Broken

What I know for sure is that some things are black and white. No grey area exists. In the core of my very being; a place where no one ever comes close to knowing, I know the truth. The truth does not always set you free; although I long to be free. Simply being overweight is not the dilemma, it is the symptom. Walking along side is heartache, shame, anguish and disbelief in ones self; all combined, capable of introducing you to death. It is possible to live and have the life torn out of you. Every decision in my life has had one very distinct common denominator…weight. Like a lighthouse which beacons those lost souls home; mine lead me to an internal prison. In real life there is no “Knight in shining armor” to save me. I am the only one who will do the saving; I will walk this journey alone. The burden of being overweight is overwhelming; there is always some reason to feel not good enough. It is a silent misery, forever trying to make up for what I lack. At times bringing me to my knees; begging for a moment of peace. My late father would tell me that I am meant to fly; he simply never realized I have broken wings. I have no sense of security; I do not allow myself to be vulnerable; no one to feast so abundantly on what is left of me. In my dreams, I have someone, whom I am exactly what and who I am…completely; he loves me…anyway! Then I awaken, realizing it was just a dream. Knowing that all anyone will ever see is my face, disappointed, they will only leave a shadow of themselves. I have learned that if there is room to stand, there is room to knell. I pray to escape the cocoon I am encased in and F L Y!!! When I do, I promise I will leave more than a shadow imprinted in someone’s heart.