Nurture your Nature

Those who are calm.

I admire well centered and calm people.

Those that remain unperturbed or oblivious no matter what. Me? I'm always on alert.

I am a wounded person. Layers and layers of woundedness from my own insecurities and sensitivity. ผมอ่อนไหว

I'm not sure why but I suspect I was nervous as a child, shushed, 'half-blind', clumsy, funny-looking, clueless. I was made fun of. My parents protected me but failed to build my self-esteem and didn't quite grasp how I was different. Looking back? I was. In some ways I was more like my grandparents than my parents. But they didn't live close and frankly, no family except for my mother's sister and some cousins of my father lived near. I was to be seen not heard, had to be careful with my glasses at age 6, and was supposed to stay clean. We were poor, but no one was supposed to know that, so nothing could be broken, ripped or torn. None of this helped.

I was chatty and loved playing in dirt.

So I played with close neighbors but admired other kids from afar.

These days? There are so many to admire... from afar: Gare, who is unflappable like my father; Nick who is well centered with a good moral compass; people who glow.

I keep my inner light hidden under a basket.

I fall in love with rational people, centered people, even those who share my passion; but, I can never be them and whether they love me is questionable. I never felt lovable, so even when they do, I have a hard time accepting that.

I fall in love with characters in books and movies. I can even love the flawed characters I create.

But famous people? They are role models for others, everyday people matter to me.

"30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS"  PROMPT September 13th: Who do you see as role model of yours, either a professional or 'everyday' person, and why should everyone else know about this person.

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