Life On The Far Side of The Hill

Life On The Far Side Of The Hill

"When you get old, life is over. At least that's how the younger people treat me. Take my grandkids. Please!

"I can't make a move without one of them jumping up to snatch my arm, scolding me that I should get up more slowly and be more careful at my age. What's age got to do with the price of turnips, I say. I can walk concentric rings around the bunch of them without even breathing hard.

"You'd think that being over sixty five was just this side of dead. Maybe it is for them, but I'm just getting started! Not saying I'll be climbing any mountains with hip and knee replacements in both legs, but I can sure find ways to help myself.

"Speaking of which, I'm running late for my jog with Myra. We usually do a couple of slow laps of the walking trail at the park and make our plans. Not sure what we'll do this month to supplement our pensions, but it sure won't be anything someone our ages would do, I can tell you that much!

"Terry, my eldest, bless her heart, keeps badgering me to move in with her and Malik. I keep telling her I'm not ready to give up my condo. Probably won't be until they carry me out feet first.

"But I always thank her for thinking of me and hang up the phone. Don't see much of those two jetsetters, flying here and there for business and pleasure. Too bad they never ask me to come along, now that I could handle!

"But what I get is a weekly phone call and repeated offers of a home with them. Seems to me I'd be a glorified house sitter most of the time, no thanks! If I'm gonna be alone anyway, might as well be where I love the people and place and have most of my friends.

"Can't bring myself to tell Terry that, since I'm sure she would just think me a stubborn old woman, hanging onto the past. Good thing she doesn't see how I spend my time once a month! Anyway, as I said, I'm late, so better kick it into overdrive.

"It's settled then, Myra and I will work with the Fraud Squad this month. That home repair scam we've been reading about in the paper is about to be shut down! I've already called the number Detective Krause gave me and I'm expecting a 'represenative' from the Mee 'n Thee General Home Improvements Inc. any minute.

"Drat! They scared him off! My youngest Tim with his wife and passel of squalling, brawling brats, just showed up to 'surprise me'.

"I thought I'd never get rid of them! You'd think that if they were so afraid for my health and frailty that they'd quit surprising me. If I were as bad as they think, I'd have had a stroke or a heart attack long ago.

"Good thing I can turn on the pathetic, doddering old fool so easily! I got another rep coming from the home improvement company this morning. I better get gussied up and put out the valuables before Myrna gets here.

"We got 'em! I knew we would! It was a close shave there for awhile.

"These guys don't usually show their hand so quickly and with a gun in it at that! Good thing Myra and I took that self-defense course last month. Detective Krause gave us a good dressing down about taking things into our own hands like that, but you could tell his heart wasn't in it. That detective is a good boy; wonder if I could set him up with Eileen, my middle girl. I'll have to work on that one.

"If the truth could be told to anyone, I'd pick to tell Eileen. Knowing her, she'd just laugh and say:
'Good for you, Ma! Go get 'em' but even then, I'd only be able to tell her part of it.

"Working for the law is pretty lucrative but not too steady. Working against it now, has a thrill to it that makes life after you go over the hill really worth living! Myra is the wheel woman while I'm the idea woman.

"We haven't been caught yet and we've been doing it now for ten years, every second month. After all, who'd suspect a couple of woman well on the other side of the hill? I'm counting on the younger folks and the usual attitude for a while more.

"Our investments are paying off big time. Myra and I are almost ready to trade the other side of the hill for the other side of the world. We bought a condo in Australia last month and we just need one more score before we move in together.

"I'm sure the kids will understand, eventually. I'll call them when and if I'm good and ready to. But when you're on the other side of the hill, you can't see 'em coming and you get harder to find. That's just the way my best friend Myra and I want it!"
REVISED 6/16/2024