Odd O'blography

Balloon Wine

I sometimes wonder about the mental process that led our ancestors to brew beer. It may not be rocket science, but it is somewhat complicated. Beer production starts with soaking barley and allowing it to germinate. Then the malt is mashed and steeped to release the starches and sugars. Hops and spices are added to enhance the flavor and the wort is boiled. Then yeast is added, and fermentation can begin. The process takes three weeks or more depending on the type of beer. Then the finished brew must be bottled and aged for a month or more to smooth the final product. It's difficult for me to imagine the centuries of trial and error that culminated in modern brewing.

Wine, on the other hand, is almost inevitable. Once you've squeezed out some fruit juice, it merely takes a couple of weeks of lazy inattention to achieve fermentation. I bought a gallon jug of pure apple cider last fall and set it out on the deck (because the fridge was full). Our deck is on the shady north side of the house, so the outside temperatures were cool. I enjoyed a glass of fresh apple cider every day for a week or so. Then the appeal faded, and I forgot about the jug for a few days.

There was still about a quart of cider when I finally got back to it, and I heard a noticeable 'whoosh' of released pressure when I removed the cap. I knew very well what had happened and decided to try a sip of the now 'hard' cider. It wasn't half bad, slightly fizzy, tangy on the tongue, and definitely alcoholic. Unlike the recipe for beer, this kind of serendipitous discovery is easy to understand.

The cider incident reminded me of making balloon wine when I was in high school. I don't remember where I came across the idea, but it was dead simple, so I had to give it a try. All it takes is a couple of cans of grape juice concentrate, water, sugar, yeast, a glass jar with a narrow neck, and a party balloon.

The grape juice can be red, white, or even rosé (if you use a can of each). The resulting liquid will almost fill a gallon jug and adding an extra cup of sugar ensures that the little yeasties are well motivated to excrete alcohol. I didn't know any better, so I snuck a pinch of baker's yeast from my mom's spice cabinet. The wine probably tastes better with real brewer's yeast, but it's alcohol either way.

The balloon is kept deflated while being stretched over the neck of the jug and then the 'wine vat' is hidden in the back of your closet where mom won't find it. The balloon magically rises and expands as fermentation gets underway. Three weeks later, the balloon will sag a bit to signal that the ordinary grape juice has miraculously become fine wine.

There'll be a surprising amount of sediment on the bottom, and yeast poop is not tasty at all, so that needs to be separated out. We had a milk strainer (and a milk cow), so I used one of those paper filters and a funnel to carefully decant my wine into another clean jug. It's recommended that the wine age for three to six months before drinking.

I didn't have the patience to wait for six months (or even one month), so my friends and I drank it 'raw'. And that's the way I remember it going down.