The Last One

I wiped my hand across the mirror to clear the steam. The shower had felt good, but looking at my reflection in the mirror I could still see black liner smudged around my eyes. Fuck It I thought running the towel through my hair. I took my time; my guy was still in the room. I could hear him coughing on the bed in the next room. I threw on a t-shirt and pair of panties and walked out of the bathroom. It was hotter than hell in here, the damn AC was messed up and it was probably ninety-eight degrees outside. I would go downstairs and yell at the motel manager Bill after I got rid of this guy.

He was lying on the bed half covered with my sheets, his giant belly moving up and down as he breathed. His cigarette smoke blue in the light of the T.V. He rolled over to ash in the tray next to the bed and lost the sheet. The condom was still hanging off his dick. I walked over to him and took it off throwing it in the wastebasket. “Alright, get the hell out.” I said hitting the switch on the T.V.

“What the fuck is your problem?” he said. “I was hoping for one more before I leave, I got about half an hour before my wife gets home.” He blew a puff of smoke at me and smiled. I shook my head no “I just took a shower. You should have said something before.” I sat on the edge of the bed and lit myself a cigarette.

“C’mon” he said “I paid you sixty bucks. I should get another go.”

“This isn’t a phone line, I don’t charge by the minute. Its sixty dollars a fuck and you got yours.” I said getting off the bed. I started pulling the sheets off and throwing them in the laundry basket. “Get off the fucking bed.” I said. He got up and stood there watching me strip off the linen then turned around and walked to the armchair in the corner of the room and started picking his stuff up. Finally I thought putting the basket next to the front door. He was sitting in the chair staring at me when I turned around. “Seriously I got shit to do, so you gotta go.” I said as nicely as possible.

“Blow me.” He said

“Twenty bucks”

“I want you to swallow.”

“Thirty.”

He nodded and motioned for me to kneel; I dropped on all fours and crawled up to him. He smiled at me and slid his dick in my mouth. I thought of other things as I sucked him off. How I needed to talk to Bill about the A.C. Of the laundry I had to carry down the stairs to the laundry mat. Of how much I fucking hated myself right now. I blocked out the thoughts and did what I had to do, humming a tune in my head that matched the sounds of his moaning.



I sat on the bed smoking a cigarette after he left. The laundry was still sitting by the door and my room was still hotter than hell. I had been thinking. Thinking about how I needed to get out of this motel, how I needed to quit fucking for money and how I needed to get a hold of my mom. The bad part about all of this was that I had this talk with myself every day, and then I would go out and do it all over again.

I knew my mom was worried, she had gotten re-married and I didn’t want to live with her and her new hubby. I was twenty-six years old for Christ’s sake. I should have been out a long time ago, but after months and then a whole year of turning in applications and not getting anything back. I figured I was just going to have to go out and chance it and see what happened.

That’s the night I met Bill, the manager of the American motel on Main St. He actually is the one that got me started in my current profession. I needed a room for the night, but I was ten bucks short. Bill being the kind hearted man that he is told me that if I let him fuck me I could stay the night free. So I did, I fucked Bill for a week, during the evenings I was stripping at Smiley’s. Since I was paying regular every week, Bill got cut off but he didn’t let that stop him, I get one day a week free. Every Friday on rent day I get a visit from Bill and pay him however he wants.

I was popular at Smiley’s. The guys there loved that I had piercings especially the old men for some reason. I did a lot of private dances, they would beg me to show them my clit piercing, I would for extra under the table money. Then they would start making offers at me. Three hundred, five hundred whatever they had to pay to fuck me.

Seeing as that was easier and I didn’t have to share the money with anyone I quit Smiley’s and started hooking out of my motel room. I hated doing it but the money was great. I dreamed of better things like all other girls, but I would never admit that. I wasn’t a frilly, flirty, girly whore. Those are the bitches you found mangled in alleys and dismembered in dumpsters. It was a good angle, but if you weren’t careful you got killed. I was a hard ass whore. I did what you wanted; you gave me my money, no extras. But I did want things, I wanted to fall in love, I wanted a nice house, I wanted to be able to go out and walk in the neighborhood without that paranoia that people were looking at me because they know what I am and what I do.

The one thing that I hadn’t taken into account was that once I quit Smiley’s I would lose my entire network of guys, and not all men are willing to pay whatever they can, they actually don’t want to pay anything. So the money had gone down substantially and I was more than tired of doing this, but how the hell was I going to get out of it now?

I was shaken from my thoughts by a knock on the door. I opened it to see a smiling Bill. “It’s rent day.” He said.



I looked up at Bill from the bed, I was lying on my side watching him get dressed. Even though Bill was technically one of my clients, he was also my landlord and my friend. I loved the old dirty bastard, and he didn’t treat me like what I was, he treated me like a friend…. with benefits.

“Bill.”

“Yeah” he said

“If I didn’t screw you every Friday would you kick me outta here?” I asked

“No I wouldn’t.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know? Why? You thinking about stopping the screwing?” he raised an eyebrow at me then laughed.

I smiled back at him “Nah, I’ll screw ya till your dead old man. I was just thinking about maybe trying something new. You know, getting a real job, but I don’t know if I will have money right away. All I know is I don’t want to keep fucking these assholes for spare change anymore.”

Bill sat down on the edge of the bed and stared at the hole in the big toe of his sock while he talked. “Sam, I know you don’t want to do this forever, I know I sure as hell wouldn’t, but if you decide that you need a change, than I am going to help you and I’ll hold off on the rent. On the other hand you’re going have to screw this asshole more than once a week.”

I laughed and jumped up and hugged Bill. I knew he would help me. He reached into his wallet and pulled out one hundred dollars and handed it to me.

“Bill, I’m not asking for money, I’m just not going to be able to give you any for awhile.” I said handing it back to him.

“I know that, but this is in case you need anything, say you need food or shampoo or something, just keep it in the in case shit happens fund.” He kissed me on the forehead, dropped the money on the bed and smiled as he closed the door.

Waiting for my conditioner to be ready to wash out I leaned my head against the shower stall, closed my eyes and began thinking of all the things that I would be able to do now. I imagined a regular nine to five job, healthcare, an apartment, buying things to decorate, learning how to cook and only fucking when I wanted to and with whom I wanted too. There was a feeling in my stomach, a feeling like I was going to explode. I felt like jumping up and down and screaming. Letting out pent up aggression or maybe it was just joy at the thought of something better. I didn’t know, but it felt good.



I woke up with a new sense of purpose, the sheets and pillowcases smelt like snuggle fabric softener, my hair smelt like strawberries. I sucked in the scents and thought to myself I will never have to wash the dirt and sweat of dirty men off of my sheets ever again. I got up and threw on my shorts and sandals and headed out the door. I walked to the edge of the parking lot, waved at Chris the morning front desk clerk and rounded the corner to the Circle K that sat directly behind the motel. I wondered if Aggie was there this morning, she always gave me free coffee when I bought a buttered pound cake. I spotted her at the register as I swung open the door.

“Morning Sam. How are you doing today sweetie?”

“I’m a hell a lot better than usual, came in for breakfast.”

“Go on and get you something to drink with that sweet cake.” She said motioning to the counter full of coffee pots. I decided for a new morning I would have a new coffee, today it would be the hazelnut blend with hazelnut creamer. I even strayed from my usual pastry and went with a coffee cake.

Aggie was full of the usual stories of her graveyard shift, the beer runners, the hobo’s, and the crack heads that all had a strong urge to hang out in Circle K’s between 10:30 to 4:00am everyday around the nation. Guess she had a hell of a night, she told me all about her grand run across the parking lot to chase some under age kid who was trying to make off with a twenty four case of Miller, and how she had stopped him in his tracks. I loved Aggie, she was a great person, but good god could this woman talk a load of shit. Aggie was a middle aged woman, with smoker’s lung and a weakness for chocolate and beef jerky, I had never seen this woman move fast in the whole time I’d know her. She was one of those people who would ask you to hand her something that was right next to her, just so she didn’t have to readjust in her chair.

I listened to Aggie rattle on for a bit longer, while I sipped my coffee and broke off pieces of my cake. Finally she stopped to take in a breath and I broke in.

“Aggie have you seen Shawn around by any chance?”

Aggie rolled her eyes with irritation “That crack head came in here last night and made off with a taquito and a bag of Doritos. What you want to talk to him for?’

“I need something that I am pretty sure he can get a hold of, so if he comes back could you have him come to the motel to see me please?”

“Sure.” Aggie said.

“Thanks.” I said and pushed my way out and back to my room.



As expected Shawn didn’t show up till the middle of the night and he was cracked out of his mind. Luckily I didn’t have anything of value so I wasn’t scared to let him in the house.

“Hi Sam.” He said walking through the door and plopping himself down in the armchair in the corner.

“Hey, how you been doing?”

He shrugged at me “Aggie said you needed to talk to me about something.”

“Yeah I do, I need a lap top computer.”

Shawn picked his fingernails with his teeth and laughed. “Is that not possible?” I asked

He shook his head then spit his disgusting fingernail onto my carpet. “I can get it, I just don’t know when. Lap tops are harder to steal.”

“Why?”

“Well there bigger and more noticeable than say an iPod or a cell phone, but I know this guy who is a friend of my dealer and he can get just about anything but it won’t be cheap, cheaper than retail but not by much.”

“That’s fine, I can probably do it. Can you get me in contact with him?”

“No, he’s real paranoid about cops and snitches, so he networks with his clients through other people, but I am going to go see him tonight. I’ll let him know you’re looking. Would you mind someone coming by to talk to you tonight?”



“Shawn strange men come in and out of this damn room everyday. It won’t be a problem.” I said opening the door.

“Alright.” He said getting up. “Sam before I go, do you have five bucks I can borrow I need to pick something up.”

“Of course you do Shawn.” I said handing him the money. “Now go on and get me a lap top.”

Shawn smiled and ran out the door. I double checked the room just to make sure he didn’t take anything and then lay down on the bed and waited.

I woke up at about three am to the sound of infomercials flashing across the T.V screen. I guess Shawn had forgotten to talk to his guy for me, but then again I didn’t have a phone so it’s not like he could have called me if the plans had changed anyway. Shawn always needed something so I was sure I would see him around in a couple of days and I could ask him then.

I changed into my pajamas and was just crawling back into bed when there was a knock on the door. I didn’t hesitate assuming that it was Shawn or one of his guys. I opened the door to find Randy, a goofy middle aged man that was a frequent customer of mine. He liked to play blackjack tables at the casino on the weekends and as goofy as he was always came back with quite a bit of money; he also came with quite a bit of alcohol in his system and never argued prices with me. I was just about to tell him to fuck off when he held up a fan of bills and waved them at me. In my head I calculated the amount of money that I had left, and how long it would be till Shawn popped up again. I figured I would make it, but just barely, I had been doing this for about a year now, so what the hell was one more time.

It’s funny the things that you focus on when you are purposely trying to not pay attention to something. Randy had me face down on my bed, with my ass in the air. I was propped up on my body pillow and had my head turned to the side, I was staring at the curtains as they swung back and forth from the gust of air that blasted from the air conditioner. Randy was thrusting away and mumbling something that sounded like my ass my ass. I paid no attention; he had a tendency to talk while he fucked me.

I continued to watch the curtains and then wondered why Bill had picked such a god awful color; they were hunter green and heavy as hell. Upon further consideration, I assumed he had done it because of the direction that the building faced, if the color was dark and the drapes were heavy then they would block out the sun and the room would stay cooler. I could feel the beads of sweat from Randy dropping onto the small of my back and cooling. He was sweating more now, all that alcohol coming out of his pores. He made a half choking half moan sound and I knew he was about to cum.

Sure enough he pulled out and flipped me over. He pulled the condom off, leaned over me stroked his cock a couple of times and I felt his cum shoot on my stomach. He rolled off of me and lay panting on the bed. “Come here and get the rest of it honey, you know I always save the last drop for you.” He smiled and I could see the black lining around the top of his gums. God he disgusted me. I sighed and did what he asked. He lay there awhile longer, and before I knew it he was passed out.

I could have scrubbed my skin off I felt so disgusting, I must have brushed my teeth about eight times, I couldn’t get the smell of rum and sweat and sex out of my nose. When I was finally satisfied with my cleaning ritual I walked back out into the room and searched around for the money he had. I found it and pulled out two hundred dollars, more than I usually charged him, but he was drunk and probably wouldn’t remember how much he had anyway. I was so tired, but I couldn’t make myself get into the bed with him again. My bed had once again been contaminated. So I grabbed a spare blanket out of one of my dresser drawers and curled up in the armchair.

I must have slept pretty hard, when I woke up Randy was gone. There was a note on the bed “Thanks honey.” It read and right next to it was a hundred dollar bill. I laughed out loud, what a dumb fuck. Three hundred dollars wasn’t bad for a nights work.

“I am telling you honey this was one fast Mexican, I seen him over there by the cooler eyeing some Tecate but I didn’t think nothing of it. I was busy with some old bitch that hoarded her crossword bingo tickets for seven years and then decided to cash em all in one night. I was madder than hell. Anyway I am just about to open the register to count out her money when I see him beeline for the door. I didn’t know what to do, he was too fast, and so I yelled out POLICIA! I don’t know why I thought that was gonna stop him, well anyway it didn’t and I had to stay an extra thirty minutes after my shift was over to talk to the damn police and file a report.” Aggie finally stopped to take a long drag off of her cigarette. As mad as she was I couldn’t help but laugh at the way she told the story, she could make buying sugar at Wal-mart an epic adventure.

“Sorry your night didn’t go well, mine wasn’t to hot either.” I said taking a bite out of my strawberry cheesecake pastry. I never went into detail with Aggie about what I did. I knew she knew, but we never talked about it. Maybe that was a reason I liked her so much. Aggie didn’t judge, she just bitched.

“Yeah, well what are you gonna do? You know?” she said shaking her head. “Oh by the way I told Shawn you wanted to talk to him. Did he come by?”

“Yeah he did. We talked and he told me he was going to come back but he didn’t so I assume something came up.” I said.

“Your damn right it did, it’s called crack and that is what crack heads do. I don’t know why you bother with him.”

“He’s a good person Aggie, he just makes bad decisions, and I am not the person to point fingers at anybody.”

“I hear you on that one, there was something else I wanted to tell you and now I can’t remember for the life of me what it was. Oh well my breaks over so I better get back in. I’ll see ya tomorrow.” She said heaving herself off the bench, she waved at me and went back in the store.

I sat there for awhile watching the cars go up and down Main Street. I watched the people stand at the bus stop and look irritated while checking there cell phones to see if the bus was going to make it on time. I don’t know why watching people interested me so much. I guess it’s because whatever the hell they were doing or where they were going was a whole lot better than what I had.

I decided not to go home. I knew that come noon there would be knocking on the door. The mechanic shop across the street had an hour long lunch for its employees and I knew about three of them would be knocking on my door for a quickie. After the Randy incident I swore I wasn’t going to let that happen again. I said I wasn’t going to do it anymore, but truth be told I loved the money. Maybe I was like Shawn, I had an addiction and even though I hated it and it made me sick to do it, I still had to have it.



It was nice walking around. I popped my head into several antique shops and stopped at a café for a turkey Panini and an iced coffee. People watching is different in the historic district of Main Street then out on the main drag where I lived. The people even carry themselves different. I watched groups of women walk back and forth with there designer purses sipping iced drinks and oohing and ahhing over the display windows of over priced boutiques. I envied them so bad it made my stomach tense. How must it feel to know that you don’t have to do a damn thing and still always have money? You go out shopping and spend money because you have nothing else to do with your time.

I could go out there with them and do the same thing, I had a little under four hundred dollars with me, I could go buy something expensive and pretend it means nothing to me, but then I won’t eat for the rest of the week. I would get that temporary high and sense of belonging but it won’t last long. Because I know that I am not one of them, I never will be, and all the pretending in the world is never going to change that.

I got tired of berating myself, so decided to call it a day and head for home, I caught the bus right on time and avoided having to walk back, it wasn’t far, but I had quite suddenly lost my urge to walk and wanted nothing more than to go home, watch T.V and take a nap.

Of course that was short lived, there was a teenage boy sitting on the back of a Dodson in the parking lot and he lit up when he saw me. “Are you Sam?’ he asked me. I was half tempted to say no, but he looked so excited to see me.

“Yes.” I said as monotonous as I could, which wasn’t very difficult considering the pity ou party that was currently hosting for myself.

“Your beautiful, you don’t know me, but my uncle Raymond works across the street at the fix it mechanic shop and he told me to come see you.”

“Come see me about what?” I said. From the way he blushed and looked down at his feet I knew two things. One this kid was a virgin. Second seeing as this would be his first time, I could name my price, cause he wouldn’t know any better.

“Uhhhh…sex.” He whispered.

“Before I answer that question, how old are you?” I asked looking him over.

“I just turned eighteen.” He said pulling a drivers license out of his wallet. I took it from him and made a big deal about looking it over really good.

“Looks legit, what do you want?” I said walking toward my room and pulling the key out of my back pocket. He ran to catch up to me and stopped when he got to the threshold.

“I can’t fuck you out there.” I said. “Or we’ll both get arrested.”

He blushed again and came through the door, shutting it will a little to much energy causing it to slam really loud.

“Sorry.” It came out fast and loud. “Sorry.” He said again lower. “I didn’t mean to yell.”

I laughed “You are nervous as hell aren’t you?” he nodded and looked around the room.

“So what did your Uncle Raymond have to say about me?” I asked taking off my sandals and kicking them into the corner.

“He said you were pretty and great.” The boy said staring at his feet.

“You lie. I know your Uncle Raymond, and he couldn’t be that polite if he tried. So go on and tell me what he really said. Must have been something nice, cause here you are.” I said gesturing toward him.

“He said you are hot in every way, suck dick like you were born to and are the greatest fuck he has ever had.”

“Now that sounds more like Raymond.” I laughed and began removing my clothes. He tensed up and backed into the corner like I was going to attack him. I didn’t want to call him out on being a virgin but he was making it pretty damn obvious. I walked toward him slowly like I saw the researchers do on the discovery channel when approaching a potentially dangerous animal.

“Now look, you came here to see me, so why so shy?” I said reaching for him, He didn’t move away, but he also didn’t come any closer.

“I know.” He stammered. “And I really want to, but I’ve never done this before, and I am terrified to tell the truth.”

“That’s alright, but you don’t have to be, I will take care of everything.” I leaned into him and reached down between his legs, he was already hard, this was going to literally take no more than a few minutes. I layed down on the bed and watched him undress, he had insisted that I let him do it himself. He was down to just his briefs when someone knocked on the door. I thought the poor boy was going to have a heart attack. I shushed him, wrapped myself in a sheet and went to the door. It was Bill. “Bill I am in the middle of something right now, so if you could come back later that would be great.” I smiled at him and went to close the door. He put his foot in the door and handed me a note. “This came to the front desk this morning, but you’ve been out all day so I couldn’t get it to you.” He said. “Read it Sam.” He said and turned around and walked away.

Bill had never been that serious with me ever. After he had cleared my line of sight, I looked down at the letter. It took a moment for the name to register and then it hit. I was holding a note from my mother.

I turned around to look at my guest, he was standing there with a look of surprise on his face. I assured him everything was fine and excused myself. I went into the bathroom and sat on the toilet. I held the letter in my hands for a moment and then summoned up my courage and opened it.



Sam,

I have been looking for you for awhile now. I always had a feeling that you were close by. I went into the Circle K the other day with a picture of you and a woman named Aggie said that she sees you everyday and that you were living in the American motel. I didn’t tell her that I was your mother because I didn’t want you to run from me. The man named Bill at the front counter confirmed that you were here, and he answered a few questions for me. He told me everything Sam. I will admit that I cried for awhile, and to think of it makes me sad and angry but I still want nothing more than to see you. I want you to come home and stop doing this to yourself. Let me help you Sam please. It will never be brought up and I will never tell anyone. I love you now as I loved you then. Nothing can change that.

Mom



The tears streamed down my face, but I didn’t make a sound. What the hell was I going to do. I wanted to see my mother more than anything and here it was, proof that she hadn’t forgotten about me. I wiped the tears from my eyes. I didn’t have time for this right now. I needed to get back out there. I put the letter on the counter, washed my face and looked at myself in the mirror. “This is the last time.” I said to myself and walked out into the bedroom.

He was laying on the bed playing with himself watching a porn movie on the T.V. I needed to get rid of him quick and then sit and think about all this shit that was happening. I dropped the sheet and crawled into the bed. He smiled at me, and I took his hands place and stroked him up and down as fast as I could.

“Hey!” he said. “Not so fast, I want to remember this.” His face was beet red, and as in a rush as I was I figured it wasn’t fair to him to ruin his first time. So I let go. “How do you want me?” I asked. He pointed at the screen to the woman who was face down screaming into a pillow.

I laughed and arranged myself in his selected position. He wasted no time. How long was I in the bathroom? I felt him enter me, he stopped for just a second and then began thrusting. As usual I zoned out and started thinking about everything else. I had the four hundred dollars in my pants pocket on the floor and once I was done with him, I should have a hundred more. I would get cleaned up and go to my moms house. Take her out to lunch and we would talk. She said we would never mention this again and I believed her, but I am sure she would want to hear it out of my mouth at least once. Then we could all pretend that it never happened.

He was thrusting faster now and starting to growl and grunt. He leaned forward and put his hands on my shoulders. Pushing me face down into the pillows, at first I didn’t react, I figured he would be done any second now, but he kept going, I was starting to get panicky, but then he let go. “On your back.” He said.

“Okay.” I gasped. “Lets be a little more careful though alright, I am not a blow up doll and I need to breathe.”

He paid no attention and as soon as I was on my back he lifted my legs onto his shoulders and was back inside of me. He had his hands on either side of my head and kept pumping into me. It was starting to hurt. “Hey, your getting a little rough. Slow down or your going to cum early.” I said smiling at him. He smiled back. “You talk to goddamn much.” He said, and before I could react he moved his hands and secured them around my neck. He pushed his full weight into me and I couldn’t move. I slapped my hands at him but he had his elbows cocked out and his elbows were digging into my arms. Oh God I thought. This is it. This is the last time. Once the realization hit I quit fighting him, I heard him moan and felt him cum in me just as I lost consciousness.

I was thinking about my mom. Of all the days of all the times, but in the words of Aggie that’s how it is and there ain’t a damn thing you can do about it.

Shawn came at about four fifteen that day to apologize for forgetting to come see me, and he brought me the lap top that he promised he would try to get for me. My murderer hadn’t bothered to close the door all the way, so Shawn peeked his head in and was the one who found me. He walked up to the bed and saw me lying there lifeless and blue. Then Shawn ran sacked my apartment and took my money, my shoes, and the lap top.

Bill came later that evening to ask if I had read the letter and to see how I was taking it. He screamed when he found me, and after he called the police he sat at the edge of the bed and cried for me. I always knew that old man loved me.

The police called my mother and she came down to the morgue to identify my body. Bill offered to help with all the preparations. Thank God for Bill, he would always help my mom.

I was buried a week later, Bill and my mom spared no expense. My mom went to the newspaper and printed me out an obituary, it read:

Samantha Keenan

Born March 18th 1984

Died June 28th 2010

Samantha Keenan passed away the afternoon of June 28th of unknown causes. She was twenty-six years old. Services will be held at McKinley funeral parlor at 8:00am. Followed immediately by the procession to the Queen of Peace cemetery. Samantha is survived by her mother Karen and Stepfather Michael.

My stone read simply:

Samantha Keenan

Born March 18th 1984

Died June 28th 2010

“Beloved daughter I love you now as I loved you then and nothing will ever change that”

They never found the man who killed me. Come to think of it I never even asked his name. It wasn’t important, he was the last one.