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A continuation of my original blog, "Surviving Motherhood". |
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Welcome to my world of middle school, high school, and motherhood. The life of a mom is never easy, especially as children grow, and especially when you have a special needs child. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Took Ryan in to get his booster shots for middle school today. It was his well check up, so they checked all his vitals and gave him a tetanus booster and a meningitis vaccine (he was totally worried that he was going to break down when he got his shots, but I told him to be strong, and that I was there for him, but it would be over as soon as we knew it. He handled it really well. Next month will be interesting, as we have a drama queen in our midst that loves to scream when needles approach. Been doing it since she was born.) for the start of middle school. The head nurse asked him which school he was going to, how old he was, and which grade he was going to be in. All answers pointed to middle school. I nearly choked up. Never again will he be in elementary school. It's gone, finite. Every answer from here and for the next three years will be LMS. It was weird, because when I went to my p-doc appointment, he asked me what grades my kids were going into, and I found myself having an out of mind experience as I answered "My son is going into 6th grade". Seriously? Am I old enough for a 6th grader? Don't answer that. It just boggles the mind. I'm already despising middle school. They decided to give the 6th graders the short end of the stick by making them and their parents go in for open house at 8 am that Tuesday. Again, SERIOUSLY?! My last day of vacation, and you're going to make me get up before 8 am to go to some stinking open house?! Jerks. As if I'm not having a hard enough time trying to get used to the idea of having to get up at 6 am every morning from here on out. They've got to make all this difficult apparently. As if I didn't hate the middle school enough already. Look, I know this is an unpleasant time for everyone, but does the school have to make it even more intolerable and miserable? I'm not thrilled for change to begin with, but they just seem to exacerbate it and make it worse. Normalness resumes once high school comes along. And I'm trying, Lord help me, I'm TRYING to be okay with this. So everything's not sunshiny and happy times, we'll pull through. (Like hell we will.) But yes, we will carry on. Trudging through begrudgingly. I really don't want to do this...but it's not like I have a choice. I was tempted to home school him, but Don says I can't do that to him. Why the hell not?! Ugh. Stupid middle school. Not only that, but Ryan and I are kind of in a state of awkwardness with each other. Today he wanted comforting getting ready for his shots, but at the same time, he pulled away from me. I mean, what the hell? I'm torn between wanting to hold my little boy and tell him everything's going to be alright and just giving him a fist bump and telling him "You got this, dude." Why does this time have to be so difficult? And if I remember correctly, it's only going to get worse. It's going to get to the point where he wants to have his stuffed animals, but he thinks he's too old for them. What then? (Side note: first off, I still sleep with my teddy. I know, I'm 33 years old and I still sleep with my bear. Yes, my husband is aware, and no, he doesn't mind at all. The only complaint he's had is waking up to find her under his back. He'll survive. Also, I never gave up playing with Barbie till I was 15, or coloring in coloring books...well, I still haven't given that up yet...) Adolescence is just filled with mixed emotions and feelings. Are you too old to play with that now? But you still feel like a kid? But you feel like an adult. But what about being in school? But what about your other friends? AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! So frustrating. He's growing up. He's quickly leaving childhood. He's almost as tall as me!!! I'm...so....seriously?! Where does the time go? For now, he still tells me things. (Things I'd like to know, things I find interesting...and his brand of attitude that I DON'T find interesting. He was a little jerk yesterday, trying to be funny, but ended up pissing me off instead of making me laugh. Nearly ripped his tongue out of his mouth...till Don calmed me down, and simply told him "I've always taught you to treat others how you want to be treated. You're not doing a very good job or that right now."), and includes me in on a few things of his. I try to show him everyday that I support him and love him...even when he's being rotten. So far, he's still open to me. I hope he continues to stay open to me, but that has yet to be seen. For all I know, he could become a brooding teenager that's obsessed with privacy. I hope he knows that he can always talk to me, no matter how big or how small the problem is. That's all I want him to know, and never forget. |
| So, I'm totally guilty of not taking my kids to the library. In defense of Ryan, he was just given a bag of new books to read, so he's set without having to go to the library. But then there was Journey. Trust me, I feel REALLY guilty about not going to the library sooner for her. So, a little background. Back in first grade when she was reading first story level readers, she was reading on grade level, and doing a fantastic job. We borrowed books from the library all the time, and read before bedtime. She was getting so good at reading, we were having to go up to level 4 on reading books with her...which was taking a lot of time before bed. That summer came, and we read a lot of books again, getting her eager and ready for 2nd grade. By the middle of summer though, she was burnt out, and didn't want to read anymore books. What I couldn't tell though, was that she was struggling. When she first went into 2nd grade, she was still on grade level. But then the started asking her comprehension questions, and to look back at the text to support her answers for both questions about what she had previously read, and questions she was supposed to estimate and inference on. That's when the trouble began. She asked us not to get her books from the library anymore, because it would take too long to finish a level 3 or level 4 reader at bedtime. Never did we realize that we could have her read the stories during the evening at some point...though there seemed to be very little time for that. Her struggles became real. By mid-second grade, she fell below reading level, and her comprehension was under par. She began working in a comprehension group with her special ed teacher, to help her get back onto reading level. Now, her 2nd grade report card says that she's on level again, but I really don't think she is. If she is, she's just treading water. Ever so guilty, I decided to go back to the library and see what I could do for her. Reading is a struggle for both my kids; Ryan struggles with it because even though he's an excellent reader with amazing comprehension and fluency, he just doesn't care for books. He's a reluctant reader. He'll only read if his electronics aren't allowed. Journey, on the other hand, wants to read so bad, but she struggles mightily at it. She stutters and mumbles through sentences, her fluency choppy, unsure of what to make of words she can't pronounce. All this makes her work extra hard at reading the book, but not really reading the book. She can read the words off the page, but that doesn't mean she understands what's going on in the book. This is where her comprehension struggles, and makes it harder for her to read. With her at such a disadvantage, she felt reading was a chore, something she's not interested in doing, because it's so difficult for her. So I thought about it awhile. 3rd grade says she's to know how to be able to read chapter books by this time. That concerns me. The most she's ever read was a level 3 book, which is definitely not a chapter book. 32 pages of easy to read words aren't exactly what they're looking for anymore. She did fantastic with it when she was in 1st grade, but now that she's to be in 3rd, they're not accepting that any longer. Okay, well, here's what we can do then-I can get her level readers and chapter books. Teach her to read a chapter book, and let her feel comfortable with the level readers. That's been working out quite well. As far as chapter books go, I decided to do a little research through my library website, and poked around. The search criteria that you can create to find a book on that website is ASTOUNDING. I was able to put in "cats" "fiction" "non-fiction" "junior reader" "chapter book", and found 5 perfect cat books. Journey just adores cats, and there's a cat chapter book at her school library called "Cats to the Rescue" that she's checked out and read before. I figured, if she's willing to read that chapter book about cats, perhaps she'd be open to reading more chapter books about cats. She's thrilled that she has level readers, and she's very open to trying to read the cat chapter books. We just started a chapter book today about a little ceramic cat that comes to life that helps a girl named Maddy with her problems. It's definitely a book she can relate to, even though it's fiction. She was intimidated at first about the chapter book, telling me "This is too big, I don't think I can read this." I offered to read a chapter to her, then have her read a chapter to me. She liked that idea immensely. So, I started off reading a chapter to her. It was then her turn to read, and that's where I saw the struggle begin. I decidedly gave her her medicine today to help her read the book easier, but still she has trouble. One of her biggest problems is trying to read from line to line. Sometimes she gets confused on which line she was reading from, and she struggles to get back to the word she was on. I advised her to hold the book open with her left hand and point to each word in the line to read. She tried it, but it's still something she has to get used to. She's trying a lot harder to get through words she's never read before as well. Every time she gets through a word that's unfamiliar to her, I praise her for it, and we continue on. I also stop her after a few pages and ask her to tell me what's going on in the book, but more pointed questions than just "What's going on now?", as that's a very loaded question she doesn't have all the answers for. "Tell me about the cat," is one of my questions. "Who's having the problem?" "Where is the cat staying?" "What does the girl think of her cousin?", and always, ALWAYS get her to go back to the text to support her answer. I ask her what certain words mean, and explain them if she doesn't. We try to think back to a time when she's felt that way, or saw something similar, or heard something similar. Then I try to get her to predict what the future may be. She likes that part the best, as we've been doing it for ages with her. She's become eager to read again. I'm still going to need to talk to her teacher about her struggles, like how she'll need to be asked pointed questions for comprehension, and asked after a few pages in the chapter, not the entire chapter or the entire book. Like if there are any tricks to getting her to stay on the line to read, so she doesn't struggle finding the next string of words in the sentence and starts reading a completely different sentence. I'm going to explain to her that it's a real struggle for her to read, but that we're working on it here at home, and they'll need to take baby steps with her. A little cautionary is better than just her bombing reading altogether. The hard part is going to be getting her to do this with testing. I don't know how long the entries are that she'll need to read in her state assessments, or how they'll look for her to answer them. I'm highly concerned about those tests, and frankly, I feel they don't give an accurate depiction of my daughter as a whole, but unfortunately, they have made testing mandatory. I don't really agree with it, but there's not much I can do about it. Hopefully, we'll continue this trend. I'll keep looking for junior reader cat chapter books, and hope that what we're doing with them will work well towards what she's doing in school. |
| More sad news on the birthday party front: three more people can't make it, including Journey's old occupational therapist. Journey is super bummed, and I feel really bad for her. So far, this party isn't turning out the way we hoped it would be. We'll carry on though, and keep going no matter what. Hopefully she enjoys herself on that day anyway. We got word that one of her Brownie friends will be there at her party, so we're excited to hear that! Fingers crossed that everyone that said they were going to show up shows up. So far, I'm looking to downgrade the pizza and cake order. It's possible that I'm adding two more girls to my Brownie troop. They're the same age as the rest of my girls, so when we bridge, we'll all bridge together. I haven't gotten information from one of the moms if she's going to transfer her daughter to my troop or not, but hopefully I hear from her so she can let me know if it's a go or not. I don't want to step on any toes, and I feel bad that I couldn't give her a straight answer at the end of the school year, it's just that I didn't know if my 2nd adult moms were coming back, and I didn't know where we were going to meet until I got a hold of the secretary at school that takes care of that. Now that I know everything, I'm more than willing to take her into my troop, it just depends on if she wants to join it or not. Either way is okay with me. I did register another girl into my troop today, so right now, I have 11. If the other girl doesn't want to transfer into my troop, then I'll just let our organizer know that I have room for one more girl in our school in grade 3 that can join. We'll see how that goes. Either way, I'm good. I think it will be good to have 12 girls. Maybe a little wild, but all in all good. I'm excited at the thought! We need a serious clean up of our apartment. It's a wreck, and the manager saw it that way, and she wants to do an inspection of it on Monday the 28th to see that we bring it up to code. I was so embarrassed when she came in, this place looks like a clutter bomb went off. We'll be cleaning all this week to make sure that it's up to code. I don't want to lose our house over this. Bought all of Ryan's school supplies. Boy did they cost a pretty penny. Somewhere towards $75. I was not impressed. He's missing a pair of earphones, but we'll take care of that next month when we have another free check, before school starts. We also need to get another pair of sneakers for Journey before school starts, so that's another added cost. Ryan's shoes are good to go still, which I'm thrilled about. He usually trashes shoes in a matter of months, but these ones are actually lasting him awhile. I made a smart purchase so it seems, and I couldn't be happier. Journey's are starting to wear out a little, but I figure getting her another pair is good for her as well. We're going to have to buy new jeans and new long sleeve shirts here soon; she's going up to a size 7 in jeans because of length, and a size small in shirts because of length. We just need to buy Ryan more long sleeve shirts period. He has pants and shorts and short sleeve shirts to take him through the year so far, we just need long sleeve shirts to make sure he's covered for fall and winter. So much to buy, so little money to do it with. *Sigh.* I need to start Christmas shopping too, so we don't have the same problem we had last year. Ack. |
| I hate that I have a time constraint on things. I wish I had picked the weekend after Journey's actual birthday to do her party; it seems two weeks before her birthday is a horrible time to do it. We've gotten so many "no"s and "can't make it"s that I don't think I can handle giving Journey anymore disappointment. The good news is, one of her best friends can make it for an hour, and our family friends can make it. Still no word on her occupational therapist or her favorite special ed teacher. This thing is getting smaller and smaller by the day. I feel really bad for Journey; it's not her fault that I picked a lousy day, or that every other weekend in August was already taken up. I feel terrible. She didn't even get a party at 6, now she's barely getting a party at 8. Poor Journey. Sometimes I wish the stars would align and things would work out better for her. I'll give her one more party-when she turns 9. Then when she turns 10, it'll be going to a movie with her friends, or going to dinner, or something like that instead. I stopped giving Ryan parties because he outgrew them mostly; he'd only invite maybe four friends, and I just felt that gathering all kinds of party supplies and decorations and goodie bags for four kids was kind of ridiculous. That's why I graduated him to dinner with friends instead. He likes it, he thinks it's awesome, and I'm glad I can do that for him. If this keeps up, that's the route we're going to be taking with Journey too. Closer to her birthday, less worry about venue, hopefully the good friends show up. I spent all this time and money on goodie bags for her party, and I bought a ton of plates and everything, because she said she wanted her Brownie troop to come to her party. So far, all that's coming is one of her Brownie friends, and she's only there for an hour. At least she's coming though. Everyone else can't make it, and I feel horrible for Journey. If I would've known that it was going to turn out like this, I would've just chose another place to hold her party. Stupid having to pay $100 to use the pavilion. Now no one can show up, and I can't change her party, because that's a waste of the money I put down for it. I do NOT like wasting $100. We're just going to have to suck it up, and whoever comes comes. *Sigh.* So, I'm trying to psyche myself up to buy all these school supplies for Ryan. I remember when they were tiny, and I just could not possibly wait to go school supply shopping with them. Flash forward to three years ago, and you'll find me as an absolute wreck, trying to dig through bins and find the actual school supplies needed. Everyone was so grabby, and there was nothing left. I ended up having to shop at 3 different stores, and pay full prices for many things. That killed my desire to ever go school supply shopping again. When the elementary school started doing the school supply kits, I jumped on that bandwagon. In the end, it saves me some money, it saves me time, and it saves me a lot of hassle. I got spoiled by them for two years, and now that Ryan's going off to middle school, I don't have the luxury of ordering one for him anymore. I'm hoping that by getting a jump on the supplies Friday (or Saturday), I'll be able to find everything I need, and at a reasonable price. Don suggests we wait until next month, but I know that nothing is going to be there if we wait till then. Plaster on a happy smile, and start digging through bins again. Hooray. I really hope this works. I hope I find everything we need. I really don't want to have to keep going to different places to get all the stuff needed. I've been having some killer ocular headaches as of late. I feel like the nerves around my eye are going to shock and jab out. I've tried plenty of water, and even tried caffeine, but nothing doing. I've broken down and started taking Tylenol, which I really don't want to get used to doing, but it seems it's the only thing that can help me right now. I don't know if this is a blood sugar thing, or starting at a computer too long thing, but I've tried keeping an eye on both, and it's hit or miss with them. Who knows? |
| Decidedly ditched the doctor appointment this morning. Hopefully I don't regret the decision, and if need be, we can get a referral for occupational therapy from her regular pediatrician IF she needs occupational therapy again. Other than that, I don't feel we're working towards making any progress when we go there, and it's not worth $25 in gas and 4 hours in the car with a car sick Journey just to be told "She's on schedule". On schedule for what? You don't grow out of autism. We followed his directions, we got her in therapies, we put her in gymnastics, we have her on a great IEP, there's nothing more he can do or say to make this any better than it already is. I guess I'm just fed up. The school supply list is out for Ryan, and it looks like we'll be spending a good chunk of change for it. Why does anyone need 5 rolls of scotch tape? I only need 3 for both birthday presents in the summer and Christmas presents in the winter. Those last me just fine. Why a 6th grader would need 5 is beyond me. I wish there was a school supply kit for middle schoolers too. Hopefully I find everything that's on his list. You know, I used to love getting school supplies. Now the thought of trying to get these for him just makes me want to scream. Maybe I'm just grumpy today, I don't know. It's kinda stressful to be honest, trying to find what you need, and hoping you don't break the bank trying to get it. We have to shell out $35 just for uniforms for him for both band and gym. Not to mention the supplies he'll need for health class, PE and band. Ugh. So much stuff. I'll be surprised if we stay under $50 for just the supplies alone. I can't even get him a decent binder to make sure that he stays organized and they don't bust. They insist on using the stupid vinyl covered cardboard binders that get wrecked within the first month of school. Ryan had to use those all through 4th and 5th grade too, and they got wrecked. He spent most of his time trying to keep them from falling apart with packing tape. I could buy him a quality binder that's nylon covered plastic and zips, but they won't allow that. I find the whole thing stupid. Supplies aren't how they used to be made anymore. And personally, considering I used the nylon covered plastic binders that zipped up and corresponding folders for each class, I feel I was much more organized all throughout middle school and high school than kids these days ever will be when schools insist they use crappy supplies instead of stuff that will last and help them. Alright, I think I'm going to head out for now. I'm obviously too salty for my own good at this point, and I'm sure no one really wants to hear me de-scale everything. Perhaps I'll be back later when I can find better things to talk about, and I'm not in such a mood. |
| So, our semi-annual trip to Baltimore is coming up on Wednesday. I've been joking around saying that he's probably going to think she's cured because he occupational therapist graduated her out of it before she left for Ohio, and because she's not seeing her speech therapist this summer. The former I'm kind of in agreement with; she's doing amazing things now that she's been through two years of occupational therapy. She may need it again, I'm not sure. If she does, I'll just take her back to the hospital and sign her up for it again. I hope it works that easily. As for the speech therapy, Journey told me straight out that if her speech therapist wasn't at the summer place, she wasn't going. Now, I can either force my daughter to go to speech therapy with someone she doesn't know and doesn't feel comfortable with, or I can let her off the hook for one summer and have her start up again with her same speech therapist at the school once the year starts. You tell me what's going to cause less drama. Maybe I give in too easily to her...I dunno. I just decided, I'm not going to fight with her and make her do this. 8 or so weeks of summer vacation isn't going to kill her. But yes, knowing him, he'll be like "She's fine! She doesn't even need OT anymore! And she doesn't need to go to speech! There's no need for me to be here anymore, she's all caught up!". Yup, that simple Doc. I'm truly not a fan of his anyway. When I showed him the autism diagnosis I got for her through the school, he said he didn't agree with it because "she tested fine". Well DUH, autistic people are pretty smart! Just because she tests well doesn't mean she's not. He said he's fine with whatever diagnosis the school gives her as long as it gives her the IEP she has. I think that's a poor way to look at it. I've been trying to get an actual diagnosis out of this man for I don't know how long. He saw her in her rawest, prime form, and yet he still refused to diagnose her. We'll see what he has to say this time around. I'm half tempted to not even take her anymore after this appointment, just because he's not telling us anything that we haven't already done, and giving us any information we didn't already find out from other sources. I've come to the conclusion that we'll never get a diagnosis from a doctor, ESPECIALLY now that she's gone through all these therapies. Even the autism specialist said her coping mechanisms, though able to be seen through, were good enough to get her past the test. Hearing from him isn't going to be anything new we didn't already know. I'm half tempted to not even go. To just let it slide by, and not ever return. I feel like it's pointless now. I dunno. We'll see how Wednesday goes. |
| Not much going on these days. Can't believe it's already July though. I'm not ready to give up my summer vacation with the kids just yet. We have (not including the rest of the week we have left here) 6 weeks until we start getting ready for school. It feels like just yesterday was Ryan's promotion, and we were saying goodbye to school. Now suddenly it's come back again. I'm starting to get used to the idea of Ryan going to middle school and Journey being in 3rd grade. We've still yet to go to the library and borrow some books, but hopefully we get to that soon. It seems every time I have time to do so, I have to end up going to pick up Don from work. Then we get home, I make dinner, and we do our normal nightly routine. Hopefully at some point we can get to the library and get Journey some books; she's the one that's in need the most. Her teacher said she fell behind in reading last year. I attribute that to not reading a lot of books. We need to get her more involved in the library again. It's so funny, because we hardly ever have to call maintenance to our apartment, but we've had to twice in the last two weeks, one time because our air conditioner went out, and the other time because the sink was clogged. I hope everything else stays normal from here on out. I don't want anything else breaking down or getting messed up. Ever since I told the kids to cut back on the electronics, they've done a great job of it. They're playing board games again, and Ryan's reading his magazines. I was hoping that they would journal more, but that's not going to happen. I guess I'm the only one in the family that feels the desire to do so. Maybe as Journey's skills in reading and writing grow, she'll be more interested in it. I dunno though, because she's got an amazing memory. She can remember from when she was 4, which just astounds me. I promised myself I'd take a vacation from Girl Scout stuff until the middle of this month, but talking to one of the moms got me to start thinking about it again. She runs her other daughter's troop, and she said they were plotting out all the badges for the year for them. I dunno, made me feel kind of lazy, but I really don't feel that's a good thing to do for the girls. I mean, I feel like I did enough of that last year. I'd like for them to pick out the badges they want to do, this is their experience, not mine. I'm just here to guide them. There are a few badges I want them to start with, but i'll throw those options at them when we get to the meetings. Some of the badges are things you have to do at home too, so I'm not sure how to enforce that. I have to go by the honor system I guess. But it just...I dunno. Everyone does everything differently. I just felt kind of jabbed, like they didn't think the way I ran the troop last year was a good way to run it. Does she think I needed more structure? I think I handled it pretty well. And there's a ton of activities during the year that cram into things, I don't think it's feasible to do a million badges when you have things like workshops and events to go to. That's just me though. Anyway, I promised myself I wouldn't think about that or stress over it till the middle of the month. I just refreshed myself on the badges and their requirements, and now I'm going to put it aside for two weeks. I don't need that kind of stress right now while I'm on break. There's not even a SU meeting this month, so I'm just going to chill out. Don gets off early tomorrow for the holiday, and then he's home all day Friday. We heard a tropical storm is coming up the coast to deliver us some rain and cooler temperatures. I just hope there's enough dryness on Friday to do some grilling. This is probably one of the last summers I get to spend time with my kids and relax, so I'm going to try and enjoy it as much as possible. |
| Tonight is Ryan's birthday party. He invited four of his friends to come to dinner with us, and we'll be serving a TARDIS cake for dessert. We're paying for about 10 people (my friend Jenn and her daughter), so hopefully it doesn't cost too much...I know that the restaurant we're going to (an EXCELLENT Mexican restaurant) is surprisingly well affordable, so hopefully the boys don't break the bank on us. I put aside $100 for this. I would love to be surprised and not spend that much. I wish we had enough money where this wouldn't matter at all, and we could go anywhere we wanted, but unfortunately, that's not the case. I gave Ryan two of his gifts early this year-a refurbished clarinet in excellent condition, and a Dr. Who t-shirt that crosses with Nintendo. He loves them both very much. Journey got him a Webkinz, and I have a couple more shirts for him. I also have a GameStop gift card for him, that he can use with another one (if he gets one) to buy his game, Tomodachi Life. Wednesday, his actual birthday, we're going to go out to GameStop and get his game, and then go to lunch at Bob Evans, where he got his birthday club card to get his free meal. Depending on what kinds of gift cards he gets, we'll see what else we'll do that day. I don't really mind what he gets, I'm just glad to know that I could get him that clarinet and that shirt. Those two things were the most important things I could get for him. Everything else is gravy. I've saved up just enough money for us to go to lunch on Wednesday, as Journey will be accompanying us this time around. Ryan's quite pleased with it. He said the only way it would get better is if Don was with us that day, and if we had money to go to Bruster's Ice Cream. I wish I could give him both, but unfortunately, that's not how the world works. All in all, it's been a pretty laid back summer. Our air conditioner went out on Thursday, but we've got a portable unit given to us by the maintenance until they come to fix our central a/c. I hope it doesn't take long, and I hope we don't have to have this portable unit for a long time. We've been sleeping on an air mattress in the living room to keep cool at night while it stales and and stifles at a borderline Hades temperature upstairs. Not at all pleasant. Also, the bathroom smells much...ickier when it's hot. I try to keep it clean, but the smell from the shower and the moist walls are just...not ideal. I feel like I'm stepping into a petry dish every time I need to go to the bathroom. Yark. I've only managed to get Ryan off his electronics part way. I keep trying to get him to read and journal, but after 10 minutes, he claims he's journaled enough, and he swears he can read books in an hour. I think he just wants to get back on his electronics. Unfortunately, I can't prove that he's not doing these things, so I let him go for now. Lately he's been staying on the phone with his friend James incessantly. I put the kabosh on it today though, because I told him he needs to find nice clothes for dinner tonight, and also that he'll be seeing James at his birthday party tonight. Surprisingly, no more phone calls have been made today. We'll see how tomorrow holds up. So far, the start of this puberty thing is kinda...ack. If this means he's going to be on the phone all the time the next 6-7 years, I don't know what I'll do. Maybe this is how kids force their parents to get them cell phones. I know when I was 19, that's the reason I bought a cell phone, so I would stay off my best friends' parents phone all the time (I lived with them at that point.), and they didn't even have call waiting like I do. That's something we'll have to consider later. For now, I can kick him off my phone when I think it's been too much (as I have these last few days), and when someone calls, I'll know because he has to answer the other line to tell me who it is. I wonder if Journey's going to get this way when SHE'S 11? Kids. |
| Today was Ryan's 5th grade promotion. Their theme was "Write your own future". They sang the song "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield, and I cried at that part. Ryan was one of the selected 15 singers to sing the verses of the song, while the rest of the 5th grade joined in singing the chorus. They did a slideshow of pictures of each child from the time they were babies until just recently. The two times I cried most were when they showed the staff of the school waving goodbye to them in the slideshow, and when they were singing their song. It's safe to say, music touches me a lot more than just pictures or words alone. I tried to take as many pictures as I could, and I think I did pretty well. My only regret is that I didn't record Ryan singing their song. I should've done that. Alas, I didn't. I was too busy crying. We visited all but one of his teachers that are still in the school.His pre-k teacher was gone, as pre-k's last day was yesterday. No reason for the teachers to be there, so we missed him getting a picture with them. He did, however, get a picture with his first grade teacher, his second grade teacher, his fourth grade teacher and his fifth grade (of course). His kindergarten teacher and his third grade teacher no longer work at that school. I would've loved to see his kindergarten teacher's face, seeing him be a big 5th grader, promoted to middle school. I bet she would've been so proud. I know the rest of his teachers are. I hope he does us all proud and lives up to his potential. He can reach the stars, this one. The sky's the limit. Ryan can literally do ANYTHING. He's so smart. He's so determined, he works hard, and he tries his best. Being his mom is a blessing. Ryan is....Ryan is the son I always prayed I'd have. He's everything I ever wanted. I'm so grateful for him. When I was 16, I plotted out his name, what I wished he would be like, everything. I mean, I didn't know for sure that he'd turn out that way, because at 16, I wasn't planning on having any babies, or even knowing who the father of my child was going to be. Fate intervened, Don's my perfect match, and Ryan, in all his full glory, granted me every wish I ever had for a son. Seriously. I could've written a book on everything I wanted my son to be, and then, I'd compare it to Ryan, and I would have nearly everything I asked for. He is that awesome a kid. Speaking of how awesome a kid he is, he received the President's Award of Excellence today for his top notch grades and testing scores. He also got his last elementary school report card and last band report card. All A's on the classroom report card (of course! I know he worked really hard to get there, as he had two B's at interim), and one of the biggest compliments he could have ever gotten on his band report card. His band teacher put at the bottom of the report card that Ryan was one of the finest students he ever taught. This man has been teaching band for a good number of years, and he teaches it at 4 different schools every year. So that, is REALLY saying something. I'm so glad he decided to join band, he's so amazing at clarinet. He is truly gifted. I can't wait to go to his band concerts next year in middle school. All in all, today was a wonderful day. I'm going to make Ryan's favorite dinner tonight, and then we'll hang out tomorrow before he heads out to his best friend's house for a weekend sleepover. |
| You know, I've never really sat down and talked about how Journey being mildly autistic has affected our family. To be honest, we don't really think about it that much, we just go with it and continue on. To us, it's just something that makes Journey more unique. There are certain things we have to alter, but all in all, to me, it seems pretty regular. And isn't that the way it should be? Trying to make life as normal and regular as possible for her? I mean, I don't know of any other way I could take it. I've never really thought to ask Ryan how he looks at it. I once apologized to him for not giving him all the attention he deserves. He told me sweetly, "It's okay, I understand. Journey needs it more than I do anyway". I thought, what a great outlook for him. I still try to spend as much time with him as I can, and talk with him, and just get to know him better. I don't want him to feel neglected. And then I wonder if that's how some kids feel, like their special needs sibling is taking over all the time and energy the parents have, and they, the regular kid, don't get it anymore. I really don't want him to feel that way. I really hope he doesn't feel that way. I know he loves his sister dearly, and he would do just about anything for her. He's loved her since the day she was born, and I'm so grateful and appreciative that he decided to be that way instead of the brooding big brother that felt ousted by the new baby. When Journey started displaying some of her symptoms (I use the term "symptoms" loosely), we spent a lot of time trying to get doctors to look into it. We started talking about IEPs for her, and getting her ready for school. Ryan was just kind of along for the ride. What we did, we did as a family. I'm not sure if the kids know, notice or care that we make sure the TV volume doesn't go past 10, or that we got rid of the hair dryer. That every available inch of wall is covered in Hello Kitty, and that her line of animals must not be touched by anyone but her. Ryan kindly allows her on his 3DS and his tablet so she can study Pokemon, or watch the same movie she's currently obsessed with another ten times. We don't even bat an eye about if this is normal behavior or not. It's normal for her, so we allow her to continue with it, without hassle and interruption. We don't make a big deal out of it. And then, I wonder how Journey feels when we tell her she's special and unique. Is that something that will fuel her to be strong and confident, or will that be something that she finds bad, and make her crawl into a shell? I feel kind of bad, the day I sat down and told all my Brownies that Journey was mildly autistic, and that there were certain things she could do and couldn't do. I didn't even consult Journey about if I could tell her tale or not. She took it well...at least, I think she did. I don't know if she was paying attention or not when I was explaining it to the girls. That's gone on for much of her life-I don't know if she's paying attention or not. Most times, she surprises me and lets me know she was. Just like when she was 3, and I thought I was wasting my breath trying to teach her her colors and her shapes. Every day I sat there, showing her puzzle pieces and color blocks, and every day, she'd look away, hum to herself, and go on about inspecting something else. Blew me away when she went into Pre-K and her teacher told me that when they tested her, she knew all that. She has yet to ask me why she's different. She's yet to tell me that she knows she's different. I'm pretty sure she knows though, because the special ed teacher comes in for her (not just her, there are other kids in her class that she comes in for too, but how many other kids in the class does she come in for other than those handful?), and she goes to speech. Not everyone else does that, so she must know something's going on. Trust me, the inclusion in the school is amazing. The kids are so kind and understanding, they don't make a big deal out of it at all. The teachers help them do things like inclusion lunches (lunch bunch as Journey calls it, where her speech teacher allows her to choose a classmate to bring to lunch with them. It helps Journey learn how to have conversations with her peers.), and the special ed teacher comes into the class and helps mostly with the special ed kids, but also with the other kids as well. I guess she's not the type to dwell on the why's of things though. Maybe she's not interested in soul searching questions and answers right now, she may not ever be. Maybe she's cool with being who she is, and doesn't need to analyze it the way I feel I have to. If that's the case, more power to her, she's pretty amazing! I have no problems talking with her though and trying to discover the whys of everything if she wants to. Either way is good for me. Sometimes though, I just wonder what they think of it all. No one has attacked us, or said anything mean, or said anything rude. No one's made fun of her, or of Ryan for having a special needs sister. I'm worried that down the road that will happen, but so far, it hasn't. And then I wonder about what other families go through. Is it as normal and regular as ours is? Is it harder? Does their child ask questions? Does their average kid feel neglected? I wish I had some sort of group to ask these questions to. I've tried looking, but I haven't found anything so far. So far, everything works well for our family. I hope it stays that way. |
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