Alotta Monkey Business

Midnight Boxing (WC 694, Rated ASR)

Have you ever gotten tipsy, inebriated, or drunk? If you remember what happened, tell us about it. If you don't remember, make something up. If you never were, explain why you shouldn't be banned from the Banana Bar.


This prompt is kind of in-depth (not any more than some of the others) so I thought about writing this after a few cocktails this evening. However, I doubt I would get inebriated since I'm tired and would end up falling asleep long before drunkenness encroaches.

Ah, inebriation; intoxication, under the influence, tipsy, bombed, plastered, smashed, three sheets in the wind, tanked, hammered, pickled, soused, drunk as a skunk, and the list goes on. I think a person could write quite a piece just on all the various terminology for drunk.

But that's not what the prompt asks. It inquires if I have ever been drunk. Yes, I have gotten sauced a time or more. Have I ever been so drunk I couldn't remember? No, I have not. I have had difficulty remembering for a while, but once the fog clears, the memories return; they're not crystal clear, but they're there.

Since I've gotten juiced more than once, I would have to work through the instances to explain what happened. In most cases, not a lot; I came, I drank, I went home. If I was planning on drinking enough to get schnockered, I would drink at home and save myself the trouble of calling for a ride home or paying for a taxi.

There was one instance where I got s***faced with my two sons and daughter. We were at home and enjoying a pleasant evening with a fire and some drinks. After the fire died down, we retired to the house and engaged in some board games as we continued to consume alcoholic beverages. Of course, there was a lot of laughing and screwing around as we all got tanked. Then, an argument commenced over some trivial part of the game, which was even funnier since we were all fully stewed by this time.

I decided the best way to settle the argument was by getting out the boxing gloves and stepping outside. The two older kids put on the gloves, I reffed and my daughter watched. It didn't last long, since they were both having difficulty standing up. It was hilarious. After a few minutes, they decided I should put on the gloves so they could laugh.

Being totally sloshed, I thought this was a good idea, I put on a pair of gloves and the oldest and I went at it. Of course, neither of us managed to land any punches to amount to anything, so the middle son took his turn. After he fell twice, he took the gloves off and crawled off to the side. His equilibrium was defunct enough that he just could not maintain his footing on the slope of the yard.

That left my youngest, my daughter. She put the gloves on and stepped up to the battle. I took it easy at first, not wanting to injure her, but after she nailed me with a right hook that left my head spinning (more than it already was) and my lip bleeding, I decided that maybe taking it easy wasn't the wisest choice. I swung, she blocked, I swung again and as my arm arched towards her, she landed a left to my face as she ducked under my sedated swing. Before I could recoup myself, her right landed squarely in my face. Being on a hill, looped, and slammed hard in the face, I went over backward.

It hurt even through the numbing effects of the alcohol, so I took the gloves off and threw in the towel. We all laughed as we staggered back inside for another drink, then put ourselves to bed. Everyone was feeling under the weather come morning, but I felt even worse with my bottom lip swollen to almost double its normal size, but that was nothing compared to my black and purple, swollen almost shut, left eye...

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"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." T.J.