Complex Numbers

Facts... Maybe?

When you want to learn reliable facts about stuff, you can always turn to... Cracked?

55 Ways You're Picturing History Wrong  

Okay, maybe, maybe not. Some of these track with what I know. And no, I'm not going through all 55; you can read the article for that; they're all short blurbs because after all, it's Cracked, not The New Yorker. Which also means it's actually funny.

Ever since 1978, when it became illegal to teach history in schools, all our knowledge on the subject has come from movies, TV shows, and vague chitchat. As a result, we're all buried under misinformation. For example, someone's been spreading weird rumors about how the education system changed in 1978.

Okay, reliable except when they turn to obvious sarcasm.

The article also provides handy links for fact-checking, but of course to be thorough, one should independently verify each claim. If one can be arsed. I can't.

4. Cowboys Hats

American cowboys wore all kinds of hats. Bowler hats were most common. You'd also see sombreros or top hats.

The one time I was at a dude ranch, the only hat I had available was a Panama Jack. None of the Stetsons they sold us city folks fit my head (all those brains take up so much room, you know), so I probably have the distinction of owning the only Panama Jack with a stampede strap.

10. Cavalry Charges

In a movie, when the backup army arrives on horses, they tear through the men or orcs on foot. But in reality, horses smartly refuse to plow through soldiers bearing pikes, so cavalry divisions would dismount before fighting.

Thus once again making one wonder who the truly smart species is.

15. American Cowboys

Cowboys are a Mexican invention. There were vaqueros in Mexico decades before settlers came even to Plymouth. By the 19th century, a third of cowboys in America were Mexican -- and one quarter were Black.

Speaking of cowboys.

Also, I always wondered about that word. I mean, yeah, I knew just enough Spanish to understand what "vaquero" means (along with hola, gracias, and marijuana), but it's gotta confuse non-English-speakers. They ride horses, not cows (yes, I understand they herd cows) and they're generally too old to be "boys." Besides, "cow" is always female. Also, why is there a collective word for every kind of animal except cattle? Like, you can't point at a single cow, bull, or steer and say, "That's a cattle," because cattle is plural. You have to call it a cow, bull, or steer. You don't have that problem with mares, stallions, and geldings; you can point and go "Horsey!"

English is weird.

36. Ninjas

Ninjas didn't dress in black. They disguised themselves in whatever costumes best blended in. Even skulking at night, they didn't wear black, which would stand out like a silhouette.

Fact: Almost every photograph contains at least one ninja.

39. The Library of Alexandria

The burning of the Library of Alexandria really wasn't much of a tragedy. The library had already fallen into disrepair for centuries -- not due to fire but due to budget cuts.

Gosh, that sounds familiar.

46. Martin Luther

Luther didn't actually nail 95 theses to a church door, as cool as that would have been.

Look, this is one of those cases where it's much more amusing to accept the myth, like with George Washington and the cherry tree.

51. Pocahontas

Pocahontas was at most 12 years old when the Jamestown settlers came by. She was also bald and naked, as was customary for her tribe. Good then that she and John Smith didn't really fall in love.

No one tell Disney.

54. The Alamo

The Alamo wasn't a heroic last stand that saved Texas. The rebels only stuck around there because they ignored smart orders, and defending the place didn't help the war effort at all.

Oh, Cracked wants to get banned in Texas, I see.

Actually, I'm only including this one because my favorite drafthouse theater chain is called Alamo because they started in Texas. As I went there quite a bit before everyone started passing dangerous germs around, I became a member of their frequent-flyer club. I'm still amused at the name of the frequent-flyer club: Alamo Victory.

My local Alamo seems to have survived the pandemic and bankruptcy closings that hit some of that chain. I hope it lasts. Soon as I can, I'm going back.