Complex Numbers

Real News

In a world where headlines are clickbait and ledes are buried deeper than COVID-19 mass casualties, it can be refreshing to come across a story, however bizarre, that actually qualifies as news.

Suspect arrested after allegedly biting Vancouver Police dog  

That's right. You read it here, folks: an actual Man Bites Dog   story!

A 32-year-old man is facing charges after allegedly biting a Vancouver Police dog on Thursday morning.

Now see? That's how you write a lede. It covers the basics: who, what, when, where, and why, with the "how" notably absent but able to be inferred ("with his teeth.") Also, the rest of the article covers that bit.

“The suspect allegedly resisted arrest and bit Police Service Dog Mando, which was assisting in the arrest,” VPD said.

Mando? Mando? Does he have a companion named Grogu? Perhaps with an insatiable hunger for frog eggs?

The suspect was bitten by the police dog during the arrest and treated at hospital. Police Service Dog Mando has minor injuries, VPD said.

Oh, you were doing so well until BOOM passive voice.

Still, "minor injuries" is encouraging.

Police said they are recommending “multiple charges” against the suspect.

Might want to test him for rabies while you're at it.

Hopefully, after this sad tail, the dog will recover fully and get a new leash on life. He can harness the paw-er of this experience for future encounters. As for the suspect, well... looks like he's boned.