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Printed from https://writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1291383-Losing-my-damn-mind
Rated: 18+ · Other · Psychology · #1291383
this is my state of mind and how i react
Mind Blast
i think im going insane my main brain which was once sane has drained the thought i gained,
derailed, but contained the hail to maintain the trail of my sayin to impail the grain of your pale small brain so you can obtain my reason to sink this season to link the past with later so fast the traitor,
will stab your back, still grab your pack,
it listens for you when you call, shits missins,you knew then you fall.
but ignore what more you desire to conspire to continue for longer but in you your tired
, but resist what we insist to not stop, it persist you not stop,
but with a mind to unbind the curse and reverse and unwind it gets worse as we find the first grind with mental collision and rental descision
and well being to tell freeing this shackle to tackle the fight on sight and brain stability and contrain abilty to choose the side who lose who hide, but we all reside to say we decide.
but at times we think were at the brink of loosing it and bruisen  our infection without our detection and our recollections forgets but regrets that inspection to an extent we meant to subconsciencly vent
how obnoxiously we sent ourselves and wealths with a one way ticket and one day pick it as the one way to remember our mistakes as we lend our sakes to the one with no brakes

the nights return as the light may burn the thought my delight i learn but for the moment its no concern
the nights come back and the pack through pack i wonder why i do this and due to the sleep i miss i continue to relax and wonder about tax and all the tracks
but due to haste and the waste i taste as i embrace the reason but i find only during certain seasons i can do the things i do without a clue i sit and due to habit i ensue to grab it by the wrists and insist this river not cold i shiver, its bold
i been told this way of life gets old but its yet to grow mold and the thought is sold to the part of me who starts with glee as i race to see theres no end to see
but the way i live in, i say with no faith no sin, but its my decision to make that collision and make that incision to the end of my vision

yes i am aware of the many errors, but it should be legible





When shit settled, turns out it only peddaled faster and faster without care, but the master of despair does not compare with the final degree of water finaly clear to see..
at first it didnt seem cursed, but in time, line after line, it takes it toll bowl before bowl. with ambition and pride was wishin they could hide but ride after ride the tide never went low, but it did, slow but not slow.
then slowly a cloud of doom made room in its only place where it could consumer, it tried and tried and the tide wasnt so wide.but when he struck, the cloud died to his luck, but was still stuck. the man went to the ocean to grab more of its potion, but had to walk far this time, stood and laughed at his past prime. he no longer went up to the mountain but went to his own fountain and in the fields for what he weilds to him was a sheild. down but no longer down, he still wanted to find his crown, but knew time was needed and he no longer feeded, stood seated wasnt defeated. neever to ride back up and started to bring that tide back up


we evolve our science to solve our alliance with nature to strive, like i say we try to play a better species , yet our own eat thier fecses. why do we do it, why do we commit ourselves to increase our



Were at war sitting keepin score, with oil galore we ignore the gore required to store our present life, some resent the knife, they say we need peace, that will never cease along with the grease used in tanks, and collect ranks to insure their banks. War will never stop, peace will always flop, at least for the time being, looking back im seeing, how being dominant determines how long it rules this planet, understand it, that peace may rise over war, but which more, right now, is accepted to the norm, whichever has more people following this one feeling, will take over the other, but the factors to factor are hard to determine this considering human emotion and feeling for war has always been around, so hasnt peace. when will love take over hate, if thats even possible, its never too late, o wait  our fate is arleady doomed as i assumed, the want for war, for power has shortened our hour. you porlby know its global warming and how its storming at a pace faster than ever, unless we turn this lever from greed to plant seeds, were fucked, wont matter which emotion sparked more commotion to the point of newborns instinctly are inclined to resent war. we wil fight to the end of our ultimate destruction, one day there wont be a human
recontruction.





Twat; an acronym for a war we cannot win. T.w.a.d, another instance, composed of infinite resistence. Both these wars are created for a hated concept of living and and except them to be driven from existence.  But given the persistence on both sides, seems the tide resides on an equal balance, each showin their talents. With the government seeming to be on both wars, they show how how they break down doors, of innocent victims using medicine, when the law tricked them, read them their rights and despite thief efforts, they are still left hurt. Are they protecting citizens? or throwing shit at them? Is using medicine a crime? I thought that time ended, when cruel and unusual punishment was prime. I guess not, they best brought a good explanation, not only to patients, but the whole nation. For them to say dont use drugs to solve your issues, but buy our valium and we wish you luck. What the fuck is that? How do we react? Our opinions dont matter, as we get fatter and are concerend with terrorists, show me the error list. If i even am alive when i hit page 105, id of thrown it down, and look around, at every town, and wondehowd they plunder this or that, how are they not nourishin their needs, how can a nation ignore their own pleads? cant afford college and collect knowledge, without a degree how will they be, able to support their own, will they starve to the bone, because their insurance hung up the phone? They are required to pay so they can be insured if an incident occured, but cant get the cash because the taxes put a lash on them, and the rash that they got from puttin out the trash, that burns and concerns, but cant get treatment because of their seatment in social order, well all equal, in fine print read the sequel." If you want this nation to help, then you must ration your wealth to us, without us, you cant live"

t.w.a.t, , it gives me the shivers,this battle, were on a river, without a paddle. Yes bush, we sure belive you can relive this world of evil do-ers. I also trust that by goin into a land filled with sand, and help their war, will help us, help the world.

Remove people of evil! Sure, i trust you can destroy a human emotion, their will to achieve what they feel they want to do. The next war, T.W.A.E. the war against eating, ill bet youll say to congress. If we stop the eatin we stop the fatness, we must jail the eaters or kill them. Seems like something our government would do. How about, T.w.A.R.A.F.M.K, the war against research and further medical knowledge, you kno stop peoples efforts to help the world. Im sure when you engage in that war, people who sit in jail, will never want to make a positive difference. Wait judging by massive vetoes of such research, its already started, i hope you win this war, were doin very well killing human anger. Were also winning the war against drugs, since the governemt determined that drugs are bad for you, and by jailing you and exceuting you, we will end the concept of supply and demand and end use of drugs. Well jailing people for using drugs, will either scare them into not doin drugs into the first place and not risk goin to jail, or jail will help them, or jail will be a break from drugs for a while. It really worked, i mean breaking into homes burning plants and sending people to jail, really stopped people from wanted to do drugs. Well  killing drug users stop them from using drugs, and kinda show how our leaders use excessive force to get what they want.
    To Put that in other terms, you cant win a war on drugs. you never can. drugs have always been around, and putting people in jail doesnt stop it at all. Just has more money for us to pay so they can live, hmmm why cant you do that? i mean with all those incompetent studies, and your luxeries on our tax dollars, i dont understand why the government, does find the money for, hospitals, schools, poor and homeless people, and every problem that they charge for. I dont know, but its corroption, and nothing more. If they truly cared about this country and what it stands for these issues wouldnt be such a problem, more like a issue at hand. People have always been doin drugs, and only recently its a bad thing. I agree some drugs fuck with your mind and set you back, but that leads me to my other question, what happend to free-will? when did making your own decisions to live your own life , get fucked over worse by those who govern? If you want to die then die, free-wil. were free people, suppossidly. No matter who is killed, who is growing, who is jailed, destroying peoples want to do somethin, will never be destroyed, it just wont happen.
      Also like the war against terror, you kill the terrorists, you end terrorism right? No, never, never fucking happen, since humans are instinctivly needing to fight, people will, regardless of consequences, fight for what they belive. What us americans see as an act of terrorism , to them is a goal to be achieved. I am not vouching for terrorism or encouraging it, but depsite any effort people will kill people who stand in their way of how they want things. Hmmmm, wait, sounds like Bush, and every other leader American or not, sounds like a terrorist. Bush wants to kill people who kill others and fight for what the belive. On the other hand Bush sends out people who kill people and fight for what Bush belives. Hypocrasy.
        I dont hate America, but its too corrupt for average people to live in. Our votes count? They say yes, and we elect people in electoral colleges to vote for us, the electoral votes determine it. Hmmm so in the event that the votes of Collegs, do not nessacarily reflect how we feel, then our votes do not count. I mean when Bush vs. Gore? Fuckin look at that, tell me that our votes count. The college wanted Bush. On the other hand, the COUNTRY wanted Gore, then tell me our votes count. Theres no arguement that can justify that.
    We have shown the world that no form of control will ever be truly effective, depsite efforts with means of force, fear, love, promise, hope, happyness. No matter what leaders try to do to make things perfect, it will never work. There is no such thing as perfect, and well, the concept of everything working as planned, along with everything fucking up, in a concept of man, doesnt exist a plain of reality besides our own. Humans are too reckless and we have too much desire to do what we want, makes us uncontrolable. Sad but true. Governments can rule and control, but only to a certain extent, and the super power never lasts, Rome, Mesopotamia. Hitler, and yet we belive that Americans will never become weak. history proves that humans make so many fucking bad desicions, that they will always find a way to fuck things up.




Religion and how it corrupts.
People see somethin above, it shows them love a reason to love each season, they see something that gives them hope a reason to cope, they look up and belive their god created the earth, no other god gave birth, they lie, they defy. Most ignore science and their reliance of the question"how did this happen" they are trapped in a state of mind, that a higher power made it, and wouldnt trade it. Evolution is a joke, that idea must be broke, "we came from monkeys, haha that theory sunk me, giving reason that your goin to hell, god will find you a rebel, god made every pebble"
People belive god in on their side, that he resides on each war, and affects your test score.
Some belive he is a she, others ask how can he be a she when we see he cannot be, we all agree that all forms of ultimate powers could never allow a her to when man is better in every sense.
What a load of incompetence and old ideas when we feared that god will actualy stike, if you dont like him, but then again, never showed, so a load of followers killed hte swallowers of other faith,
People say your good to go to church because you "should", your boss will toss a fit if you admit you dont belive or percieve any such. Your thinking they are insane, they complain and in their brain you see a rain of crazy when you see the train theyre riding isnt goin on the right track dividing what is sane and what isnt.


          Everywhere you go theres some form of religion. People claim that up above that theres a higher power something to fear something to love.


jon asked a task to me to see how i write about a tight ryme as i find the time 2 37 at the 711 and asked lil jon for a lil gun and decided to shoot and resided in truth that jer do o double g be the killa wit his man lill g,after shooting the cunt, jon passed off the blunt and realized he idealized on something to punt, a pun to rule and control the fool to remmeber how every member of this new fgound gang has a pund over to attain of power every hour shooting an booting the looting


og loc and l j thought, oh we broe and sell, pay, bought
the sun brings compelling powder
the fun rings some selling powder
try to conceive a new chance for startintg
i too, receive ways too dance for parting
it is coming and understanding
which this numbing sand thunder landing



perhaps the hats we wear do ensnare the true care we stare at the face of evil and prey death the evil kneviel be wont and dont because of present values to escalate to ask how you do the things you do and continue to ensue on the path you claim true to trap the new brew of corrptiong has an abbrutption to prvacy and health and why we see wealth as the mental esteem of priority is prevent the steam of minort thoughts to be brought into everyones mind to severe ones kind. perservere funds grind on everyones life to the prodcitong of knife to seeking some ammo to leaking their ram to private






everything is blurred, from the way we lured every word to every absurd word that occurs to describe a action is a fraction of every thing we know. But instead of what said to our head has instead lead us to belive our sleeve has a trick to relive all we failed and bailed to sailed into the wave of reason and deep knees in shit, we try to quit but sit and wait soon to quit but late, so our fate with relate with our choice to provoke our voice but ignore and stored in a safe of the bored and adored by those who afford and soared above the rest and shove the pest to back against the suspense and the allowance to do




seems like these days never leave, i never grieve although i was to be relived of it but as i sit, it stays, it never goes away. like a freeloader sack of shit, it depelets every minute,
but sit, then stand, but it, then stand.
you want this and that but you miss all that which once was just fun but once its begun theres no seeing the sun. You wake but your mistake took hold for a cold chilly night over the hilly sight, of nothing to be seen except a sorry cold scene of a man who couldnt fight the stuggle and did all he can to lug little by little , the things he needed most and couldnt post his victory with a contradictory statement claiming he was naming the battles of emotion won instead the notion we got from the man who thought, destroyed the chance for deployed truth to advance. It took his worth and since his birth he desired a fire to burn and he learn from every emitted flame and claimed his fame by taming the wicked sight, was not tricked in fright. But as much we got, we never got a shot to the top with every flop, it didnt stop the dream of his  to conquer mentality but sent fatalities to un deserved, it was because they served this man whos could not stand the curved question to his own deceptio




the fact of karma is in fact the armor,
that bounds the bounds of action
for some that is, determines their biz
their way their style, what they say, each trial
for those who belive, the actions chose, do conceive
3 times worse or 3 times better
every word and letter, thought or desire
.
takes the learning the hard way in order to say
that what you do determines what will lay
rip somenoe off 3 times 3 dimes
get it back 3 times 3 dimes
do good get it back, karma remains on track
.
but sometimes its odd how it seems to rob
on how it works and tears and jerks
do good and you get bad news
it stood and brew wrong brews.
why does evil occur when it wasnt coming
at times im sure it


sure we all have a thing we bring to the world the pretentious idealization we been sent here,
why peel the ration when the sensation of thought is often denied by those who hide the fac
t that what they belive cannot leave the minds of all
but soon they do fall when we advance and all it sent was a message to learn
were but a speck in the universe, but we reimburse this insignificant fact
by a manner to keep intact that humans, this species of this tiny speck
but a product of evolvement, and conduct our involvement while were here
since the start of our existence, we cart our persistence by older beliefs
such as were the only ones and theres something above
as we make a glove and push and shove
we act as tho we really mattter, a speck not more, expect much more
we dont understand that tho we rule the land and think and build
does not mean were significant in any such manner
but banner by banner and each planner and tanner
claim well always live, say well one day be forgived
by something that we made up and something we conveived


yo yo check it, im a detective selected through the inspected remains of the grains of time and ryhme with no patience and the stations we build will fall and until we call the number we dialed, it doesnt matter, the pitter patter is but a matter that doesnt seem real, an ordeal we all got and pot we smoke and crack we toke and invoke the ones who carry the guns and defy the law but in the jaw that they hit and submit it as reason doesnt seem like a matter of treason each season we live and ive ourselves money to keep the nose runny and think were so funny, on the brink of ever sunny lifestyle and the bile we vomit and wallace grommit.
ha see how that makes sense and see my rents rise and my fence i despise will collapse every time we grasp the =hope and meaning that leaning on truth and fact and the tooth left intact

see if that seems logical that were bilogical and why paw



chapter 1 the basics

it was a niuce warm summer day for Pete. Was nice out, and lived in a small town on the outskirts california named Soute. There was a place were kids congered and thought of ideas and often made jokes. It was early in the day ad Tim and John wandered of out of their homes and wondered new ideas of how the world works, how its made, you know philosiphical ideas, they were walkin to their connect.
        Their connect was their preacher, his advice and medicines induced ths behavior. They only knew his as the preacher, lacked his last or even furst name due to dear of getting fucked over. Selling prescription pills were illegal, but he tho9ught that if his customers used it for purposes than other just to get fucked up he didnt really mind. The Preacher knew he was doin good for them, helping them discover thruths not normally, and they knew it was appreciated by the PReacher, he often discussed his belifes and philosophys to them, enouragin the kids to think bold, think wide, think and search for the truth. And they did, they thought about how things work and why, and often the creation that all that is.
            "hey how do you think we came here?" Pete asked John."I mean yea we dont belive in god, that he created this universe, and how science has proven otherwise, what do you think about it?"
                "Well were just products ya kno, products of gravit]y and inertia, and put our species and



hye im high and i kno why that i wish i would die without having to lie to myself anymore by sayin hey this is it once this cig is lit im done and my mind starts to run in too many places seeing too many faces showin me traaces as i run paces confusing my head with images of past fun now i dread wishing that i never led that time but this fed me kind for a while but my bile is green no more, it may be gone cuz poor diet never eating always beating me up now i drink this cup and say this will be good for the body and pet my rotti i dont know when this addiction will end but this confliction will end i know,
iknow it will, i just need something to change me for me cant do it my own i rant all alone and see my bones a motivation something to kill this invasion of hate maybe it pays in its fate as it happend this girl i met has me rappen at 7 in the morning what will this girl bring, she cant do much more considering the score of the war is winnin unlinke before, the metal pokey things is level so we sing to sublime and thats all i need, now the hunger is gone, but not too long



yes sir she says times blur we spent, hours seem like seconds and now i must give the ocmpther ytij
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