'Til Demons Close These Eyes

Nothing.
Empty.
Is it so hard to wish for numbness?
It is easy to want the end, but how easy is it to accept life?
I want to escape yet I desire to remain
Do any see me or accept me?
I am weak, I have many complaints of this life of mine yet seek no change
Or do I seek change where merely one isn't needed?
Maybe I'm still that red-eyed crying child I thought I left behind
Have I grown so little in these years I still feel...vastness?
Could I actually have the courage to take my life as I thought would gain me freedom?
No, for I am weak and do not have such wants of ultimate escape
I merely want happiness and one to know me, love me, accept me for all I am.
But even love and acceptance have a price, almost all would turn on you for a price.
Or they would desert you because they no longer saw your importance.
Forget that, I am a scar on their minds now, they CAN'T forget me.
Why am I so weak? Why is there darkness inside me trying to have me free it?
I will not give my soul or life for happiness. because the demons who offer it get the better end of the bargain.
Though my life is worthless and pointless to almost all I will not surrender it.
I do not need pity from anyone because I dug my own grave.
I will move on, abandoned or no, because Im still here.
Until demons close these eyes.