Short Stories and poems

The Job Interview

An Elf Woman applies for a Job, and finds a Surprise.

Alycia looked at the name of the restaurant. Draco’s Den was the name on the sign, along with the painting of a green dragon. There was also a note by the doorway, along with an image. The image was that of a human-like figure with what looked like an apple in their mouth, on what looked to be a platter, looking like it was about to be served to what looked to be a very happy dragon. The note stated “All Humanoids and Sapient Beings Served Are Properly and Legally Procured.”

Alycia gulped, as she realized the implications behind the image and the note. It wasn’t illegal to eat the flesh of humanoids, or other beings, but certain formalities had to be observed, unless one wanted to end up on a platter themselves. She stepped inside, hoping that she wouldn’t end up on the menu.

Aside from the green dragon sitting in the corner, the place was empty. Well, maybe not exactly empty, for the elf could hear the sounds of chefs and cooks preparing some of the meals for later.

“Come here,” the dragon said, indicating a table with a chair. “I don’t eat perspective employees, unless they’ve done something to deserve it.”

“Not exactly a welcoming speech,” Alycia said, as she walked over.

“I believe in being honest with perspective employees,” the dragon said. “I once had a chef – very good at what he did – that turned out to be a murderer that tried to dispose of the remains through my restaurant. I was not pleased when I saw a human that I know hadn’t been brought in by my procurer about to be served at the table of a friend of mine, and I was even less pleased to find out that the one that did the deed had been my chef. The guards found the remains of several more victims at his home, in one stage of butchering or another. He thought that he could get away with the deed because I’d arranged the procurement of a human that had been the victim of a mugging gone wrong. Problem was, the victim I’d purchased was male, and not the female that he’d tried to serve to my friend. Luckily for me, this had been the first victim he’d tried to slip by, so my business’s integrity was intact, and I’d cooperated with the guards at any rate. Such cooperation has its benefits, like being the one to purchase him from the Meat Market after a fair trial found him Guilty and sentenced him to Death. Of course, I give him the option of deciding how he was to be prepared – if nothing else, that orc knew his cooking skills, and he tasted delicious.”

“Is this some sort of cautionary tale?” Alycia asked.

“Yes, and it’s a big one,” the dragon said. “Now, Alycia Windwalker, is it?”

“Yes.”

“I’m Draco, and as you can tell, I own this place, and as you can figure out, we are known for legally and properly procured sapient meals,” the dragon said. “I’m looking for a procurer. You’ve had prior experience in that line of work working for Drovak’s Dwarven Dining, correct?”

“Yes, I got beef, pork, chicken, mutton, venison, and other meats while working for them,” said Alycia. “They never served sapient meals though.”

“I don’t blame them – such an enterprise is not for everyone,” said Draco. “As it is, your prior experience will serve you well for most purchases. Sapient meals are a small fraction of the meals we tend to serve anyways; we’re just well-known for them.”

“Well, I’m glad to know that I can at least help out with everyday supplies,” said Alycia.

Draco chuckled. “That being said, you will get the hang of procuring sapient meat after a while. The most important thing is to always ask questions, lots of them,” the dragon said. “If the situation doesn’t feel right, as if a murderer is simply trying to dump a body on you instead of a family that’s too poor to even pay for a basic funeral, walk away. It’s better for you to come to me, ask me to come and do the deal if the party is still willing, and them and the body gone, than for you to pick up a body that a murderer is trying to get rid of.”

“Alright,” said Alycia. “What sort of questions do I ask?”

“First off, most of the time, you’d be sent alongside of an investigator from the guard and a priest from a temple of healing,” said Draco. “Most of the time, if they clear it, you can simply negotiate with a family member of the deceased – start at four hundred gold.”

“Why four hundred?” Alycia asked.

“The price of the meal includes the price of the meals for those attending the consumption of the deceased,” said Draco. “Three hundred pieces of gold is the price for six to enjoy our most expensive non-sapient meal. Explain that to them, if need be.”

“Alright,” said Alycia. “Is there an upper limit?”

“Depends upon the status of the person,” said Draco. “For the average person, a thousand gold pieces is getting expensive, but that’s a cheap price for a noble. A potential customer is informed of the minimal price, so that they know that they are also paying for the meals of the meal’s friends and family. They make their decisions on how the meal is to be prepared, and the guests are invited. Whole process takes around two days on average.”

“So, aside from making sure that everything is all legal, what other questions do I ask?” Alycia asked.

“Cause of death, if they were sick or not, what sort of illness if any, know who all is attending the funeral, what the decease’s favorite foods were, what sort of music that they liked, and other things like that,” said Draco. “After all, this is a funeral, not just a meal.”

“Okay,” said Alycia. “Um, if you don’t mind my asking, what happened to your normal procurer?”

Draco sighed. “His son was murdered, and thus he needed the time off in order to grieve, and find himself again.”

“What happened, if you don’t mind my asking?” Alycia asked.

“His son, a good man, worked here cleaning the place at night,” said Draco. “We close at midnight, and open up to get things ready at four – enough time to clean the place up. Problem is, someone broke into the place, with the intention to steal a body that we’d legally procured. He spotted them, tried to stop it, and was stabbed through the heart.”

“Oh, sorry to hear that,” said Alycia.

“Worse than that, the thief decided to take both his body and the one we’d bought, and tried to serve them up at their place,” said Draco. “It seems that they’d tried to break into the business in more ways than one.”

“So, how did you find out what happened?” Alycia asked.

“There was one of those guards that happened to be part wolf,” said Draco. “They smelled the fresh blood, found them, found the bodies, and an investigation was conducted. Pretty open and shut case, especially after they found some other fresh bodies, which were improperly procured, a few of which contained certain sicknesses that would result in someone like me refusing to just eat them. Like I’ve said, we procure our bodies legally.”

“So, given what you do here, did you eat the young man’s body?” Alycia asked.

Draco shook his head. “The mother wanted a traditional burial,” he said. “That being said, I made sure that funeral attendees ate well, the costs of which came out of my own pocket. It was the least I could do.”

“So, what about the killer?” Alycia asked.

Draco gave a grin, which could be interpreted as cruel, wicked, or even straight up evil. “They had a fair trial, overseen by those of their race, and that female elf has been sentenced to Death. More importantly, they were sent to the Meat Market, and I bought them.” He turned his head, to look towards the kitchen. “She’s being prepared right now.”

“Um, is there anything we need for such things?” Alycia asked.

“Guard, priest, customer, the Meal, and, if possible, a relative of the Meal,” said Draco, as he looked at her.

Alycia looked at him, confused. “Wait, what’s going on?”

“Steloris Windwalker is the condemned’s name,” said Draco.

Alycia’s eyes widened. “That’s my twin sister! I haven’t heard from her since she was exiled from my homeland, for accidently killing someone.”

“So we’ve been informed,” said Draco.

Alycia sighed. “What about the job offer?”

“That’s real,” said Draco. “Fate’s funny though. You’re here for both an interview, and to possibly watch your sister’s execution being carried out by the one conducting the interview.”

“Can I leave?” Alycia asked, as she looked towards the door, noting that it didn’t look locked or guarded.

Draco nodded. “Since you weren’t expecting such a burden, to be a Witness for your sibling’s death, you may leave. I’ll understand.”

Alycia stood up, and walked towards the door. She looked back, to see that Draco hadn’t moved. “I just need some air.”

Draco nodded. “I understand. It’s a lot to take in.”

Alycia opened the door, and stepped outside. She sat on a bench that was for those waiting for a table. She thought about her sister, how she was so happy, until the day she had killed someone in a bar brawl. It might have been an accident, but since she’d attacked the deceased, she’d been tossed out of the country. Alycia took up traveling a while afterwards, hoping to run into her.

Now a twist of fate could bring them together, if only for a moment, a moment to say “Good Bye” for the last time.

Alycia sighed, stood up, and re-entered the place.

Draco was watching her. “Are you going to watch?”

Alycia nodded. “Someone has to say ‘Good-Bye’ to her.”

Draco nodded. “Good.” He looked towards the kitchen. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry we’ve met under these sorts of circumstances.”

“Thank you for understanding,” said Alycia.

The door to the kitchen opened, and a chef came out, pushing a trolley that was covered by a dome, flanked by a guard and a priest.

Draco removed the dome, revealing the condemned female elf, who looked a lot like Alycia. She was done up like a large turkey or some such thing, a gag in her mouth. She looked at Alycia, her eyes widening.

“Nice presentation,” the dragon said. He looked at Alycia. “I’ll give you some privacy.” He walked over to the door, as did the priest and the guard.

Alycia removed the gag from her sister’s mouth.

“Get me out of here,” Steloris pleaded.

“How do you propose that I do that?” Alycia asked. “I don’t have magic, and I’m certain that they’d notice if I went for a knife. As for getting out of here, they got the front door blocked, and I’m certain that they’d block the other exits in a hurry if I tried to free you. Furthermore, you killed someone while trying to steal a body, and then you took both bodies anyways, so that you could serve them up at your own restaurant.”

“The killing was an accident, I swear it,” said Steloris. She looked at Draco. “Please, I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll be your sex slave; I’ll keep your place nice and clean – anything!”

Draco glared at her. “Bring back my friend’s son.”

“I don’t have that sort of power!” exclaimed Steloris.

“Then I don’t have the power to free you from Death,” Draco said, deadly calm.

“You were exiled for an accidental killing while in the middle of a fight,” said Alycia. “And now you’ve killed someone else while in the middle of a robbery. Those are just the killings I know about. I heard that there were other bodies at your place.”

“I didn’t kill them,” said Steloris. “I found them.”

“Improperly Procured,” said Draco. “Some had illnesses that, if the body is not properly prepared, could kill the one that ate them. Furthermore, seems a number had already got sick off of your cooking, with one of them being dead. That’s why you ended up on the Meat Market, alongside of other Food Poisoners.”

Steloris looked at Alycia. “Sister, please! You have to help me.”

Alycia looked at her. “My sister died in a bar fight.”

“Alycia! Don- Hmph!”

Steloris could only muffle as Alycia replaced the gag.

“Good-bye,” Alycia said, softly, as she walked away. She looked at Draco. “Just make it quick, please. I don’t want her to suffer.”

Draco nodded. “I understand.”

Alycia watched as Draco walked over to Steloris, her eyes pleading to be spared, placed one clawed hand upon her shoulder, the other upon head, and twisted it quickly, snapping her neck, killing her instantly. He then swallowed the body.

Alycia let out a sigh of relief. If nothing else, her sister hadn’t suffered the agony of being digested alive. She then went outside, and sat on the bench.

A little while later, after the guard and priest had left, Draco squeezed his way out the door.

“Not my preferred means of exiting or entering the place,” he said, as he sat by Alycia. He looked at her. “I’m sorry about that in there. While I might arrange for interviews to be conducted during a Sapient Being meal, most of the time, it’s not during an execution, and has never involved a relative being a Meal.”

“At least I know what happened to her, in the end,” said Alycia.

“If you want her remains, come back in a few days,” said Draco. “I’ll see to it that they are decently cleaned off and packaged so that you can send them back to your homeland.”

“Um, thanks,” said Alycia. “Will the job still be offered?”

Draco nodded. “I will still need a procurer.”

“Good to know,” said Alycia. “Thank you, for giving me the chance to say Good-Bye, if nothing else.”

“You are welcome,” said Draco.

“Um, out of curiosity, how did she taste?” Alycia asked.

Draco chuckled. “I find that elves, in general, are rather delicious. That being said, I’ll not tell what I thought about your sister. It’s not proper.”

“Alright,” said Alycia. “Thank you for the chance, and for showing her some mercy.”

Draco nodded. “See you around?”

“I still need a job,” said Alycia. “Thank you for the offer.”

Draco smiled. “I look forward to working with you, and getting to know you.”