My Life, My History

A Jacket Saved My Life

A jacket saved my life here.
https://goo.gl/maps/wcXpKtf9WV9SecD69

Early October 1999.

My "boyfriend" RAH, had forced his way back into the basement suite and was raging. I had broken up with up and asked him to leave because he knocked me out cold for my 19th birthday. September 17, 1999. I remember drinking beer. Molson Canadian, as far as I remember. He accused me of hiding money from him. I had just started working at White Spot in August of 1999. I had gotten maybe 2 paycheques by my birthday, if I remember correctly. He was still not working, because he didn't work or contribute anything. He demanded that I hand all money over to him, which I did, because if I didn't, he would kick the shit out of me. I told him that I had given him all the money from my paycheque, but he didn't believe me. He got so mad and started throwing me around. Then, I remember a fist coming towards me and then nothing.

I woke up the next morning and my head was pounding. It hurt so much. I went into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I had dried blood all over my face and my eyes were swollen shut. My nose was huge and my eyes were starting to bruise. All I remember worrying about was what was I going to do about work? I was scheduled to work an evening shift and how was I supposed to go to work looking like this?

I remember telling RAH how was I supposed to work like this and he said I guess you'll have to call in. I couldn't use the phone that was at the house because it was broken. I had tried to call the police for help on a few occasions previously and he ripped the phone out of the wall and threw it at me. I ducked. I was used to ducking flying projectiles by this point. Bottles, cans, dishes, belts, chains, dog leashes/collars, knives, furniture, whatever was close by and he could throw at me, he would.

Anyhow, he accompanied me to the payphone, as I was never allowed to make a phone call without him being in earshot. I never had privacy. He had to know everything I said and did. I explained that I couldn't come in for my shift because my eyes were swollen shut. I managed to whisper into the phone that I got punched. RAH got really mad about that, but I wasn't sure what else I was supposed to say to explain how my eyes got swollen and my face was all messed up.

I went to work the next day. Felt really embarrassed and awkward about it. There was no hiding it with makeup. Most customers just said nothing, but I remember a couple of them saying something along the lines of, "I hope the other girl looks worse." I just laughed with them awkwardly. They didn't know and were just trying to be nice. I certainly don't fault them for that. Having a laugh despite it all was good as it made me feel better for a fleeting moment. Better than nothing, eh? 😊

Anyhow, things were really escalating with RAH and I asked him to leave. I told him I did not love him at all and that I felt nothing for him and could no longer tolerate the abuse. I remember being super calm about it all. He eventually left, but came back a few days later really raging. Probably high on meth or something... coming down from a bender.

He barricaded me inside the basement suite. It lasted for hours. I tried to leave a few different ways, but got blocked no matter where I turned to or what I tried to do. I tried one window, but he grabbed me and threw me and blocked it with an armchair. I made a run for the broken phone, but he ripped it out of the wall and threw it. Smashed it into pieces. I tried another window, but he grabbed me again and threw me and blocked that one with furniture too. I ran into the bathroom at one point and managed to lock the door behind me. I opened the window and was just starting to crawl out, but he had since popped the door open with a knife and was pulling me back in. I fought to try and push myself out of the window anyhow, then he just started to slam the window shut on me. They were old fashioned windows so thin and the metal was digging into my side so bad. I remember it felt like it would cut my stomach wide open from my side if I kept fighting and he kept pushing the window hard so I finally relented and pleaded with him to stop. I let him pull me back inside because I didn't want to get sliced in half by a window.

I remember being on the ground in the bathroom as he threw me there after pulling me back in from trying to crawl out the window. I remember crawling backwards slowly towards the door as he stood over me yelling just trying to look or think of something else I could do to get out of the house alive. He was livid by this point. I made my way back into the living room by crawling backwards out of the bathroom door while he kept looming over me, yelling and getting in my face. Then, he pinned me down on the ground. He had a razor blade in his hand. He told me he was going to slit my wrists and my throat and rape me while he watched the life drain out of my eyes. I was certain that I was going to die by this point. Then, I remember him saying something about getting a knife from the kitchen, which was only about 2 steps away from where I was on the ground. He got off me for a moment and I sprung up off the ground and ran for the front door. He had previously locked it and chained it and barricaded it with the kitchen table when I tried to escape through that route earlier in the ordeal.

I don't know exactly how I did it, if I just moved at superhuman speed or had help from some sort of guardian angel, but I managed to throw the kitchen table out of my way, unlock the door, remove the chain, open the door, and then just started to step outside when he grabbed the back of my jacket. I remember without any hesitation, I just let my arms go down and put them straight behind me and kept moving. The jacket slipped off me, and I ran upstairs to the neighbours front door. I knocked on their door and asked them to please call the police. I didn't have to explain much as my eyes were still all bruised up. Pretty sure my lip was cut and swollen at this point too, but maybe that was from the birthday beating, I am not 100% sure. They called the police and I sat and waited on their front porch for the police to arrive.

Note about the jacket: I received this jacket from a man at Main and Terminal (Main St/Science World Skytrain station) one night when I was squeegeeing. I was really cold and I didn't have a jacket or a sweater. I remember just trying to stay moving because that will keep you a bit warmer. A man carrying a full garbage bag came by and talked to me for a minute. I don't remember the whole conversation, but he mentioned that I looked cold. I told him yes, I was cold. He pulled out a jacket and gave it to me. He had just come from doing his laundry. I wore that jacket every day for a long time. It kept me very warm and eventually saved my life. I don't know who you are, but I want to say thank you so much for helping me that night. It was so nice to not be cold. I hate being cold. Also, the jacket you gave me saved my life. If I hadn't been wearing that jacket, I would have been pulled back into the basement suite that day and been killed.

The police were very nice, but unfortunately, they couldn't really do much to keep me safe. I told them I didn't feel safe there and that he had a key to the house, so I couldn't stay there. I didn't want to press charges. I was scared to. I didn't want to have to go to court and hash everything out and have some prosecutor lawyer do everything he could to humiliate me and make me feel like it was all my fault, because let's face it, that's what they get paid to do, right? Just like in rape cases. Why go to court to be humiliated and shamed? It's a messed up system. Anyhow, I told them that I just wanted to move on with my life and not be bothered. They told me there was nothing they could do if I didn't want to press charges.

I already knew all about restraining orders and how useless they are anyhow because I have a very dear family member who was in an abusive relationship years before me. They essentially can't do much about threats. But the threats are real, so why do you have to wait until something actually happens before you follow through on protecting people? It doesn't make any sense. I think there have been some changes since then, but it's still not very protective towards the person who is on the receiving end of the abuse. And if the other person has money to pay for a fancy lawyer, then it doesn't matter what you do or say. Money talks in the world of the law and justice is not always served. It's more of a performance of who can interpret and twist the laws to their benefit and sway the jury or judge. May the best talker win, right?

Side note: I previously mentioned how I stayed with this "man" because he threatened to kill my grandmother and mother if I ever left him. This was the only time I was not thinking about them. The survival instinct is very strong when you are faced with the certainty of death. All you think about it how are you going to get out, how are you going to live, how are you going to survive the encounter. It was just me vs "the man" and I fought for my life. And I won. I'm still here. 🖤