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 |   My first blog about my life, my favorite music, my opinions, my feelings. Whatever. |
This is the first blog I've ever had! You'll have to bear with me because I'm still learning how to do this whole thing. I'll admit that it's bit of a mess right now. I started blogging for "The Soundtrack of Your Life"  and I couldn't just let it end there! I don't think there's any point in keeping a separate blog for all of the blogging groups I want to join. I'm going to keep them all in this one so I can grow into an eclectic pot of confusion.What you'll find here:  My opinions on everything. Blog prompts for various groups. A different song everyday that means something to me. Experiences I've had in lifeWARNING This blog is rated GC and will contain offensive language, stories, and opinions. Please don't read if you're easily offended! My intentions aren't to offend anyone, so trust my warning and turn back now or forever hold your peace!  Things I'll be using this blog for:  "The Soundtrack of Your Life"  "Blog City ~ Every Blogger's Paradise"  "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" I want to hear from you! As I mentioned before, this is my first blog. I'd love to hear from anyone who reads this. Leave a comment, rating, or review. Let me know what you like to read about. Have a suggestion for me to write about? I'd love to hear it. The best thing about a blog is the exchanging of opinions between bloggers and readers. I want to keep us all interested. Plus, it's just nice to get a little love sometimes. Let's get to know each other.   Charlie ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **   ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
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Artist: Arctic Monkeys Album: AM Song: R U Mine? [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Lyrics Alright, let's see now. Okay, first of all, I want to mention that I wasn't just being paranoid with my note "Note: I'm sorry my blog has been offensive the last ..." yesterday. I really did get a couple emails flat out asking me to stop writing about what I'm writing about and saying that I'm begging for sympathy. I promise, I don't care if anyone feels bad for me or not. I mean, really, I'd rather no one feel sorry for me and I don't see any reason why anyone would. I'm really sorry if it came off that way because that wasn't my intention at all. I'm also sorry that the subject matter lately has been a little touchy. I felt like I owed my friends an honest explanation of why I was gone for a week and why I may be gone in the future for an extended period of time. You might be right about keeping my private life private, but that just isn't who I am. If you don't like who I am, that's completely understandable, but I can't have something taking over my life entirely and just keep answering prompts like nothing's going on. If something like this was going on with Lyn, Mitch, Norb, or anyone else, I'd want to know because I care about them. I want to know what they think and how they feel. By the way, did anyone see Fivesixer  's comment on my blog a couple days ago? I read it last night and just wanted to curl up into the fetal position. Dude's got a way with words, and I mean that in the best way possible, Norb. You know I have respect for everything you say, and that goes for all of you. I respect where you guys have been and where you're coming from. But, I must admit, that comment rattled me a little bit.Also, I feel like I should mention that pimpslapping is not a part of my relationship with Kira. I'm sorry if I made it sound like I'm in an abusive relationship, because I'm definitely not. I've never and would never hurt her. I think her recent episodes have been more out of frustration than anything. I mean, I can only assume because she hasn't ever done that before. Honestly, I know that it's not right, but I think it's a lot different than if the roles were reversed. I mean, if I hit her in the face, I would do some serious damage. She weighs like a hundred pounds soaking wet. The most she can do is leave a little bruise or bust my lip or whatever. I still don't condone it, but if it makes her feel better, she can slap me around a little. She also isn't in, like, an angry rage when it has happened. It's more like she's crying and I think just doesn't know what else to do. Plus, as Mitchopolis  mentioned, she probably slapped me for not recycling.I don't want anyone to think I'm making excuses for it or anything. If that was a regular occurrence, it would definitely be a problem. I know your history with this, Lyn's a Witchy Woman  , so I definitely respect everything you have to say on the matter and I agree with you.I think Kira and I are kind of at a... what's that called in chess? A stalemate, possibly? Anyway, she's staying with a couple of her friends from work until we get this all figured out. We aren't really talking either, but she's checking in on me a lot to make sure I'm okay. I still feel like I'm not ready to go to rehab, and I've been there before, so I know I'll leave within a week and relapse if I try to go in right now. It has to be something you're really committed to. I think I'm more worried about detox than anything. But realistically, we're moving in a couple months, so I need to be here to work and to help her find a place/move our stuff. There's no way she can do all of that on her own, so I'm not sure why there's such a resistance toward outpatient rehab. At this point though, honestly, I don't even know if I want to do that. I think that it has been blown out of proportion a little bit, especially when you compare the amount I'm using now versus what I was using at the end of last year. I'm trying to keep it under wraps with my family right now because they're going through a lot of stuff. They don't really need to worry about this on top of everything else. Um, I think I'm doing really good. I mean, I'm up and moving about. I'm writing still. It's not like I've retreated to my bedroom and just slept all day, although I'll admit, I am sleeping pretty late. I'm not saying it's the ideal situation, but I definitely don't feel like anything is out of control at this point. I'm feeling just fine. So, yes, I'm going to move on to the prompts for the day. But I just want you guys to know that I've taken into consideration what each of you has had to say and I utmost respect for all of you. I care about you guys as much as you can care about someone you met on a writing site, even the people who are telling me what to do with my blog. If I didn't care about your opinion, I'm assuming I wouldn't have talked about it for this long. But I seriously strongly suggest that you don't read my blog for a while if the subject matter makes you uncomfortable. I would completely understand your feelings on it and I wouldn't hold that against anyone. But, I'm just playing things by ear, and doing what I think is best. I think that's all I can do at this point, and again, I'm sorry for putting you in that position. There is a lot more to me than this problem, but I'm kind of doing what Elle - on hiatus  suggested and keeping my entries up. I'm hoping that someday I'll be able to look back and see what she told me I should see. I'm hoping I'll be on the other side and be able to see things more clearly.** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 15, 2014 Prompt: What should they eulogize? Write the perfect funeral speech for your own funeral. I feel like blainecindy is trying to tell me something with these prompts. Yesterday I had to look into my future, now I have to write my own eulogy?  Okay, let's see. I haven't been to that many funerals, so the eulogy is something that one of the family members writes, right? So, I guess mine would depend on who wrote it. I think if it was my dad, it would probably be really angry. If it was my mom, it would probably be really sad.But, if I'm writing my own, from my perspective. Ha, I don't want to do this. Maybe I can look at someone else's first and see what theirs looks like. Okay let me just try this: Ah, I just can't do it. Like, I feel like it would be easier in different circumstances. I basically already know how I die. Has Joy done this one yet? Oh, hers is funny. I you, Joy  .Well, let me just try to figure out the things that would probably be in there. I'm sure they would mention how young I am and maybe say something about missed potentials. They would definitely talk about how I like to play music and write. I hope that they would celebrate my life and play lots of good music. I hope they'll drink in my honor and just not be sad. I really don't know what else would be said about me, but I hope it would lighthearted and they'd have some laughs at my expense.  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 15, 2014 Prompt: Tell us about your favorite pair of shoes, and where theyve taken you. I have a pair of 8-eye Doc Martens . I got them when I was, like, seventeen and I've had them ever since. I remember when I first got them, I was couch surfing at the time, and I was running around a lot. I would even sleep with them on. The first week I got these huge blisters that sucked so bad, but once they calloused, they turned into the best shoes ever. They have a steel toe, too, which is helpful for having a lead foot.I wrap the laces around like this . They've been everywhere with me. They're really heavy, too, so I don't pack them to go anywhere, I just wear them. I've moved all around the country since I was seventeen, and they've always been with me. They've been to a lot of concerts. They've been in some fights. Anywhere I've been in the last five years, they've been there for, so I have a sentimental attachment to them for sure.Unfair we're not somewhere misbehaving for days Great escape lost track of time and space She's a silver lining climbing on my desire And I go crazy cause here isn't where I wanna be And satisfaction feels like a distant memory |
Artist: Placebo Album: Without You I'm Nothing Song: Allergic (To Thoughts of Mother Earth) [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Lyrics Well, I thank all of you for your supportive comments and emails. I should have known that you would all be saint-like about the whole thing. I'm feeling pretty good today. I'm happy to be back, even if it's not in the capacity that we would all hope for. I truly appreciate and respect your suggestions and opinions. At first, I was kind of upset that everyone was taking Kira's side. I'm not sure why, but it just doesn't feel fair that after this long, it's suddenly a problem for her. But I'm trying to be understanding of the fact that people change and their opinions change. She came back home today and I was asleep in bed. She left Friday after our fight, so I hadn't seen her in a few days and she started getting 'intimate'. So I'm like, okay cool, we must be on the same page. Right? But then, like, in the middle of it, she's like, "So which rehab are you going to?" I was kind of confused about why she was talking about it right then, so I asked if we could talk about it later and she said no. I tried to just ignore her question, but she kept asking me so I told her I was still thinking about doing outpatient rather than leaving for a long time. She got really mad and started accusing me of not even looking at the pamphlets. She was like, "Honestly did you even look at them?" And I was like, "Well, no." She's like, "You're going to give this up for that?" I did't say anything because I already said I'm planning to do outpatient rehab. But she just goes off and slaps me across the face for the third time since last Wednesday. She gets dressed and grabs her purse to leave again. It's like, what the hell? You're just going to come home every few days to kick my ass and then leave? I don't understand that. I don't understand why there can't at least be a conversation about what to do. I hate that attitude of 'my way or the highway'. Why do women always use sex as a weapon anyway? Like, they'll always do it with an ulterior motive to get something out of you. Oh, see, you're not going to get laid anymore if you don't get clean. Okay, cool, but if I go to rehab, I'm not going to anyway, so it doesn't really matter. It really annoys me. I don't really care that she wants to hit me. I understand that she's grasping at straws because she isn't getting what she wants. I just wish she'd stay away from my face because I already have, like, a three finger bruise on my cheek. It looks like a got bitchslapped by a pimp. Then she hit my lip on my tooth today and it was bleeding for a while. I'm not sure what good that's going to do anyway, but if it makes her feel better, I guess that works. Anyway, I'm going to go back to doing the prompts I think. I saw a bunch of good ones I missed out on, but I'm not going to go back and try to make them up. I missed too much. That's okay though. Worse things have happened. I'm just going to try to get back on track here because it's one thing I do have control over right now. Let's look on the bright side.  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 14, 2014 Prompt: If you were given a chance to know what happens in your future, would you take it? Ha, funny time for this prompt. Um, yeah. I'd love to see what happens to me in the future. Maybe there would be a way to change it then? I don't really believe in fate or anything like that. I think you have the ability to change what happens to you. I'd like to see what happens in the next year. I wouldn't really want to see beyond that. When things are chaotic, you kind of live in the moment and try to take things one day, one hour, one minute at a time. This answer is all over the place, I realize that. So, I guess my answer is that I'd like to see how the next six months or year plays out. I don't really care about what happens beyond that point right now. Like, I wouldn't want to see how I die in the future or anything like that. Unless I die in the next year, then I might want to know about it. But if I die when I'm way older, I don't really need to see that.  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** 30DBC April 14, 2014 Prompt: With Earth Day coming up, I've begun to wonder if I'm doing enough to help Mother Earth. Answer the following Question. Am I doing enough to help the Mother Earth? Why? Why not? What else can I do? Right now, I'm doing literally nothing to help Mother Earth. I'm sure there are a lot of things I could do that would help more than I am now. See, I don't really feel like I'm hurting it that much either, though. I don't drive a gas-guzzling car. I don't litter or anything like that. I mostly just lay around and keep to myself. As far as things I could do right now though, I could definitely recycle. I don't do that and I drink out of plastic or glass bottles a lot. This is something that I don't really know that much about, to be honest. I've never been really into being planet conscious or whatever, but it is something I'd like to get into if I could. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 14, 2014 Prompt: Convince me that the Easter Bunny is for real. Explain the relationship between Jesus, and the Easter bunny, and how this holy holiday of Easter has come to be celebrated in the twenty first century - more than two thousand years later. Bonus question: How do chocolate and painted eggs figure into the equation? Psh, come on, Brother Nature , you know I don't know anything about correlations between Jesus and the Easter bunny. I didn't even know what Easter was until I was like, eighteen. Like, I knew that Easter existed and that it was a religious thing, but I didn't know what it was all about. My family wasn't religious and I never went to church. I've only been inside a church a few times when I was staying with friends that were forced to go super early on Sunday mornings.My memories of church involve being very tired and unsure of when to stand up, sit down, and clap. Seriously, that's confusing if you've never done it before. The second I stand up, everyone else sits down. Oh, we're singing now? Wait, where is this song in the hymn book? Oh, I found it. Oh, wait, you're done with that one? Man, I'm really curious now about where the Easter bunny came from. I mean, surely it's something like Santa, right? Because Christmas is a religious holiday, but no one really talks about it being religious. They just talk about behaving so Santa will bring you gifts. I'm really interested to see what the others think about this one. I'm sure they'll know a lot more about it than I do, because I clearly know nothing. As far as chocolate and painted eggs, were those just kind of thrown in as a traditional thing to do? I mean, if I knew where the idea of the Easter bunny came from, I could answer this question easily. Like, the Easter bunny must have come along first, then people thought about chocolate bunnies and painting eggs because they have to do with rabbits. Wait, shit. Rabbits don't lay eggs, do they? My head is spinning; this is too difficult. Any means in your horizon, Heaven in a tourniquet The after life to keep your eyes on, bitter pill you take you take today With expert levitation forward, polished to the nth degree, It takes its smile from every children, you take the beating. |
| Um, so, I guess the title explains everything, right? I don’t have to go into detail about how I’ve fucked everything up. I haven’t looked at my email on here or anything yet. I thought about not even coming back. Not because I don’t want to, I love the site and I care about the people I’ve met here, but I feel so guilty and embarrassed. I feel like I’ve met a lot of supportive people on here who haven’t judged me, so it sucks to let them down. I feel like a dick. So, God, this is a hard entry to write. Like, do I even explain what happened, or will that just sound like I’m making excuses? I guess I can talk a little bit about it. I just want everyone to know how fast this can happen, and does happen, especially when the problem is already there. Relapsing is a part of recovery, and I’ve relapsed a few times since my last time getting sober, which was in December. But this time is completely different. If we’re going to talk about this, we’ll have to go back a couple weeks. Remember when I mentioned hurting my ankle? It was a while back, but I twisted my ankle and it was all swollen and painful. Well, I can’t go to the doctor and get pain medication the way a normal person can when they sprain their ankle or break a bone. Why? Because I’m too skinny to get an adequate dosage from the doctor. They’re going to prescribe such a small amount that it won’t even do anything for me. I’ve been using for a long time and I’ve built up immunity to it. What am I to do at that point? Well, I know what I should have done. Kira kept telling me I was relapsing, but I just got angry and told her that it isn’t fair that a normal person would take pain medication and I’m suddenly not allowed to because of past problems. That was addiction talking. I go to my guy and I tell him that I need some 30’s. If you go to the doctor, they’ll probably give you 10’s, maybe 15’s, depending on your weight. But, as I said before, that will do little to nothing for me. At this time, I’m thinking, Okay, I can just take one of these a day for the next two days, then my ankle will feel better. This is just because I’m in pain. It immediately doesn’t work, because I take both the first day and I have to go back the next day. Now, I’m like, Okay, I need to get three 30’s. That will last me three days and I’ll be fine after that. I should mention that these pills cost like thirty bucks a pop. So I have to pay ninety dollars for three pills. This is when Kira is getting really worried and telling me that I’m relapsing. But, the way I see it, I’m just taking the necessary dosage to feel better while my ankle heals. So, I have my three 30’s and I take one the second day. I’m feeling really, really good. I’m feeling completely in control of the situation. If I were anyone else, I’d go to the doctor and get 10’s and feel the same way. When I had a problem with opiates, I would easy take anywhere from seven to ten 30’s a day. This was before I even got into H. But do the math on that. Yes, you get a slight discount if you buy in bulk. But if I buy, say, twenty 30’s and I get them for $20 a piece. That costs four hundred dollars. Now, if I have to rinse and repeat every three days, this is a crazy expensive habit. Now, when I was first getting into this stuff, it was a slow process. It wasn’t like all of a sudden I had a two hundred dollar a day habit. I did them casually for a long time in my early teens. I’m getting off track here. The point is, I get my three 30’s and they last me a day and a half instead of three days. So I have to go back and get more, right? Of course I do, because “my ankle hurts”. So, it comes to be Monday or Tuesday of this week and I go to my guy again. Now, I’m having to spend way too much. I’m not back up to 200 a day or anything crazy like that, but I’m spending like ninety to a hundred and twenty bucks a day, depending on the day, which is just way too much money. So I go to him and he’s like, “Sorry, bro, I’m dry until the weekend.” Now what do I do? My “ankle” still hurts. Don’t worry though, because the pusher always has your back, right? So he says something like, “I’ve got some H though, if you’re still into that.” I’m not still into that. Am I? No, couldn’t be. You have to understand something though. I can’t financially keep up what I’m paying right now and H is so much cheaper. I’m thinking at this point, Okay, I can just get enough to last through Friday and by then my ankle will definitely feel better. God, I’m such an idiot. I’m not defending it, but it’s way cheaper. I mean, fifty bucks can get me through four days, easy, right? Yeah, I used to spend like a hundred a day, but I don’t need that much. Plus, it makes you feel so happy. I’ll feel so much better until I get my “ankle” situation worked out. I won’t even need any past Friday. Well, I’m back a day and a half later for more. I’m not blaming anyone, I’m just trying to explain how it gets you. I was in bed on Friday, which is all I’ve done this week. I’ve just been lying in bed under the covers. So, on Friday, Kira comes in and throws a bunch of pamphlets onto the bed. She left, I think Wednesday. Whenever she found out I was using again. I pick them up and, of course, they’re for rehabs in our area. I just say no and toss them onto the floor. So we get into a huge fight and she basically gives me an ultimatum of going to rehab or her leaving me. Right now I’m trying to get her to compromise and let me go to an outpatient rehab. You have to go like four days a week for three hours a day and do an NA group with the whole 12-step thing. The problem is, I really don’t want to quit right now. I’m not ready. It’s bad, I understand that, but I can’t go to rehab again. It scares the shit out of me. The people scare me. I don’t think I’m as bad as most of them who can’t even function. I can function just like normal. I don’t want to withdrawal again; even thinking about it just about sends me into a panic attack. Not just the physical pain, but the mental anguish that you go through is unlike anything I’ve experienced before. The loneliness and emptiness just makes you want to die. I just can’t do rehab again. I won’t do it. I’m pretty sure that I can wean myself off at this point without detox or rehab. People do it all the time and I haven’t been relapsed long enough to have it really bad. I’m not even at half of what I was doing at one time. I feel like I’m not going to quit until I really want to, and I don’t know if I even do. It makes me feel so much happier. I feel like a normal person on it. I don’t feel anxious or depressed. I just feel so mellow and happy. I know that it isn’t healthy, and it makes me sick to even see myself write the words. But people don’t get better for other people; they only get better for themselves. I think the thing that is really freaking me out is the aspect of going to detox and then going to rehab and being away from home for over a month. I can’t do that. I mean, I have to work. I have to be with my family. I’m surprised she would even be okay with being away from me for that long. Rehab isn’t for everyone either. It just depresses me to see those people and hear them talk. I can’t do it. I feel like I’m being torn away from my best friend when I’m in rehab. I feel like they’re trying to kill something that makes me happy. I’ve never committed any crimes to get it, like those people have. I don’t steal from people who care about me. I don’t sell myself for it. I don’t do it in dark alleys at night. I don’t have the same lifestyle as those people. I work for my own money. I mean, these people all have crazy shit like HIV and hepatitis. I don’t have any of that. I don’t share needles or anything. I don’t belong in a circle talking to them about how they’ve prostituted themselves out to five hundred people and how they’ve been raped ten times. I can’t handle hearing about it. I don’t want to hear about how they nodded off with a cigarette and burned their house down with their baby inside. I don’t do any of that stuff. I’m not a bad person. Ugh, got off on a little rant there. But just imagine if you had a serious addiction to something, then you got clean off of it and had to spend the next several months hearing people talk about how much it ruined their life or how much they missed it. I just need to stay away from it and any conversation about it when I get clean. I can’t go through this again, and I won’t. I just refuse. I can’t lose Kira either, but she’s going to have to compromise with me a little bit because I’m not going back. I’ll go through my emails here in the next few days. I’m really sorry to those of you who had faith in me and thought better of me. I understand if you don’t want to talk to me any more. That’s completely up to you. But, I am sorry. I feel really bad. I got one thing done this week, this poem that I’m not in the frame of mind to edit right now. It might shed a little bit of light on how I feel, or it might not. It’s probably complete shit, who knows at this point. Anyway, I’m sorry again. I tried really hard and I’m going to get back on track as soon as I can.
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Artist: Blind Melon Album: Nico Song: All That I Need [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Lyrics Hey guys. How's everyone's Tuesday going? I'm feeling a lot more positive today. I could feel myself faltering for a few days there. I'm in a really precarious situation and I don't feel like I ever get to celebrate my achievements. I feel like every time there's a success, there's a hundred more failures that are more remembered. But I guess that's just human nature. It doesn't matter anyway. None of that matters. I'm just happy to feel like I have my head back on straight. I just don't want to mess anything up. I want to be happy and make the people around me proud. But isn't that what everyone wants? It's such a nice day today. I went out on the porch and played some music, and the fresh air felt like shedding a layer after winter. I could breathe it in and clear my mind a little. I feel like there are cycles to this thing and there are a lot of moments of doubt. Everyone has been in a situation like that at some point. I just have to make sure to not get too down on myself. I don't want to ruin the good steps that I've taken. I owe a thank you to all of you who have been here for me with comments and emails. I think I need that support more than I know. I try not to be like a broken record, but that's still something I'm working on. Hey, we all have things to work on. I bumped my blog up to GC yesterday. I don't know if it's really that warranted, but I need the freedom to talk about whatever I want without fear of backlash from offending people. Plus, I wouldn't want to rate it too low and have someone see something they don't want to see. I can't be censored, especially when I'm going off about something. I don't believe anyone should have to censor themselves, but I envy the people who can convey things with an E rating. That's a completely foreign idea to me. To each his own! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 8, 2014 Prompt: Would you be willing to become extremely ugly physically if it meant you would live for 1,000 years at any physical age you chose? Why do I always have to be this guy? Okay, just stay with me. Don't write me off. I'd rather be attractive and die right now where I sit than be unattractive and live for a thousand years. Guys, look, we're not talking slightly below average here. We're talking waking up every day for a thousand years looking like an old boot. No thank you. I haven't read the other bloggers' answer to this yet, but I'm really hoping I'm not alone on this one. I'm just going to look like a terrible person. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But, look at it my way. I don't want to live for a thousand years under any conditions. I'm twenty-two and I think I've had about enough half the time. There's no way. I wouldn't live for a thousand years if I was the epitome of physical perfection, had a an endless money supply, and had superior intelligence. No way. Remember that question about being extremely attractive versus having superior intelligence? This is nothing like that. I don't know anyone who wants to live for a thousand years. Plus, I can't think of an age that I'd want to be physically. I mean, I've basically wrecked my body in the last six years or so. So in order to be in good physical shape, I'd have to go back to being, like, fourteen. But wait, can I be twenty-one with my body when I was fifteen? That might be okay. Still though, I'm going to go ahead and stay the way I am. I'll ride the wave until it's over and be okay with it.  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 8, 2014 Prompt: What city has the most beautiful architecture? What makes it attractive to you? Well, I've never been out of the country. I've been all around the U.S. though, so maybe I can come up with something good here. So, I'm going to go with Chicago for this one. The skyline of downtown Chicago is just really aesthetically pleasing to me. When I lived there, I saw a lot of really cool looking buildings. I mean, the first one that comes to mind is Lake Point Tower. Aqua Tower  just makes me dizzy to look up at. There are a lot of really old buildings, too, like old theaters. Of course there's the Sears Tower, or whatever it's going by now. I really like the buildings that have dark windows and reflect the sky or other buildings. There is one in Chicago I remember, but I can't remember the name of it. I'm going to try to find it. You don't really talk to people about building names when you live somewhere. Hmm. I'm sure someone will know what I'm talking about. You can even see it from skyline pictures. Hang on, I think I found it. Ah, okay. 333 Wacker Drive.  I'll link another picture, because it's cool from the side, too. It's like flat in the back then bellows out like a pregnant woman. Here this  is a good one.I haven't been out of the country, so I'm sure there are other places with better architecture. But I really fell in love with the buildings in Chicago when I was there. It's just really nice to look at and there are a lot of different places to go to get a clear sight of the city. I'm excited to see what everyone else came up with, because this is the first one that came to mind for me. I know I'm missing a lot of cool buildings, but I can't remember the names of a lot of them. I can see them in my mind, but I don't know what to search for them to come up. Anyway, this was fun. All that I need is the air that I breathe And all that I need are things I don't need And all that really matters is what matters to me And who of you are like me? If I was to smile and I held out my hand If I opened it now would you not understand Because you know if I'm to benefit I'll do everything that I can And who of you are like me? |
Artist: Blind Melon Album: Blind Melon Song: Tones of Home [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Lyrics Hey guys. How's it hangin'? I'm still feeling totally off, but I'm hoping it subsides soon. Thanks for all your comments yesterday. I know no one can do anything, but it's nice to rant a little bit now and then. It's kind of hard because my family has been going through some issues that is bringing everyone together more often. It sucks that I can't just go see my family and work through the issues with them. I can understand where people are coming from, but I don't know how much you have to or should have to do to prove to someone that you're cleaning your act up. It's not really that surprising though, considering the fact that my coming back nearly tore the family in half. There were those who wanted to welcome me back with open arms and others who wanted nothing to do with me. It makes everything kind of awkward or difficult or something. I don't know. I'm not going to talk about it anymore, don't worry! It has been raining here a lot lately. I love the days where it's dreary and I can just play music or write. It's still warm out, but I don't mind if it's cold and rainy. I just don't like snow. I could die without ever seeing another snowflake and be cool with it, especially after this winter. So, anyway, let's see what we have today... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 7, 2014 Prompt: If you joined the circus, what act would you most want to perform? Well, I definitely wouldn't be a clown because the makeup would take too long and I'd mess it up. When I was younger, I'd wear black eyeliner sometimes, and by the end of the night it'd be all smeared. I could never last as a girl. So clown job is out. Plus, it would be annoying having everyone be afraid of you. I don't know why clowns are scary to people. I mean, I know why John Wayne Gacy was scary and I know why IT was a scary movie, but just a normal circus clown isn't scary to me at all. I wouldn't be the juggler because I don't have that good of eye/hand coordination. I couldn't be an acrobat or tightrope walker because I don't really have the balance. I couldn't be a sideshow performer because I'm too normal looking. Oh my God. I can't contribute anything to the circus.  I couldn't even be the ringmaster because I'm not charismatic enough to hype the crowd up. I'm completely useless. I mean, I don't even know what I could do. I guess I could sit on Brother Nature 's lap while he unicycles? Hang on, I'm going to figure this out. Let's not panic. I'm not flexible enough to be a contortionist. I can't swallow flaming swords. I can't be a mime because of the makeup thing. Wait, I think I could be the lion tamer. Sure, why not? I get along well with animals and the worst case is that I get my face eaten. Yes, this is going to work.     ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 7, 2014 Prompt: April 7, 2014 is No Housework Day. This is the day to do anything except housework. What do you do in place of housework? Wow, I've been celebrating all day and I didn't even know. This is my favorite holiday ever. In place of housework, I practice my arts. I've already played bass for about four hours today. Now I'm writing in my blog. After this, I might write some reviews or go see what my friends had to say to today's prompts. I mean, there's a million things you could do instead of housework, and 99% of it would be more fun anyway. I'm trying to thing of things that would actually be less fun than housework. Going to the dentist or doctor of any sort would definitely be less fun. Going to jail is absolutely less fun. Working manual labor sucks, too. See, there are tons of things you could do instead of housework. Hell, I might even continue celebrating tomorrow. What do you think they would say If I stood up, and I walked away? Nobody here really understands me And so I'll wave goodbye I'm fine, I'm fine Tones of home Said you don't like the way I'm living You don't like me Tones of home, tones of home And so I'll wave goodbye. |
Artist: Blind Melon Album: Soup Song: Galaxie [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Lyrics Well, it has been an emotionally rough ass weekend in Charlieland. No, it's not an amusement park or nearly as fun as it sounds. I feel like it's so hard to explain things in my blog because no one really knows anything about me. This isn't anyone's fault. I'm new here, so it makes sense. But it's like, where do I even start if I just want to ramble about current things? Do I go back and talk about the events leading up to the present situation, or do I just say fuck it and let you guys figure it out for yourselves? I should watch my mouth. Hey, I probably won't post this anyway, so whatever. I always feel like I'm going to offend people if I say a cuss word. I have no idea why. I mean, it makes me laugh. All the terrible things I've done and I'm worried about people getting scared off by a little foul language.  I'll try to curb it. See, this is why I'm a hamster in a wheel, I get caught up on the little things.I've been with family for the last couple days. It's hard. I don't want to complain because other people's lives are so much worse than mine. I've always just been a spoiled kid, getting in trouble because I had nothing else to do. How can I complain? I should just shut up. But we're sitting at the dinner table, and there are people there I don't know. Like, people who my family is really close to, but I've met only a couple times. I guess because I left for a long time and they got close to in-laws and stuff. I mean, I'm the only kid that's actually married, but my family really likes my brother's girlfriend's side of the family. I hadn't even met his girlfriend until they had been dating for two years or whatever. Anyway, we're sitting there and somehow I get put on the spot. Not to answer a question, but for people to talk about. I don't know if you know what I mean, but it's like, "Oh, let's discuss this person now." Well, the room gets really quiet and everyone is just staring at me. My mom is like, "Well, Charlie hasn't been back with us for long." And this super motherly woman is like, "Oh, you lived somewhere else before?" I mean, I'm sure my brother's girlfriend has already told them all about me. They are her parents, after all. But there's this whole mock surprise thing going on where they're pretending like they're just learning about me. So my mom's like, "Yeah, he just moved up here with us not long ago. He was moving around a lot for a few years." Being the nice, parenting couple they are, the 'in-laws' say, "Oh, wow, that sounds like fun!" My dad can't have that, of course, so he interrupts and says, "Well, Charlie has a drug problem, so if you consider that fun..." and he laughs all obnoxiously. Who says that? I mean, in a room full of people who are trying to have a family dinner. You could have heard a pin drop and it was like that for what felt like an eternity, but I'm guessing it was thirty seconds or so. My mom says, "Well, he's sober now." My brother's girlfriend's dad mercifully says something like, "Oh, congratulations, that's great, Charlie!" But then my dad is like, "Well, he says he's sober now." Then he gets up and walks out of the room to watch basketball or something. It was, like, overly casual and so awkward. I felt really bad for the 'in-laws', who I'm sure already knew about the situation and really didn't want to have a conversation about it. They spent the rest of the night treating me with kid gloves. It was a pretty fun way to spend the evening. What pisses me off isn't that people are upset about the way I've lived my life or anything like that. What pisses me off is that someone could kick their minor child out onto the streets and then try to cut them out of their life when they make a few bad decisions. Ah, I'm blaming my problems on other people again. I've been trying not to do that. I guess it isn't that big of a deal, but it was really embarrassing and just uncomfortable. I felt like melting into my chair. It was just a really unnecessary conversation to have, especially in front of what I consider to be strangers. I mean, I've done everything I was supposed to do. I've done everything that someone can do to fit into a situation. Every family has strained relationships, but this one could be different. I just want to find a way to make it work out, but things like that make me want to give up. Why keep working toward something that is unattainable? I don't know. It kind of rattled my brain or something. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** 30DBC March 25, 2014 Prompt: Write a flash fiction piece and include all three of these words/titles in your story  Andre the Blog Monkey's Blogging Banana Bar Spring hospitality How can I be creative right now? I'm in such a shitty mood, but at least it feels like Spring out. Well, I did go over to Andre the Blog Monkey's Blogging Banana Bar. It's super confusing to me, but I have no idea why. I have trouble following all the posts within a thread. Everybody is really hospitality though. Yeah, I just said that, I'm not changing it. Did Mitchopolis do this one yet? Can I go copy his? I mean, mine counts. I did use all three phrases/words in less than 300 words. There was a beginning, where I thought I couldn't do it. A middle, where I half-assed my way through it. Then the end where I 'succeeded'. Let's see. Fivesixer did this one, but from what I can see, he didn't answer either. Let's keep looking. Ah, okay, I got this. Prosperous Snow celebrating  did it, classy as always. Go read hers: "Flash Fiction: Night of the Pooka (word count 286)"  But I keep on a comin' here and standing in this state, And I'm never really sure if you'll take what I'm saying the right way. But I'm not appalled or afraid, verbal pocket play Is as discreet as I can muster up to be. Because the Cadillac that's sittin' in the back It isn't me. |
Artist: The White Stripes Album: Icky Thump Song: Little Cream Soda [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Lyrics Good morning. I've got lots of family stuff to do today, but there's always time for blogging, right? I should probably just go copy/paste Mitchopolis 's blog into from yesterday. Well, maybe I'll just paraphrase. Blahblahblah sunshine, vanished, good day. Yada yada yada. Chatting, energy, love. Drama. That was the gist of it, anyway. Hey, this is easy!The prompts today are, like, super serious and introspective. I really wish Mitch had done his first, but alas, here we are. We'll see how it goes. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 5, 2014 Prompt: If one experience or life changes---- from you writing your blog, what would you like it to be ? I don't know how overall life changing my blog will be, but it's something that's fun for the moment. That's kind of representative of how I do everything in my life. I make noncommittal attempts to do things and if they're no longer fun, I quit. The way I see it, if I'm not having fun, I'm not going to take anything positive away from it anyway. I haven't mastered that whole 'happy for the experience' thing quite yet. I'm not a super complicated person, I just try out different things until they stick. See, I feel like this isn't going well. Like, I'm totally just rambling incoherently at this point. What was the question again? So, okay one experience I want to get out of it? I mean, I've already gotten everything out of it that I want. I have a lot of fun answering the prompts and then going to everyone else's blogs to see how they answered. I like seeing the different perspectives and how people take the questions completely differently. This is an example of a question that a lot of people will probably take differently probably.So yeah, I feel like I've made a lot of friends on the site through blogging. I've gotten to know people better and been able to rant ramble talk? about a lot of different things. I don't see myself stopping any time soon. It doesn't take much effort to write an entry. It usually only takes like twenty minutes out of my day because I don't do much editing on it. I just talk until I'm satisfied, then add it on. Even on a super busy day like today, I have time to do an entry. Okay, I'm done with this one.   ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 5, 2014 Prompt: Imperfection~ in things, in people, in places add character to life. Tell us about an imperfection that you cherish. Oh there are so many imperfections, how do I choose just one! I mean, the first one that comes to mind might not even be an imperfection in some people's eyes, but it must be in mine because I thought of it right away. I'm very emotionally unstable. What I mean by this is, when I'm mad, I'm like really pissed. When I'm sad, it isn't uncommon for me to curl up in a ball under the covers all day. If I'm happy, I have enough energy to fill a house. A better way to put this is, I wear my emotions on my sleeve. My oldest brother is the exact opposite; you can't ever tell how he feels about anything. As a general rule, I don't think extremes are a good thing, so we may both have faults there. I'm sure that if we could find a middle ground somewhere, we'd be a-okay. The reason I don't see mine as an imperfection so much is that a lot of people are okay with it. I mean, I'm sure it's annoying at times, but I've never had an issue with finding people to live with, so it must not be that bad. Is that a cop out? That sounds like a cop out. I have a really hard time biting my tongue and I'm up front with people about how I feel. Don't take this the wrong way though. I'm not aggressive or 'badass' at all. It's more like, if someone does something that hurts my feelings, I'll just go up to them and tell them that they hurt my feelings. I don't think most people are used to this because they usually look a little taken back, then they'll apologize and say that they feel bad. I really wish people were more up front with me about how they feel. I think it's so bad to hold stuff like that in because it just festers until it explodes one day over something trivial like whether to have Italian or Mexican for dinner. I really hate issues that arise out of a bigger problem and people can't see the root of the issue. Like, they'll just assume that they're really having this all out feud over where to have dinner. I don't know if I'm explaining this well or not, probably not. The point is, at face value, there are positives and negatives to being really emotional like this. On one hand, a lot of people attack emotions like they're a weakness. On the other hand, I'd rather people think I'm weak because I'm emotional than to have fractured relationships because I won't just fess up to how I feel about things. And, yes, I said 'like' sixteen times during this entry. Well, each beautiful thing I come across Tells me to stop moving and shake this riddle off Oh well And there was a time when all I wanted Was my ice cream colder and a little cream soda Oh well, oh well And a wooden box and an alley full of rocks Was all I had to care about Oh well, oh well, oh well |
Artist: The Beatles Album: The White Album Song: Happiness Is A Warm Gun [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Lyrics Happy Friday, my blogging brethren. How doth thee fare? I don't know why I'm talking like that. I woke up so early this morning because I had to run around all day. I've got a bit of downtime right now, so now's as good a time as any for blogging. Why is it that when I have to wake up early, I can't ever sleep the night before? My brain is like, okay, have to get up at five? Better keep you up until three thinking about how you need to go to sleep because you have to be up at five. Alright, well, let's get to it. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 4, 2014 Prompt: What five (5) colors best represent your personality? Oh, this is fun. I feel like colors represent different moods, so this is easy for me. I'd take one of everything because we all have different sides to our personality. I'd do orange first because it's my favorite color. It's right between the confidence of red and the happiness of yellow. Orange gets first pick because it's the most well-rounded of the colors in my opinion. Blue would be a pick to represent sadness. We all have sad aspects to our personality and the color blue just represents feeling blue. My next pick would be green. To me, green represents adventure and fun. I think that's because green reminds me of forests and grass. Nature is the best place for an adventure, so it all just falls in place. Choice four is purple. This might be a weird one, but purple is just classy to me. It's timeless and there are so many nice shades of it. I think this might have to do with the idea of purple being royal or something. I'm not sure. Grey is my final pick. Grey represents the depressive feelings that are embedded deeply in my personality. I try to stay away from this one as much as possible, but we are who we are.  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 4, 2014 Prompt: “All truly great thoughts are conceived while walking.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche What do you think? Does walking or exercise help you write? Oh, some Nietzsche? Nice. I mean, walking is great. I definitely think it can help get the creative juices flowing. You get your adrenaline pumping from exercise. When you feel healthy physically, your mental state can catch up sometimes. Walking is good for clearing your mind, so I definitely agree with this statement to an extent. I wouldn't say that all truly great thoughts are conceived while walking. That seems like a bit of a blanket statement to me. I'm sure some truly great ideas have been conceived while sleeping or just sitting in a chair. But maybe I'm just taking the quote too literally? I've been known to do that. Well, let's just put it this way, I don't think that going for a walk can hurt the conception of truly great ideas. There we go. I need a fix because I'm going down Down to the bits that I left uptown I need a fix because I'm going down Mother Superior jumped the gun |
Artist: Pearl Jam Album: Ten Song: Black [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Lyrics Hello my blogging friends. How goes it? I've got a busy weekend ahead of me with family stuff, but I'll hopefully still have time to write my entries and read some of yours. It has been storming here for a couple days. It's awesome. I feel for you guys who are still getting snow. I think we're done with it for the year where I live, or maybe I'm just being my ever-optimistic self. So, I had this idea while I was trying to sleep last night. It's not an idea really, but it was a thought I had. Those of you with anxiety will probably understand. So, on occasion, someone close to me will ask if I'm having a panic attack when I'm just, like, sitting on the couch or walking around. It must be the expression on my face or maybe the way I'm holding myself. Anyway, I was thinking last night that when I hear the words, 'panic attack', I feel my chest tighten a little bit. It's like an automatic response just to the words alone. What I'm proposing here is a new term for 'panic attack' so that if the person isn't actually having a panic attack, we won't make them have a panic attack by asking if they're having a panic attack. Does that make sense? I have three ideas for your review. "Are you having a marshmallow cloud fluff?" "Are you having a lemon lollipop?" "Are you having a wavy hallway?" What do you guys think? ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 3, 2014 Prompt: Your Five Favorite Toys As A Child. I know we all have them. Have fun with this! Oh wow, let's see! Well, my absolute favorite toy when I was a kid was my Lite-Brite . I would make all sorts of pictures with it. Mostly 'kid' art like parks, houses, or animals. My brother was super awesome with these things, but he is an artist after all.Then I had a Stretch Armstrong action figure that was pretty cool until the arm got ripped off.  Those were my top two. After that, it would be toy cars, G.I. Joes, and my Super Nintendo gaming system. A lot of the toys I had were hand-me-downs from my older brothers, but they were still in good condition. I also liked to read Goosebumps books when I was a kid. R.L. Stine was the best.       ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** 30DBC March 25, 2014 Prompt: Why do they call it monkeying around? I asked Google and found more questions than answers. It made me think that maybe the Writing.com Bloggers can shed some light on this gripping question and some of the others posed by Google. Help a monkey out, by blogging about...What you know about monkeying around. How To Sleep Around A Noisy Monkey? How Do Monkeys Move Around? What Is The Storyline Of Monkeying Around? Why Are Monkeys Still Around? Why Do Monkeys Roll Around On The Ground? Answer one or more of these questions in your blog entry. Answer with all of the confidence of an expert on the topic. This is just too much monkey business! But really, why do they call it monkeying around? Did you ever find out? Are you seriously going to make me Google this? Talk about a cliffhanger. Well, I'll answer a few of these questions, sure, why not? How do you sleep around a noisy monkey? Better question is {i]why would you want to sleep around a noisy monkey. Man, if I'm hanging with a monkey-bro, I'm not gonna be trying to sleep. I'm gonna be jumping up and down on the bed until one of us falls off and bumps our head. May the best man win! Why are monkeys still around? Because they haven't evolved into humans? Monkeys are still around because they're so cool and fun to watch. Plus, we need them for things like unofficial blogging months. How else would we have all this fun?Why do monkeys roll around on the ground? Do monkeys even do this? Monkeys don't roll on the ground. I refuse to believe it! Show me one monkey rolling around on the ground. Well, that won't prove anything. Show me ten to twenty monkeys rolling around on the ground. If a monkey were to roll around on the ground, it would probably be because they're silly creatures who like to pussyfoot around. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 3, 2014 Prompt: Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a member of the opposite sex for a day? What do you think your life would be life? Harder or easier? I can't say I've imagined this, but after talking to girls, I think it would be very painful. Of course, that depends on the time of month and whether or not I was in labor at the time of the gender switch. See, I really don't think it would be all that different. I mean, I'd have fun body parts, but that's about it. I don't think guys and girls are as different mentally as a lot of people do. I don't believe in girls being overly emotional and sweet, the same way I don't believe in guys only caring about sports and women. I think every person is different. Sure, there are one dimensional people who will follow a set stereotype, but I don't think the majority of people qualify. It may just be the people I hang out with though. It would drastically change my life though. I'm sure there are struggles that women go through that I don't understand having never lived as one. It's not one of those things you can just say will be a certain way; you would have to experience it first. As far as harder or easier, it would probably be harder. I'm just saying that because I'm trying to be a good boy. All the love gone bad, turned my world to black Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all I'll be, yeah I know someday you'll have a beautiful life I know you'll be a star in somebody else's sky, but why Why, why can't it be, why can't it be mine? |
Artist: JAWS Album: Milkshake EP Song: Stay In [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] I've been busy playing bass the last few days when I'm not working. It's really fun to release pent up energy that I have throughout the day. Anyway, I did get some reviewing done today, so I'm cool with that. I need to pay rent. I just thought of that when I changed the date on the prompts.  I have the worst landlords ever. They demand money pretty much every month. Just get off my back, okay? I hope all is well in the WDC world. I haven't been around much, so I feel a little out of the loop on what contests people are doing this month and all that kinda stuff. I have quite a few unread emails though, so maybe there's something fun to do in there. It's like when you're a kid and you tell your parents that you're bored, then they tell you to go clean your room. "But I don't wannnna clean my room. I wannnnna do something fun." The prompts today are super simple and should take no time at all. I'll try to expand on them a little bit so they'll be more interesting though. We'll see how it goes. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 2, 2014 Prompt: What is your favorite Spring Activity? This might sound weird, especially coming from me, but I love spring cleaning. It's just like you're getting rid of all the skeletons from winter. It's the only time of year I actually enjoy clearing the house out and getting rid of stuff. I can do it with the windows open and blare windows. The nice, gentle breeze flowing through the house just adds to the positive vibe. It probably helps that I move around this time of year. I'm moving in two months, so I like to use spring cleaning as an excuse to trash all the things I don't really feel like lugging around in a move. I'll throw so much stuff away. This is my mindset during the process: Do you really want to carry that end table down the stairs, load it into a truck, then carry it up another flight of stairs? I mean, it has that scratch on the corner from the last move anyway. We should probably get a better one, really. I mean, what are we, animals? We should have a glass table to go with the new glass coffee table we're going to get after I throw the one in the living room away. I guess there's just something freeing about throwing away all your stuff in reasonable weather.   ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 2, 2014 Prompt: Dark or White Chocolate? Easter Bunny or Easter Egg? Well, let's see, if the choices are either dark chocolate or white chocolate, I'm going to go with white. I don't really like dark chocolate that much; it's way too bitter. If I had an option of choosing milk chocolate over the two of those though, I would in a heartbeat. I like white chocolate, but it has to be in really small doses. It's really rich and makes me feel sick after I've had more than a couple pieces. I don't know how to describe it, but I feel almost like I do when I get carsick when I eat white chocolate. If anyone understands this, please tell me. I've had so many people make fun of me for saying that. "White chocolate makes you carsick? But you're laying on the floor..." For the second question, I'm going to go with Easter Bunny because no matter which way I slice this, I like bunnies more. If we're talking about the shape of chocolate, a chocolate bunny will usually be bigger than a chocolate egg. I'm all about more chocolate. But if we're just talking about which image of Easter we like more, it's still Easter Bunny because I love bunnies. They're so cute with their little puff ball tails and their hopping around. I like to go to the pet store and hold them because they're so cool. I'd probably have them as pets if I didn't live in apartments. I don't think an apartment is any place for a bunny, but it's not out of the question. Close my eyes to see, My mind torture me. Don't wanna see, New memory. Stay in stay out, Stay in stay out. |
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