To live a life

These words have been left unspoken for sometime now. I feel I must say something, as I fear the guilt will eventually envelop me, consume me and suffocate me in a blanket of darkness, from which I will not be able to escape. It’s been to long, far too long, Ive never felt I could confine in anyone, I mean yes ive told the court and all the law people what had happened, but Ive never told the full story. I never found anyone I could find comfort in; trust in, someone to make me feel safe. Ive never found anyone like jack. I never will. You see I have a problem. I’m about to die.

Power. One word, one thing. Everyone craves power; even if they’ve got it they always want more. Power can be a good thing, or a bad thing. Depends really on how you use it. You could use it for good like building homes for homeless people. Or you could abuse your position. Get the thrill for being a rebel for a change; you know the bad boy image. Well……………….bad girl image in my case.

Daddies little princess. Spoilt rotten, everything I wanted when I wanted it. I had everything I could ever need or want. I was the rich girl. I had it all. My mother had died in childbirth so id never seen her, only in photos. My father was a big company owner, and racked by the sorrow of loosing my mother, the guilt of me never getting to know her he showered me with gifts.But he was never there. I had never, not once got nothing in my life. Everyone wanted to be me. I wanted to be everyone else.

To live a seemingly perfect life of luxury isn’t what it seems to be. In my opinion it is a stereotyped version of the truth. As I’ve said I had everything, and I mean everything. I wasn’t happy being the rich kid, I had to uphold the ‘I’m better than you image”. I hated it. I wanted to be normal, like every else. Happiness was the one thing I just couldn’t have.

I didn’t have any friends. I was home schooled. Daddy wouldn’t allow me to go to normal school you see. Too much of a risk. I had an extremely unhappy childhood. I had everything that a good, proper school could ever need. ICT equiptement, books…
I didn’t have a playground. A play ground filled with the youthful fresh voices of children is what every school needs. Playgrounds are what make a school a school. You make friends in the playground, play games, and scrape your knees, your happy. Me, I was completely alone.

I had it all. I should have been grateful, but inside I was screaming.