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| Nothing's worse than having pesky serpents stealing things from your nest. Describe a creative way to prevent such pests from invading your private property. (<500 words) From the files of Philomenia Pigeon, first cousin once removed to Wile E. Coyote of Roadrunner fame: Problem: Serpents invading nests. Solution #1: “Keep Out” signs posted on all access points. Result: Ineffective. Serpents refuse to read any word that doesn't begin with the letter S. Solution #2: Fence. Barbed wire. Land mines. Result: Ineffective: Serpents reached nest without coming in contact with any of the traps due to their skinny size. In a related but unfortunate incident, Mother-in law's funeral will be on the following Saturday at 4 pm, precisely. She shouldn't have landed there. Solution #3: Reinforce nest with iron and cement. Resulting bunker should be impervious to serpents. Result: Inconclusive. Serpents unable to enter. Family also unable to enter. Or exit. Finally resorted to a jackhammer to rescue eggs. Solution #4: Sonic barrage. Speakers placed on ground around nest playing a constant repeat of Wagner's ring cycle. Result: Successful with caveats. Serpents unable to successfully navigate area and withdrew. However, family unable to live with the noise. Experiment aborted. Serpents returned. Solution #5: Relocation to Ireland. Famous for lack of serpents. Result: Guess who we found slithering out of our luggage . . . word count: 197 |
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