flashbacks

as the night draws ever cloaser the sun sets on the endless trauma that i call my live
i try and i try but still i have no way out 
i run backwords and forwords yet thair is no chance of escape
so i sit and wait ... waiting for immanant self distruction
i feel a biuld of tention in the pit of my stumach
i start to swet and my mood drops and all of a suddon
im in the house again i walk slowly with nervous anticipation
i know whats coming but i im in denial i turn the corner everything turns grey
and you are thare i see you on the bed your life slipping away like an hourglass in the final stages
you can no longer speak...you can hardly move... you can just make that noise, it wwill haunt me untill i am no more
i fall to my nees weak ,helpless and vounrable... i hold my little cousin tring to ashure him that everything is ok
when inside im dieing and have the giult of knowing that it will not
the moast improtent person in my life dieing infront of me and i can do nouthing but sit an watch
my mum arives you have the family around you 
you make aloud noise as if to say i love you and good byee your head falls... thats when my nan nods and everybody crys
i was a 12yearold boy nouthing could have prepared me for such a traumatic event
as i come out of my flashback and join reality i look down
confrounted by a river of crimson flowing from my forearms and a blade on the floor i start to feel weak
but i do not move, feeling numb i sliped in and out of concheousnes a cold feeling of true bliss no pain from  this mortal world
seconds from departing this world my friend found me shocked and worreyd he rushed around couvering my wounds and making shure i didnt fall asleep
again and again he shook me and slapped me doing all he posibly could... after what felt like days i come around and take a look at him...
he imbraced me with open arms and ashured me that i would be ok
he pulled me back from the jaws of defite and i lived to see anouther day  i owe my life to him he saved me that day
but still i live in constant fear that i will be back thair verry soon... and maby next time he may not be thair to save me
next time i may not be so lucky