Flannery and Roxanne: College Wedgies

Roxanne’s eyes slowly fluttered open. “Ugh,” she groaned, rubbing her head. He back ached and her mouth was dying of thirst. She sneezed, making germs splatter across the wall on her left. “Not again,” she said groggily, struggling to maneuver out of bed. “What time is it?” she pondered aloud, grabbing a tissue off her desk and rubbing it against the wall, removing any germs staining the surface. She was much older than when she first became a teacher. Now, she was twenty-three years old and she taught at the local college that had been built in Rustboro City.

She yawned as she picked up a pill bottle off her desk. “These should help,” Roxanne murmured, swallowing two clear pills with a glass of water. She changed into a new set of clothes: a grey school sleeveless uniform shirt with a rectangular print, a white undershirt with short sleeves, a pair of black shoes, and pink pants. She placed her brown hair in a set of pigtails, tied together by a red bow. “Some styles you just can’t get rid of,” she joked, patting her hair. She checked her phone, looking for anything she had missed. “Why didn’t my alarm go off?” she wondered aloud. Her eyes snapped open as she saw what time her phone displayed.

“10 AM? I overslept!” she yelled, panicking as she ran around the apartment to cram her belongings into her suitcase. Today was opening day for the university and she wanted to make a good first impression. She quickly read through her emails as she jammed a slice of burnt toast into her mouth. “Guest speaker?” she murmured, finishing her breakfast in a heartbeat. “Who is it? And why do they never send the email the night before?” she complained, noticing that the email had only been sent an hour ago. She grabbed her briefcase and dashed out of the house. I hope I’m not too late.


“Hello, everyone!” a twenty-six year old redhead exclaimed to the class. She wore a red undershirt with red flames that exposed her stomach, a black tied vest crop top over the undershirt, blue flared jeans with x’s down the sides with a white karate belt, and black and red shoes. Her body shook nervously as hundreds of eyes locked onto her. She looked to the palm of her right hand, reading the blank ink she had written down. “You can call me... Flannery.” The sweat in her palm made the ink melt as her eyes dashed back and forth between the college students and the desk she presided behind. Where is she? The redhead thought worriedly, not seeing Roxanne anywhere. She’s already twenty minutes late! I don’t know how to teach a class!

“Hi, Flannery!” a voice from the crowd greeted her. Several rows of students that sat in front of her greeted her as well.

“The teacher...” Flannery began, biting her nails while staring at the ink smudge on her other hand. “...is me...” she stammered before covering her mouth. I didn’t mean to say that!

The students erupted into a thunderous applause, cheering her name numerous times. “We love you, Flannery!” one voice called out.

“You’re hot!” another exclaimed, making her blush.

“Oh! Well...” Flannery murmured, covering her rosy cheeks as she giggled. “This is going better than expected.” She waved to the class as her stomach growled. Guess I should have had breakfast. She turned to the cheering crowd. “I’ll be right back!” She rushed out of the classroom and headed off into the cafeteria. She grinned as she noticed a row of nacho chips and a cheese dispenser on the side. She grabbed a small box and filled its contents with chips before smothering them in gooey cheese. She licked her lips as she munched on her snack while she walked back into the classroom.

She noticed that the room had gone quiet and Roxanne was putting down her belongings as she let out a sigh. “What are you doing here?” Roxanne asked the redhead.

“She’s the teacher!” a voice called out excitedly.

Roxanne’s eyes widened in shock. “What? No, she isn’t!” she snapped, stomping her foot against the ground.

“Yeah, sorry,” Flannery apologized sheepishly as she continued eating from her box of nachos. “I kind of got nervous and misspoke. I’m just the guest speaker.”

The students groaned, realizing the truth. “Anyway, time to get started with our lesson,” Roxanne continued, opening her computer and connecting it to the projector. Flannery tried to walk over to Roxanne to continue her apology, but the redhead suddenly tripped. The box slammed against Roxanne’s chest, spilling the cheese onto her shirt.

“Sorry!” Flannery said worriedly, rushing off to grab a paper towel.

Roxanne froze in horror, watching the cheese and nacho chips stain her grey shirt as well as her white undershirt. “Why...?” she murmured, too disturbed to remove the box. Flannery raced back to her, snatching the box off her and began rubbing the paper towel aggressively against the mess. “Don’t do that!” Roxanne snapped, swiping the towel away from the redhead.

“I was just trying to help,” Flannery murmured.

Roxanne groaned. “Sorry, I’m just in a bad mood today,” she apologized as she wiped the mess off her chest. She sighed as traces of the stain still remained. “Let’s just get started.” She turned to the class, who all stared at her with judgemental eyes. “Hi...” she greeted worriedly. “I am Roxanne and I am your teacher. I think we all got off on the wrong foot here.”

“Why isn’t Flannery the teacher?” a voice from the back called out.

“Who said that?” Roxanne demanded angrily. “Whoever said that, come here right now.” Nobody came forward, making Roxanne groan. “Never mind,” she muttered, connecting plugs to her computer to light up the wall behind her. “Today, we’re learning about Pokémon abilities. Every Pokémon has one. Some are more useful than others.”

“My favorite is Blaze!” Flannery contributed, making the students cheer once more.

“Abilities such as Sturdy is an example of that,” Roxanne continued, her eye fidgeting as she spoke. “Sturdy is far more useful than an ability such as Blaze.”

Flannery’s eyes widened in shock as she spun around. “What? Blaze is cooler than Sturdy! Blaze powers up fire types when they’re on their last leg and makes them even more awesome!”

“Sturdy guarantees that your Pokémon is able to survive a hit,” Roxanne argued. “It’s more efficient than Blaze is. And apart from fire type starters, only Pansear and Simisear can access the ability.”

“Just proves how awesome it is,” Flannery said with a shrug. “If only the fire type starters can have it, then it’s gotta be pretty epic. Who needs Sturdy when you can make a comeback?”

“That’s like arguing rock types would lose against fire types in a battle,” Roxanne stated, flabbergasted.

“If it’s against my fire types, then the rock type would definitely lose,” Flannery bragged.

“Do you not know how Pokémon types work?” Roxanne asked angrily.

“I know, I just have a trick up my sleeve,” Flannery retorted, thinking about her Pokémon that knew Solar Beam.

“Anyway...” Roxanne continued, hoping to escape this crushing discussion. “Some Pokémon have the option between two different abilities normally while other Pokémon can only choose from one. The selection is random, so you won't know what ability the Pokémon has until it is captured or the ability is displayed in battle.” In the corner of her eye she could see Flannery picking up and reading a book from her desk. “Give me that!” she yelled, racing over to swipe the book from Flannery’s hands.

Flannery was too oblivious to Roxanne’s demands that she had seen the cover and peeked into what Roxanne had personally scribbled into the book. “Uh... what?” she murmured before the book was snatched from her hands.

“Don’t read that!” Roxanne snapped, tossing the book into her briefcase and locking the case.

“I didn’t know you were wanting dating advice,” Flannery said with a small giggle. She could still remember the title: “Dating Tips For Lonely Women.”

“No, I don’t!” Roxanne insisted.

“That’s not what the book’s cover said,” Flannery said with a sly grin. She could also remember a heart had been drawn into one of the book’s first pages with the letters BR written in the center. “And who’s the B in BR? Is it that Brawly guy? He’s that hunky surfer from Dewford Town, right?”

Roxanne’s cheeks became the same shade as Flannery’s hair as she erupted into a fury. She never hated someone so much for being correct as she did now. She had begun crushing on the surfer a year ago, something she wanted nobody to find out about.

“Will you shut up?!” she screamed, making the students laugh at her. “Who even made you the guest speaker, anyway?”

“The university did,” Flannery murmured, taking a step back. “They thought the students would like me around.”

“Why do you have to keep ruining my day?” Roxanne whined.

“I didn’t mean to,” Flannery muttered.

Roxanne let out another sigh as she returned to the wall with the screen. “Let’s just continue the lesson.” As she was walking, she tripped over a glob of cheese that had been left on the ground. She crashed into the ground, making the students laugh at her once more. Her face boiled up in anger as she noticed Flannery was attempting not to laugh. Unbeknownst to her, a red-and-blue striped material was peeking out of her pants. “It isn’t funny!” Roxanne roared, beginning to pull herself up.

“Here, let me help you,” Flannery offered with a chuckle.

“No! I’ve had enough of you-EEK!” The cotton zipped up her bottom, grating against her skin as the fabric’s audible stretches left the students in a cavalcade of laughter while Flannery grinned at Roxanne’s pain. “What is that for?” Roxanne snapped.

“You keep yelling at me,” Flannery pointed out. “Plus, you’ve been getting on my nerves.”

Roxanne yelped as the fabric was yanked up her back, letting out a scream of a different pitch with each tug. She clenched her fists together, hoping to use her will power to lessen the pain. Instead, the fabric’s grip tightened against her posterior as the waistband approached her head. The cotton inched ever closer to her forehead, making her yell even louder. “Let me go!” she screamed. “I hate wedgies! This isn’t high school!”

“That’s funny because you definitely are a nerd,” Flannery joked, continuing to pull the fabric over her head. “You have little Probopasses printed onto your underwear and your underwear is pretty stretchy. I’d say a wedgie is pretty fitting, honestly.”

“Shut up!” Roxanne demanded, but at that point, it was too late.

“Ok, I think it’s time I wrap things up,” Flannery replied, pulling the cotton over Roxanne’s head.

“Stop!” Roxanne screamed.

“Nah,” Flannery replied smugly. Under most circumstances, she would feel some guilt for doing something like this. However, Roxanne’s constant anger towards her was getting annoying. With one final heave, the cotton was yanked over Roxanne’s face and hooked onto her chin, making the gym leader’s neck strain back as muffled curse words exited her mouth.

“And that students, is an atomic wedgie,” Flannery said proudly, pulling Roxanne up to her feet. While she was familiar with getting wedgies herself, having gotten many in her life, she was quite new to giving them. She felt quite proud of how quickly she administered the atomic. She did not expect Roxanne to be that much of a nerd.

In a fit of rage, Roxanne ripped the undergarments clean off her head, tearing the fabric into pieces. “Never. Do. That. Again!” she screamed, making the students laugh at her once more. “Stop laughing or else you’re all kicked out of my class!” The room went silent, except for Flannery, who had burst into giggles at Roxanne’s expense. “That’s it!” She zoomed past Flannery and wrapped her cold fingers onto the sky blue waistband peeking above Flannery’s belt. With a single tug, the Torkoal-printed cotton skyrocketed up Flannery’s back. “Your turn!” Roxanne exclaimed eagerly, but paused when she noticed that Flannery had no real reaction on her face. “Huh?”

Flannery merely gave her a shrug. “When you get enough of these things, you kind of just go with the flow.”

“This... doesn’t hurt you?” Roxanne asked, shuddering in horror. She had never encountered who had such a lackadaisical reaction to a wedgie.

Flannery shook her head. “Not really,” she admitted. Roxanne gritted her teeth as she grabbed the box of nachos and dumped its gooey contents down her blue undergarments, making Flannery revolt in horror. “Ew! That’s gross!” she complained, retching as the cheese and salt from the chips ran down her underwear, permanently staining the cotton. “Come on! I like this pair!”

“Too bad!” Roxanne snapped, effortlessly yanking the stained fabric over her head.

“Not in my hair!” Flannery complained, feeling the cheese slither through her scalp. The fabric jumped past her eyes, making her clench them shut as the cheese continued to cover her skin. Roxanne gave one final tug, latching the waistband onto Flannery’s chin as her face was drenched in cheese. If not for the wedgie, I’d love having cheese in my face right now, Flannery told herself, attempting to maintain a positive attitude. “So, you want to call it a tie?” she asked through muffled grunts.

“No,” Roxanne stated angrily. “I’m hanging you up on the flagpole outside.”

“You’re a terrible teacher!” a voice called out as roars of boos overwhelmed her ears.

“Shut up!” Roxanne demanded as she dragged Flannery outside by her leg holes. She latched one of the hooks from the pole onto Flannery’s leg holes and tugged, pulling the helpless gym leader into the air as Flannery groaned.

I’ve never gotten a flagpole wedgie before, Flannery surmised. Then again, I’ve never gotten a combo of a messy and an atomic, either. First time for everything, I guess. The pain had returned to her posterior, making her wonder how she ever grew immune to wedgies in the first place. The cotton clambered up her bottom, leaving little breathing room for her backside. How far can a wedgie go into your butt? It feels like I’m breaking records here. Roxanne’s voice screaming threw off her thinking process. What’s going on?

“What are you doing?” Roxanne shouted, being lifted off the ground by the front portion of her undergarments. The students hooked the front portion of her waistband onto the metal hook connected to the flagpole. For the next two minutes, the students pulled on the hook, yanking Roxanne even higher in the air as Flannery was pulled down. Roxanne kicked and screamed as the fabric burned her stomach while pulling her to the top of the pole.

“Thanks,” Flannery murmured as the students yanked the fabric off her face, although she still had a large amount of cheese covering her face and hair. Someone tossed her a towel, making her smile as she cleaned herself off. She turned to the drooping undergarments hanging from behind her. “I always got more pairs,” she assured the students. She looked up to see that Roxanne was still atop the flagpole, cursing as usual. “Guess she shops at the same store I do,” she observed. She picked the cotton from her bottom through her jeans as she gave a smile to the class, invigorating the students. “How about we call this one a tie?”