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I am the contradiction

Why am I so stubborn? Like why does it matter? Who cares if the sandwich is cut vertically or diagonally. It actually does fit into a sandwich baggie better when cut diagonally. So when my first husband explained that that was how his mother did it, why, for the love of everything, did I HAVE to cut it vertically? WHY did I insist on putting my left contact in first? Because the assistant at the eye doctor's office told me "most people start with their right." Yet, to this day, twenty years later, I still put my left contact in first, and I will wrestle a vertically cut half a sandwich into a sandwich bag. Why do I feel like I need to be this way? Why don't I ever feel like I'm a part of a team or family? Why don't I ever take anyone's harmless advice?
But I give ALL of myself to my family up until the point that I've had enough. Then it's like why do you expect so much of me?
It's a conundrum. One that I've created. Give them everything until they don't appreciate it to the degree I believe they should, then explode. Also, mumble under your breath about all the annoying things they do then act surprised when they have no idea why you've just flipped out about the trail mix containers being too far forward, half opened and twisted the wrong direction.
Well, then everyone should just be a mind reader. Except, when I'm thinking ugly thoughts about myself or you. That pop up randomly Especially when I really don't want or need them to. And especially when I've been way too bitchy for way too long.