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Life after death |
Still pondering this existence and swirling in the uncertainties of my next step forward. Never to be truly accepted seems to be the theme of my life no matter where I am or who I am surrounded by. Family, I suppose, is the one truth. The one constant slowly ebbing away. There are so few left I hold my memories close to my heart. The two I held dearest are just faint lights in my mind now. My heart is heavy with sorrow. I am unsure how it heals. Perhaps it never does. The scars and pain make it harder, but also more resistant to the onslaught of neverending arrows. Poison-tipped, fiery arrows that shock you like lightning bolts out of a thunderous rage being shouted out at you by the thoughts of others. Will it ever end? That rage seems to be directed towards me, but is it all just in my head? I am not sure anymore what is real and what I just imagine in my head. Not sure that imagination is necessarily a detriment, but I don't know how many others can understand the depths of my mind and not judge it To be just another crazy person. A misguided woman. I know who I am, but I have tried to present an image more acceptable - to the world - to society - to the people I am surrounded by. I think, I know I can just be myself, but it takes great strength in the face of others who would love to bring me down and crush me just so they can feel better. Just because they don't know how to just be. Be one with the world. Be one with others. Allow the feelings to swirl around, take over for awhile. Just to remove yourself from your own torturous mind. Be at peace. Like a diamond washing away to the sea depths. Waiting to be cleansed by the salt and rough water. Only to be thrown aside by the waves |