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You can learn a lot about a person when you clean their house. |
| Then inevitable has happened. I have finally found the what-could-possibly-be-a-dealbreaker flaw in the woman who appears flawless to all she knows. I have known Lou for the better part of ten years now. We have been great friends, our children have grown up together, and we have worked together for most of those ten years. She is one of those people who no one has anything bad to say about. She is "so chill about stuff!", and she's "the NICEST person! I've never heard her say a bad thing about anyone!" This is the facade Lou puts forth. I know her better than that. She's like a duck, above water she looks like she's floating along effortlessly but under the water her little webbed feet are frantically peddling to keep her afloat. She's had some f***ed up things happen to her about which she has confided in me. The flaws she does have she's comfortable admitting to me and explaining why she thinks the way she does about certain things. All while knowing I vehemently disagree with her about some of those things. I think much of the reason we are close is because she can show me her flaws and they make me like her even more. Except recently. It's important to note there have been run-ins between Lou's family and some of our other friends in the past (we share a LOT of friends). These incidents have all (so far) originated from interactions between her husband and her friends, or her kids and her friend's kids. Ours have had a run-in or two. I'm still a little raw over it, but it's always a two way street. Her husband is one of those super aggressive, super insecure people. These personality characteristics result in asshole/douchebag behavior on his part. Her oldest kid is a bully as well as a snobby, racist, dick. (Yes I did just call a child a dick- I don't discriminate when it comes to dropping truth bombs). I won't lay them all out here (unless you really want to hear specific stories), but let's just say it's such that one family from "the village" won't have anything to do with them after a specific incident, and most of the rest of us find excuses not to hang out with her if her husband's gonna be there. Because no one likes a jackass. Now, these incidents serve to highlight her better qualities because not only does she handle conflict with tact and grace, but also because she either wasn't present for the conflict, and/or she condemned her family's obnoxious behavior. By now I'm sure you're thinking, "So get to the damn point, Trailerpark!" so I'll just get to the damn point now. Lou does not bleed stress well with those whom she feels closest. This impacts me directly as I'm one of those people. All that would be fine if it weren't for the fact that she just gets downright mean and condescending about some things. There've been times she's snapped at me for little stuff, giving me the distinct impression she thinks I'm an idiot. She realized she was being a bitch and made amends. She's not a big apologizer, but she's good at giving intellectual credit where credit's due, particularly with relation to me. There've been times she's talked to me like a child. Again, she usually checks herself right away. It can be insulting, but I don't make stuff like that into a big deal. Not until recently when she did it in front of a client. The dealbreaker here is none of those things. It became painfully obviously to me yesterday that not only is she horrible at admitting she's wrong, but she gets downright angry if she KNOWS you were right and she was wrong. Again, she's aware of her faults but she's horrible at owning them. So wha' had happen' wuz... We have a very specific mop we use because it's awesome. I use the same mop at my house. The mop head on my mop comes off so you can wash it. You know, because mop heads get gross. Note: WE HAVE THE EXACT SAME MOP. For the last year she has refused to believe me when I told her the damn thing can be re-used. "It can't be the same mop" she said, "this one you have to replace the mop head every time because it won't go back on after you take it off." So she totally gaslighted me this whole time into thinking we did, in fact, have different mops and I was obviously stupid. So I bought her another mop. The same one I have. The same one we use to clean other people's houses. She claimed there was something wrong with the mop head (on this brand new mop, I might add). It made someone's bathroom floor sticky. It smelled funny in someone else's house. Whatever. Obviously I suck at mops. I noticed she did not use it after that first day. We're back to her mop because her mop is better. And because she's a stubborn control freak. Except it's not better. I went to mop my house the other day (remember, we have exactly the same mop) and realized they work exactly the same way, and the mop head is removable. She was just TOO DUMB TO FIGURE IT OUT! (And I was too dumb to question her and her damn mop.) So I showed her. I'm not one to say s*** like "I told you so" so I made it as low key as possible. She snapped at me! Can you believe that s***?! You and I would've laughed, right? We would've made fun of ourselves for not figuring it out all that time. We would have thanked me for saving us crazy money because now we don't have to buy new mop heads every time, right? We would have sarcastically said something snarky like "shut up smarty pants" and LAUGHED AT OURSELVES, right??? She went quiet and all she had to say was "Ok I get it! You don't have to show me how to get it ALL the way off, I see how it goes!" So my question to you, dear reader is this: Would the culmination of these behaviors followed by the "mop incident" be a dealbreaker for you? Would you sweep it under the rug (see what I did there? HA!) and continue to work/socialize together? I'm having a hard time with this one. If you asked me what would make me stop this cleaning gig three months ago, I'd say because I got another job, or I just got burnt out and didn't want to do it anymore. I would never have even entertained the idea that one of my best friends and someone I trusted enough to start a business with would be the dealbreaker. -TPB |
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