Writings in the Sand

Sibling Civility

When my son was born, his older sister immediately viewed him as an interloper. It was clear to her from the start that he was going to steal some of her spotlight and destroy her glorious only child status. As a baby, he got far too much of my attention and so, she ignored him. As a toddler, he was blamed for everything she didn't want to get into trouble for. When she became a teen, the five year age gap made him far too insignificant to be part of her life. Of course, that applied to me, too. Teenagers treat anyone who is not a peer as if they were a disease.

When my daughter reached her twenties and moved out of the house, I didn't see their relationship ever changing. As a parent, you worry about what will happen after you are gone. Some day, they may have only each other as family. But no one in their twenties listens to anyone, right? Think back.

Of course, circumstances change and The Girl (her official internet name) has moved back home. The Boy has graduated from teens into his twenties and is also part of the working world. Finally, there is some level of equality. But I didn't really detect any kind of loyalty or concern for each other until last night.

The Boy had an unfortunate episode with his car while working. His car is essential to his job. If his car breaks down, he doesn't make money and his job is threatened. Not only did the The Girl research the problem online, find a YouTube video on how to fix it, but she took time off from her job to go show him what she learned and help him get the car going again. She actually offered to let him drive her car in a pinch. I was flabbergasted.

I guess there is a time when siblings of all ages find their common ground. There is a time when the jealousy over mom's attention fades (probably about the time they decided I was too old to know anything). There is a time when she forgives him for being born and he forgives her for trying to dress him in her ballerina tutu when he was four. A time when the bickering, bumps and bruises of childhood are forgotten. Even though it means I am even less important than before, it still warms my heart to see this time arrive.

Maybe someday, I can grow up and get my own place.