 entries "After the solstice "  "Trolling for the thoughts of fish" 
walk. UD Town. Memi มีมี่ runs tours.
ytBL. Home School. I'm beginning to understand it and it's value.
Thai. Many. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xIMKnbGb5g
tv25. Be My Favorite.
pôod. A little.
foto.

22/06/66

exor. 200/50/50/200 = 500. 86 degrees at 08:50. But shade!
ss&s.

To Stik: "I'd be hysterical. Losing control is one of my major issues. I go into fight and flight (both modes) and would prolly bite you!

Gay/straight liaisons ... the "straight" man is often the submissive ... perhaps to try it out?

Anyhoo... there are lots of straight men who might say yes but ask gay men as well. The camera doesn't know the difference.

As for handcuffs... no and no."

To Lyn: "Up and walking. Yep. To either prevent clots or pneumonia, or both. The ice machine is a nice touch.

My left hip has given me issues, but sporadically. I'm careful when I exercise but need to be more careful when I walk. I put 'walking' on my daily to-do list because I sit too much.

We don't have hummingbirds here in Thailand. Finches galore though. We have birds that hoot. I believe they are night herons. Lots of myna birds and doves. Our grounds are kept immaculate but flowers = bugs and bugs = birds. We're a happy bunch. The unkempt lots and areas along the railroad tracks also help."

To Storm: "I have little problem beginning things. My issue is finishing them.

Blood of the Garlic comes to mind. It started as stories, and maybe that's what they intend to be. Same with Space Cadet, although that has more of a narrative.

I haven't looked into printing out copies on paper, but I should. That may help me with the editing and sorting process.

I've reread old works that I've forgotten, amazed that I wrote them. If only I could move on from traumas that easily. That said, it can be easier to find flaws when a piece has mouldered for a while."

bogs. Stik/Lyn/Sesheta
ytBL. Home School is 'dark' and may be difficult for me in spite of the intrigue.
Thai. Eating. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OiR6ErzltdM

เที่ยง. 34°C 93°F; Humidity: 53%; Wind: 11 km/h; mostly sunny

21/06/66 Wed, Jun 21, 2023 9:57 PM Bangkok อายัน (solstice)

The storm last night cleared things out! Beautiful dawn (somehow I was up and caught pink sky in the north-west). Blue skies when I did my exercises.

exor. 200/50/75/200 = 525. 81 degrees at 10:15. Late.
ss&s.

Pan cooked up rice to eat with potato, sliced green papaya (malaga = มะละกอ), and shrimp. Very good. I can eat things better when they are thoroughly cooked.

That said... Pan is fading in and out of Neverland.

เที่ยง. Mostly sunny; 34°C 93°F; Humidity: 53%; Wind: 13 km/h

bogs. Nikola/Jim/Neil

To Jim: "Enjoy Wyoming. It's been wet in Eastern Montana, cold (and frosty) in Western Montana and it's never predictable in Denver... so good luck.

Good to know that you have your bag. My luggage is getting old. Pull tab issues? Yeah. I do have one small advantage though ... I only do carry-on."

To Neil: "A hopeless romantic trapped in the mind of a scared little boy and the body of a middle-aged man? I don't like the sound of that at all.

I was middle-aged once... once upon a time.

My boyfriend is on some serious drugs. One side effect is near-impotence. I'm certain it bothers him more than he acknowledges. He's a snuggler but not a kisser. I miss kisses. Pecks count but...

I could easily find someone else to satisfy sexual needs. Very easy here in Thailand. And age isn't an issue in Thailand. Neither is gender or most anything else. If it fits... it fits.

But... (you can fill in the blank with everything you've said). "

อาข = power
วิษุวัต = equinox
อายัน = solstice

ytBL. To 36:11. Started “Home School นักเรียนต้องขัง” Gonna be dark and spooky? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQl8Qh_8iXU

Thai. Formal/informal https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3353ucQGOTo
read. Finished "Invalid Item" 

To Stephen: "Fast forward 2000 ... or was it 2001? Maybe not so alright. Zoe is now 13-14. Maybe the crisis lies elsewhere? Back in the USA?

Fast forward again. 2020 ... yet another crisis where the enemy/villain is invisible and hidden.

In essence mother and father save their child. But Christian... Stephanie will be haunted by that and unanswered questions. 2000? She'd be around 24. Did her family move to America?

By 2020 Zoe would be 33. What would she remember about Adelaide and her childhood. Her father? Would anything repeat? The gov... all govs would be distracted by other impending emergencies.

I do think a couple more books could be written. Characters would change. But then... in 20-30 years many things change. As have you!

This piece is rooted in a place and time that you knew very very well. No need to update. It's authenticity is grounded.

But... 2020... you could write another piece rooted in Adelaide and the reality you were surrounded with at that time. Not the happiest of years? Use the painful memories to write.

The more difficult work would be 2000-2001 if you chose to do it. Especially if you moved it to America. Lots of research. This was pre-facebook and twitter both of which would reference and ground 2020. 2000-2001... Y2K, September 11th... people still used land-phones and phone booths! Russia had opened up and China was opening. In the USA there was fear, but not the trauma that followed. Australia?

My life was fraught with pain 2000-2003 so... I try to forget that time and place; but pain can lead to stories... some of them gory.

You may ask whether I liked it. Hard to say. I don't "enjoy" horror. That said, it was a good read and an aficionado of horror could give a better critique."

walk.
foto.
shop. Pork, snakehead; clothespins. Pan bought 60 bottles of water earlier.
pool. Talked Pan into swimming. Very important for both of us (for different reasons).
pôod. nidnoi.

tvBL. none tonight.

20/06/66

exor. 200/100/100/400 = 79 degrees at 08:11.

I was up and out earlier. Ran into David and a couple from Poland who recommended the mountains and 'blue' lagoon of Vang Vieng.

To Angie: "I'm old enough to have felt recycled a few times. I wrote about living in inner city neighborhoods "Juneteenth"  but I'm not satisfied with the results. Too rambling. Too unfocused.

Thailand will 'heal me or break me' or so they say. It's just wearing me out. Just another place that tourists claim to be Paradise. It isn't. The daily mundane blah of it all grinds me down. There has been some recent progress; but, it's not enough.

Anyhoo... thanks for the badge. "



To Jim: "So... you have adult kids by now... 35 plus... 4? 6?

So if this were 1988 I have no memories of that year (car accident).

Petra reminded me of her contest and I should enter 'just because'. So many ways I could approach this. You chose 'memories'. I have too many. Even my entry on "Juneteenth" was hard to write (because I wasn't focused and I was avoiding certain images that kept coming to mind). It rambles and I'm not happy with it.

Your response was easy to read and to-the-point. I should emulate your style."

To Harlow: "I don't believe in the literal Heaven/Hell dichotomy so popular among certain sects of Abrahamic religions and I'm opposed to using it as a cudgel of control and obedience. I grew up among German-Americans who were brutal in this respect. No respect for diversity. Big on judgement. Adverse to tolerance.

The Baha'i Faith teacher that our Soul comes from God and returns to God (kinda like a library loan). The body returns to dust. Here in Thailand Theravada Buddhism has rituals but death isn't to be feared. It's the fear that is used to control imho.

However... Anxiety-Depression is my hyphenated middle name. I use Liam here in Thailand. Eternity? Not in this body! Consciousness? That would be interesting. But we have books and songs for that. The handed-down (written or oral) thoughts of the Ancients still surround us like water."

To TJ: "This literally happens! Especially in the SouthWest US where rains can be sudden and brutal and flood downriver where it's sunny and dry on high banks and mud on the flats."

To Whirls: "Every time I cook it's an original dish. I don't follow recipes and even if I did the results would be unique. I prefer variety. Even though the ingredients may be found everywhere the combination is inspired by that moment.

Want the same-o same-o? Go directly to McDonald's... do not stop at a bank along the way.

So... no... your word salad is gathered and tossed. It's the combination that is a part of you, vomited on the page."

Bogs. Whirls/Jim/TJ/Harlow

Unfortunately, I understand this. https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-i-was-too-busy-to-sort-through-the...

ss&s.
เที่ยง. 86 degrees at 12:22 mostly cloudy.
Thai. "Ia, uea, ua" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkgU5IZKLzQ
walk. Just Nong Bua.
foto. In park.
ytBL. Last Twilight ภาพนายไม่เคยลืม just the trailer. Sea/Jimmy couple. Sea is blind.

8 pm. Blustery, lightning.

tv25. But I wasn't into it... again.

Not a very productive day for me. Pan got his shirts mailed to folks who bought them. That was positive.

19/06/66

To Norma Jean: "A very green Montana from all I'm reading and seeing in the photos. Scott posted a photo of where he is... I responded... is it always that green?

Here it's green. The rains came and poured a bit. Yesterday we had some rain it's pregnant-cloudy again today.

The long range forecast isn't good though. El ninho leads to drought in this region.

My constant anxiety is causing some issues. At the moment it's peaceful."

"People disappear for so many reasons. I'm sure folks wondered after I ran away... I kept everyone at a distance. After this much time...

I'm sitting here snacking on a sticky mix of puffed rice, sesame seeds, and peanuts while Pan hugs me. Last night I had rice with squid and pork. I met someone from Sweden yesterday, will finish reading Stephen-in-Adelaide's novel today, and I will study and speak Thai.

I doubt any of this would have happened if I hadn't run away."

"No Ekalaka? I've met two people from there... but does anyone ever go there? Same with Broadus I suspect.

A Burger Trail is a cute concept and makes people aware of the small town diners. Once McDonalds moves in they're gone.

I want to do a photo shoot with Pan but Stand here, do this. Wait - don't eat that yet, but pretend to take a bite. Smile - act like this is the most wonderful day of your life! is a foreign concept to him unless he's allowed to look like he stepped out of GQ.

No desk, no service is the trend nowadays in many parts of the world. Cheaper for the owners. Great for human-phobes. I am not impressed and try to avoid them.

In May I arrived after midnight in Bangkok. Apple was there to check me in. As she was the time before in January."

To Patricia: "I really love this. My mother lived to be 99, but yes, the mother-wound.

I think this could be made into a flash fiction and entered in one of the myriad contests here (unless you have already). Someone needs to read it.

"Found on the internet: 'From Anthropocene to “Symbiocene” – Symbioscene
When thinking about a good name for our initiative, we stumbled across the term Symbiocene. It has been coined in 2011 by Glen Albrecht. He uses this term to argue that human history should enter a new era that is characterized by harmonious interactions between humans and all other living beings.' I don't think I've heard the term used before, so thank you for making me aware of it."

To Neil: ""Seventh Seal" and the chess game between Death and Max von Sydow comes to mind. Of course Death wins! Death always does. But... it's the game that's important and what one does with however much time one has to live.

Live!"

bogs. Norma/Pat/Neil
exor. 250/50/100/250 = 650. Hand movements for pesky flies! Saw David.
เที่ยง. 84 degrees at noon and cloudy.
ss&s. A bit late, but better than never. Ate with Pan afterwards.
Thai. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRYjsM1HQO8
read. Chp. 33 & 34. Almost finished. "Invalid Item" 
ytBL. Just a preview but something... หัวใจในสายลม Dangerous Romance
walk. Bought 2 dumplings. Spoke to Jari.
obsv. Big cloud, hands waving, bee sipping yellow tubes, jet, flies... will I miss them, decrescendo of the doves, muted music from an open door A2, someone in the window C2 705, I waved.
tv25. โคตรเหงา เรา 2 คน Loneliness Society. Hard for me to get into.

To Adherennium "Days are what they are. Yesterday was squid and pork and rice noodles. Today...

Cloudy with fitful outbreaks of sun.

Thanks for the badge."

And...

Honourable Mention in "Shadows and Light Poetry Contest"  for "HERE LIES A QUEER " .

And...

Juneteenth

7496