Meth: a Ticking Timebomb Gone Viral

A Worthwhile Plan. Part I.

It's confession time. Forgive me Father for I haven't sinned...well, I have had some thoughts about sins of the flesh, but that is to be expected when you consider the last time I had sex with another person was in December 2016.

Since then, I've been occupied to the point where I couldn't begin to consider dating. Some of the things occupying my time have been honourable, whilst others, have not. I would never enter into a potential relationship whilst I am using drugs. That would not be Ok on so many levels. And when a person takes on the responsibility of caring for an older person like a parent, it usually goes from a place where the level of care required is less, and then becomes more demanding over time. So, committing to another is simply not possible or more to the point, feasible.

Meth causes extreme everything...when high, extreme sexual desire and when not, very low sexual desire. Happiness follows along the same lines, as does bank account balances except in the opposite.

But when I am sober (after enough time has passed to completely clear the system), sexual desire evens out and thoughts of dating inevitably return. Now, I'm no dummy even if I often do dumb things and I realise that there is more to dating than thoughts of a sexual nature. And that's only one component of a very complex series of ritualistic actions and reactions that must be negotiated before having any chance of actually finding someone who might fit my personality, match my chemistry and so many other things that must go as close to perfect as possible to have any chance of discovering 'the one'. And that's assuming there really is that one person out there.

Add to all of that the fear things will go awry and I will end up being hurt. Or worse still, I will end up hurting someone else. All things I am very unsure of and that in itself could set me up for failure and assure disappointment. Of course, love is life's gamble and unless you are willing to lose, then you lose anyway.

With no drugs in my life now, this becomes a problem for me for many reasons. Add drugs to my life and some of these problems are taken away, but as we all know, many more are then created.

Isn't it ironic that no matter what we do in life; no matter our choices, there can never be a perfect solution? If there are gains, there will also be losses. Positives vs negatives and there is never any escaping this fact. Weighing things up and making smart choices does make sense, but you can never know what you've got until it is gone, and you can never know what you will have until you do, linger in my mind long after the courage required to take the leap has dwindled.

There are no freebies in life. Every decision gives but also takes away. It's not fair, but there's no point in complaining because we are all in the same boat and dealing with the same things on one level or another.

The poor wish they were rich, without knowing how a rich person feels about those around them. Who loves them for who they are and who is there only because of that wealth would be so difficult to deal with. As would being poor.

Lucky for me I have an alternate plan, and one that will be more rewarding and worthwhile than any search for love could ever be.