The pain inside

The pain inside 3-29-11

Almost four months now that youve been gone and all I want is to be able to see yor face and to be able to hear your voice,it hurts so bad because i know that will never happen.the one person in this world that i had left is gone and i feel so alone why has this very bad thing happened to us.I cant even sleep since you passed because everytime i close my eyes i see your face and its so painful so i just stay awake at night and the times when i do sleep i dream about you and as soon as i wake up i think about you.the only way for me to get anything off my mind anymore is to write because you are not here for me to tell you.

I think about everything that youve helped me get through and how when i was a child when i wanted to do things and was told no you were the one that made up a reason for me to come over so i could do it.my life will never be the same again. i remeber when grandpa died and after the funeral i went in my room and didnt want to come out you came and layed in the bed with me and promised that everything would be okay cause i still had you and you were never gonna leave me you layed in the bed with me all night.i miss coming to your house just to be with you and to talk to you i can never do that ever again and it hurts so bad .

you were to young to die you still had soo much to do on this earth it wasnt fair that you were taken from us soo soon i wish god would just let us have you. i finally slept for about three hour two days ago and when i woke up i thought just for a moment that you were standing in my doorway.these are things i cant tell anyone else, because i had two people in this world you and grandpa now im soo alone in this world with nobody to turn to so I sit everyday and think about you and grandpa and all i do is cry. i wish i knew how to get this pain to go away it hurts too bad all i want to do is be with you that would make things soo much better.mariah always tells me that shes ready to give you your hat back now but i tell her she cant yet cause i dont know what to say to her i wish she was able to give you your hat back please come back soo you can have your hat back please come back this is too much pain for me . I love you soo much and i will never forget you ever in my life you will always be with me no matter what. i love you soo much nana.

Our family is in so much pain and nobody knows how to get back to having a normal life because of an unfortunate death that has occured you were so very important to us all and i dont think you know how important you were.I wish that that night I would have went over and spent the night with you knowing that something was telling me to go over and see you I feel like that if i had been there maybe i would have been able to help you then this wouldnt have happened to you i could have saved you and i didnt because I was there with you now my world is upside down and i dont know how to get rightside up,if only you were here to tell me how to do it.

The pain inside is the most hurtful thing in the world because it wont go away and I dont know how to get it to go away ,but honestly I dont think I want it to because im afraid if it goes away i will forget the slightest thing about you and i dont want to forget anything abbout you .My life will never be the same without you and I dont want it to be so I will spend the rest of my life grieving because now im so alone in this world with nobody to turn to,and the pain inside is so painful i dont know what to do.