Chapter 11

I pick up my beer and chug the remainder, as I am so pissed
off right now that I can't even stand it. I am tossing all
these ideas through my head and trying to decide exactly the
right way to hit Mr. Davenport so that all this bullshit turns
on him and he is the one left licking his wounds. I am
arguing with the enemy again oh what a surprise that is. I
have this little flutter of hope, or guilt I'm not sure which
it is, but I think what if he is a nice guy and I ruin it by
doing something to make him hate me and think that I am just a
big bitch.
The enemy is immediately aware of that slight burst of hope
and is instantly there with his fucking input. The voice
says, “you go ahead Sophie be an idiot and be the fool. Go
right ahead and play right into his little game, be his little
pawn and show everyone what an ass you are. Besides, how
could a knock out like Warren be interested in someone like
you?” I think to myself with sadness at the way the voice
says “you” it’s so drawn out, and full of hate makes me feel
like a worthless piece of shit. Damn it I think as we go
around and around, back and forth beating each other up until
I finally have had it. I don’t know where this comes from,
but I scream out loud “fuck you and fuck him, I will do what I
feel is right and say what the fuck I want. If you are right
good for you and if I am right, then you can go fuck
yourself.”
Wow I think to myself that felt amazing, not sure where that
was hidden at all these years but it’s about time I stand up
to that fucking bully. I know I'm not right, how many people
argue with an enemy that lives in their head? But at least I
never had a fight where the enemy stopped criticizing me, that
would be the day I would go and seek medical help no question
asked. Because this enemy has never shut the fuck up in the
last few years. Well I guess I can’t say never, there are the
times that I am beating myself up and cutting myself into
pieces that he is quiet. I guess he figures I am doing a good
enough job and don’t need his help.

I hit reply on my telephone and load the ammo. I begin to
type a reply, "Hi Warren. No, I am still fine, I apologize
for not getting back to you yesterday I seemed to have lost
track of time. I completely forgot that you had even texted
me." That’s right take that, yes Mr. Davenport I can take you
or leave you, my every second is not spent drooling and
dreaming about you. Even though I have had a few visions here
and there pass through my mind and they were not bad visions
at all I must admit. No Sophie stop, you are setting him up
with his own trap not fantasizing about his nakedness and how
big his cock is. Right back to it, "As for the weekend, I'm
not sure yet what is going on. If you would like to check
back when we get a bit closer, I should be able to let you
know then." That's right we will see if you check back with
me, or if you oh so conveniently forget that you asked me out
and never get back to me. Which of course is more than
positively going to be the case. "What did you have in mind
for plans? I mean if I am free." Okay let's end this before
I start fucking up my plans to sabotage good boy Davenport and
end up sabotaging myself, with which of course I don’t need
help with.
I reread the text at least three to four times and make some
changes here and there. I want to make sure I sound confident
and not interested if it happens or not. To sound like I
don’t give a fuck if we go or not, like I have tons of friends
and guys that I spend my weekends with. To sound like I am
someone else, another 24-year-old that is not me. Besides, I
know that this will be the last conversation that we will be
having.
I get up and take my phone over to plug it back in. I decide
on taking a nice long relaxing hot shower. I need to unwind
after being so frustrated and annoyed at the nerve that man
has, seriously what a dick he is. God what an asshole that man
truly is, just because you are good looking you think you are
God's gift to any female and that we are praying that you ask
us out. Jumping into the fountain of foolishness, well sorry
to disappoint you.

I turn on the water to the hottest level and let it warm up.
I get undressed, and jump in. The water feels oh so good
running it's heated, pulsating streams all over my body. I try
to relax and let Mr. Davenport slide out of my head and down
the drain with the water. I grab my lavender scented body
wash and lather up my body taking in the scent.
As I stand there I close my eyes and envision a nice sunny
day, laying in fields of lavender flowers. What why am I
naked and moaning, oh God, are you kidding me. I shake my
head and open my eyes, ok fuck the lavender fields and fuck
fucking. I wash my hair and rinse off. I turn off the
shower, dry off and slip into my PJ's. I brush through my
hair a little to hard as I wince at a tangle that the brush
catches. Just forget about that man, he is not worth your
time or pain as I rub my head where the brush yanked.