Complex Numbers

Hell, or The Matrix?

Courtesy of "JAFBG"  [XGC]...

Hell is actually just a waiting room where your least favorite song plays on repeat for eternity. What song is playing?

"Simply Having A Wonderful Christmastime."

Bad enough that it's banal. Worse that it's repetitive. But what makes this song the dark nadir of the universe is that it oozed from the pen of one of the greatest songwriters of all time, someone who ought to have known better than to foist this musical mayonnaise sandwich on an adoring world, a world that expected greatnesses like "Blackbird" and "Live and Let Die," or any number of other songs with some bite to them.

And just to forestall any comments along these lines, no, the song is certainly not about people practicing witchcraft and, unexpectedly interrupted, having to hide their athames, pentagrams, and wands behind their backs, whistle innocently and go, "eh, heh, hum, simply having a wonderful Christmastime, yep, that's all, nothing but Christmas here yes sirree" That's a stupid urban legend probably made up to try to give this shallow pablum the illusion of depth. Yes, that is an actual rumor that someone started. Considering that someone back in the 60s started the rumor that the original Paul McCartney is dead and this one is his doppelganger replacement... you know, actually, that might explain the utter crapitude of the song. But no. No. Stop it.

In any case, I'm saying this with the holiday music loop season not far behind us. Ask me another time and I'd probably pick a different song. Anyway, if there were a hell, the prospect of listening to one song -- any song -- on endless loop would scare me straight more than the traditional fiery brimstone and eternal flaying or whatever it's supposed to be.

One-Sentence Movie Review: The Matrix Resurrections:

With plenty of the visually intriguing action scenes and special effects that these movies are known for, and in spite of its interludes of explanatory dialogue that will surely provide fuel for countless amateur sophomoric philosophy discussions (mostly while stoned), the movie actually moves along quite nicely, if you ignore silly things like the plot -- John WickNeo does spend an inordinate amount of time trying to resist his calling, much as he did way back in the first movie; however, it's worth watching just for its slew of sly, self-aware meta-references.

Rating: 3/5