A letter to J unsent

J. -

  How many years has it been ? Not when we met thru your dad and my ex. But since we met ? It was before you watched over me while I was sick after my breakup (I should have stopped with him then).I know it was sometime before you'd watch me "sing" along with the radio while I drove you to work. Did you know that to this day you're the only person I can "sing" infront of ? I still can't sing.

  Maybe it's just me, I don't know. I've felt something really good when we're around each other. I like it. And I notice it missing when we're not. Did you ever feel anything ? I kinda think you did. The only question is - do you now ?

  I am fully aware that alot of years have gone by and according to your Facebook page you're in a relationship. Please do not take this as me wanting to come between you two ... atleast that is not my intention. I've been on the receiving end of that & I really don't want to be the cause of it. But at the same time, here you are reading this letter.

  Maybe I'm hoping that since we saw each other June - maybe you still felt something. My heart raced that evening and I was confused, torn emotionally, while I sat there telling you about my big move the next week. I miss your texts goodnight. And those feelings followed me south. I thought of you too often.

  Life has brought me back, for a few years anyway. And now I find myself starting over at the bottom again, and wishing my old true friend were by my side. Only now I want that something more that has lingered unspoken for so long. I see so clearly now, all that was there in June and I tried to tell myself that leaving was right. I have no guarantees, I expect none - but wondering what if ...

Until next time,
S.