Home

Leaving home was the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. It was almost as if I was leaving by force, rather than by choice. So many nights were spent contemplating and trying to outweigh pros and cons of my decision, and every time the answers were the same. I was doing the right thing. I was marrying the love of my life, and we would be starting a brand new life together. In the eyes of everyone around me, this was definitely the best decision for me. But in my eyes, I was having lots of second thoughts. Not because I didn't want to get married,not because I wasn't head-over-heels in love, but because I was so terrified to leave the securities of my home. Everything I knew and loved.
People my age, as well as people many years younger than I, get married every day. They leave home, and start a new life with someone special to them. I kept telling myself this, and in return I was asking myself this question : do all of these people feel the same things that I am feeling? Is everyone THIS scared to leave home? Well, I was. Now that I look at the situation, I think that it wasn't really the leaving home part that terrified me. It was the aftermath. How would it be when I moved away? Would things stay the same? Would my parents be alright? Would life in my hometown continue to run as usual without me being there? Seriously...all of these thoughts were crossing my mine! I felt like a lunatic. In the long run, however, this was just a chance I was going to have to take. Why? Because a lifetime spent with the man I loved was in my future, and I couldn't let that slip away from me.

Keith and I met in June of 2007. We were introduced by a mutual friend of ours, and we hit it off instantly. About two weeks after we met, we were absolutely inseparable. I had been in so many dead-end relationships (I'm assuming I can use that term in reference to relationships, kind of like a dead-end job?) and I was almost to the point where I felt like I would never find true love. We spent a couple of months together that summer, and it was amazing. But our romance would soon come to a sudden halt--he was leaving for boot camp training with the United States Navy. We are from Georgia, and he was going all the way to Michigan. Things went a little south a few weeks before he left, and we went our separate ways. I was completely heartbroken. I thought that everything was so perfect, and it seemed like we would never be apart. But in the blink of an eye, our entire relationship seemed to disappear.
Our separation didn't last too long though. He came home to visit after bootcamp, and it was almost as if he had never left. We fell right back in love--I'm not sure that we ever fell OUT of love to begin with. We were absolutely crazy about each other. He got stationed in Florida, and we continued to talk regularly and maintain somewhat of a relationship. Every time that he would come home to visit, we were together. It got to the point where we were talking every single day, and we decided to give the whole long distance romance thing a shot. He started coming home to visit a lot more often (as much as physically and monetarily possible, actually..) and I even started to meet him halfway between our home town and his base. I even visited him in Florida a few times, when I could get time off from work. Everything was excellent as far as our relationship was concerned. The only thing that was in the way of our complete happiness together was 400 miles.
We began talking about living together. I absolutely LOVED the idea of being with him all the time. I felt like if we could just be together every day, like we were in the very beginning of our relationship, everything would be perfect. However; there was simply no way I would be able to live with him before marriage and obtain my parents' approval. They loved him almost as much as I did, but they have never and will never believe in living together before getting married. So I told Keith that unless we got married, I wouldn't be able to live with him. We would just have to continue our long distance relationship--which was becoming quite a problem. We were both becoming insecure about everything. Anytime I would go out with my friends, he would worry about me meeting someone new. And everytime he was out with his military friends, I would complain and accuse him of being out with girls.
I went to visit him in late February for a little over a week. He had moved out of the barracks where he was living on base, and was renting an apartment. I was so excited that he was doing this, because it made me feel like he was preparing for our future together. We had been talking alot about marriage, and we had even been looking at engagement rings online. I had a big feeling that this would be an amazing week. We would be getting engaged. I arrived on a Saturday afternoon, and when he picked me up from the airport and took me to see the apartment, I absolutely fell in love with him all over again. I couldn't stop envisioning our new life together. We would be a married couple, living together in our new apartment, and we would have the blessing of my parents and his. Everything would be right with the world in my eyes. But the week started going by, and every single day I just KNEW that he was going to propose. He took me to dinner at a really nice restaurant one night, and I was absolutely positive that in just a matter of hours, I would be calling my mom and making wedding plans. But the night went on...and nothing happened. By Friday morning, I was devastated. I was leaving in 2 days, and he still hadn't popped the question.
He had to go in to work for a few hours that day, and he told me he shouldn't be home past 10. About an hour after he left for work, I heard a knock at the door. I was a little reluctant to answer, because this apartment complex was still a very new and unfamiliar place to me. I didn't know anyone, and I sure wasn't in the mood to meet any new neighbors! I looked out the peep hole, and didn't see anyone. I decided to open the door anyways, I mean if this was a prank, I was definitely in the mood to let someone have it! When I opened the door and turned on the light, there was my sweet boyfriend. He was in his uniform, down on one knee, with an absolutely stunning engagement ring...smiling. I was in shock. I had been expecting this all week...but I had given up on it. Then he surprised me. It was such a magical moment. I couldn't tell him "yes" one time...I think it was "yes...yes...yes..." with lots of hugs and kisses. I was now the future Mrs. B.
When I went back home, I was so excited. My mom and I started the wedding planning process right away. Let me say one thing about wedding planning: it is ridiculous. There is SO much to be done! I don't have too much to say about the planning details. It had its moments of being lots of fun, and I'm so grateful that I got to spend so much time with my amazing mother and beautiful family members and bridesmaids. But I was so relieved when everything was done. Which was not until 4am the night before the wedding.
The wedding was definitely worth all of the trouble, to say the least. Everything was absolutely beautiful. The decorations were nothing less than spectacular, and we enjoyed every single minute of everything and everyone. Walking down the aisle and seeing the man I love tearing up and looking at me in my gorgeous wedding dress was definitely a memory that will never even begin to fade from my memory. It was magical.
Our honeymoon was in San Juan, Puerto Rico. One word: paradise. I can't wait to visit there again someday. There's nothing like being waited on hand and foot while laying out on the immaculate white sand beaches of the Carribean. I couldn't have asked for a better honeymoon. After a week of being lazy beach bums and spending way too much money, we headed back home to Atlanta. My parents picked us up from the airport, and I couldn't believe how happy I was to see them. My parents are such a blessing to me in so many ways. I can't begin to describe the love that I have for them. They are such terrific people. They took us to dinner, and we told them all about the honeymoon. We went back to their house (THEIRS, not MINE anymore) where we unloaded our luggage and began opening all of the wedding gifts left from the reception. We looked at wedding pictures, as well as a few from the honeymoon. I had been having so much fun with my brand new husband...but it felt SO good to be back home. And even though it isn't technically MY home anymore, it will always be home to me in a sense.
We were only going to be in Georgia for a few more days, since Keith had to be back at work toward the end of the week. Honestly, I think those were the hardest few days of my life. Even though I was married, I had been on my honeymoon, and all of my things had already been moved to the apartment...somehow none of it had really hit me yet. I felt like I would just be staying in Georgia, and Keith would be going back to Florida, like normal. When the day finally came for us to head south, I cried like a baby. Literally. I clung to my parents like I was a 5 year old child on the first day of kindergarten. I knew that once I moved to Florida, nothing would ever be the same. Of course my parents would be the same and the house would still be there. But I've always heard that once you move out, it's never the same. And this is definitely the truth.
We drove to Florida and began getting everything settled in. It was the end of October, and I wouldn't be going back home until Thanksgiving. It's only a month, I can do this. You know how everyone says "you never really know someone until you live with them"? Well. This is perhaps one of the most honest statements I have ever heard in my whole entire life. Living with someone every day, well there is bound to be a little tension from time to time. He does the littlest things to get on my nerves, such as leaving wet towels on the bed post. And I know that I irritate him as well, especially when I talk in my sleep. But you know what? No matter what we do to irritate each other, I know that we will always brush it off. We love each other so much, and I am so terribly grateful that God has chosen to put this amazing man into my life. Nobody could ever love me as much as Keith does, and the same goes for him. We are simply a match made in heaven.
Being away from home was extremely hard for a long time. I cried almost every single day. When Keith left for work, and I was all by myself, I would just cry like a baby. I had to talk to my parents every single day, more than once, for weeks. It was almost embarrassing. I missed them so much. And I missed my friends. I missed my job...which I NEVER thought I would miss. I just missed my whole life before moving away. I began to realize that one of the reasons that I felt so alone in this new town was because I didn't know anyone. At all. So when Keith introduced me to one of his coworkers and his girlfriend, I was more than relieved.
Now every girl in the world knows how hard it is to meet a true, genuine, down to earth girl-friend. They are few and far between. Liz, my new friend, is wonderful. She comes from a small town, just like I do, and she is just such an awesome person. I am really glad that we are getting to know each other. Now I have someone to spend time with when Keith is working. Thank GOD!

Finally, the time came to go home for Thanksgiving. It would only be for 5 days, but I was more excited than I have ever been to go anywhere. It is the funniest thing...now that I live away from Georgia, going home is like a vacation. It has always been a vacation to go to Florida for me...and now Florida is where I live. Honestly, it doesn't even feel like I live in Florida. I seems like I live in Georgia still, just really far from home. Its a little crazy! When we got back home, we went straight to my parents' house. It was so good to see their faces as they greeted us at the door. I was "home". But then...it hit me. This wasn't MY home anymore. This was simply my parents' house. This was now a place that we would visit. For days at a time. Not a place that I would ever live again. It was the strangest feeling that I have ever felt. Almost like a slap in the face, mixed with a kick in the stomach. I felt like crying, but I wasn't exactly sad. It was almost a blank feeling. I hurt on the inside, but I wasn't sure why. I felt like I didn't know how to act, or what to say. The house even smelled different. You know how growing up, your house always has a signature "smell"? Well, I didn't smell that anymore. (That could definitely be because the smell was covered up by the smells of fresh paint and new furniture...my parents had been doing lots of work around the house). When we went into my old bedroom to put our luggage away, I was almost breathless. The furniture was different. It was like a whole new room. It wasn't "my" room anymore. Strangely, I was taking all of these feelings and emotions pretty well. It hurt, but it wasn't unbearable. It is definitely a feeling thats too difficult to describe.

Thanksgiving with our friends and family was wonderful. It was great seeing everyone, and eating way too much of the yummy food. But, after a few days, it was time to say goodbye...again. It was easier this time than it had been the first time. I didn't cry! I don't even think my mom cried! Very surprising. I'm pretty sure that the main reason that I wasn't too upset this time is because I knew we were going to be back in Georgia again in just a couple of weeks for Christmas vacation. Regardless, we made it through our goodbyes without tears.
This concludes my story, even though it was possibly a little long and drawn out. I had to include all of our background information, because I absolutely LOVE sharing our love story with others. I have married an amazing man, and I couldn't ask for anything more. I know that he will always be there for me and take care of me. He is so supportive of my decisions, and he is just absolutely fabulous. Leaving home was definitely one of the hardest obstacles I've come across in my 23 years in this world. But I now have somewhat of a different outlook on the situation. I was so scared to move out, and move away from my parents; but I think what I was truly scared of was leaving the securities of my home. Now that I have adjusted to being a married person, and living wth my husband in "our home", I am starting to feel many securities here also. Like I said, our home will always be with my family and friends in Georgia. But I'm willing to move anywhere and everywhere with my husband, because I know that no matter where we end up, as long as we are together, everything else will just fall into place. =]