And you had no idea.

“Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other’s eyes for an instant?”

-Henry David Thoreau

Don’t you ever wonder what is going to happen to that person you just waved at across from the local Starbucks? What if right when you turned that corner and lost sight of them they got hit by a car? Or tripped over their 520 dollar Marc Jacob pumps? Well if I was the woman you waved at that day, when I swear it was 20 degrees outside, whose hair was harassing her face and looked like some unattractive mop from your viewpoint, well if you had waved to me that day, I was proposed to literally 10 seconds after I watched you turn that corner.



And my life changed.
My life changed in those 10 seconds you turned that corner.
And I said yes.
And you have no idea.




I didn’t mean to say yes.





And you have no idea.



Don’t bend me, I will break.
         “What are you thinking about?”
You didn’t look at me when I opened my mouth and those words were vomited out from it. You went ahead and answered, I imagine the sun was shining through your eyelids so what you were seeing was a black screen with yellow and reds dots dancing about. As you spoke, I wondered if you noticed them.
“Right now?”
“Yes.” Why would I ask what you were thinking about a week, or a few days ago, I don’t care about the past. I only asked because I was wondering what you are thinking about now, plus that sentence wasn’t even in a past form, you know that, so why did you ask me that?
“The clouds.” Which was a surprising answer since your eyes were shut, actually they were shut so tight that I could see the creases in your eyelids, that I know if you kept that up, time would have its way with those familiar creases and make them permanent, even if your eyes weren’t closed so tight.
“But, you can’t even see them.”
“Why cannot I not just think about them, Josephine?” Then you opened your eyes, you opened them and used your elbow and arm to support your weight as you rolled on your side to look at me. And there I was, ignoring you, I was aware that your eyes were no longer sealed tight, they were awake and taking in every ounce of the part of me you could see. I just ignored you, simply because I didn’t want to get sucked in.
“It’s just strange, thinking you know? Usually the mind takes in what it sees. You weren’t thinking about those strange shapes and colors that were coming through your eyelids? Did you notice them?”
“I don’t pay too much attention to them, when I’m busy thinking of the clouds.” I then closed my eyes, only not tight, gently, gently I closed my eyes, sighed, and let every tense muscle in my body relax.
“I doubt you’re thinking about the strange colors that are shining through your eyes right now.”
“How you do know? You have no idea what I’m thinking about, so how can you doubt me like that?” I obviously didn’t like the words that kept tumbling out of my mouth. Word vomit is what it was, I didn’t mean to be so weird with you, I knew what you meant. I didn’t mean to take every little thing so seriously. I noticed this and I turned on my side in the same position you were in. I faced you and looked in your eyes.
I was now sucked in.
“Look, I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be so strange right now, I guess I’m just tired. I love you.”
Those were lies. “I’m sorry.” That was the truth.
“I love you too baby, don’t worry about it.” And you cradled me. And usually I love this feeling of security, of comfort, of love. But I very much so wanted to push you off and tell you to leave, that I wanted to be alone. But no instead, since I was sucked in now I let you hold me. I let you pretend to understand. But I knew.
I really knew.
You had no idea.
Then the sun decided it was done for the day, and didn’t even attempt to fight off the gray clouds that were so graciously smothering it. Then it sprinkled. Then it poured. You jumped up like you were wearing an Armani suit and it was fixing to shrink. I, on the other hand, lied there, hoping you’d somehow forget me and run off to the car. You didn’t forget.
“Fuck! They never said it was going to rain. I mean it’s fucking summer, why the fuck is it raining all the time?” Frankly, I have no idea why you were so pissed about the rain. Then I felt sorry for the rain and wished that you were wearing an Armani suit and that it was shrinking. But you weren’t and now I too was pissing you off, for I wasn’t helping you gather up our basket, and the other blankets, I just continued to lay there like the sun was still out. “Are you going to get up?”
“Do I need to?” My eyes were shut by the way and I was back on my back.
“Not like it’s pouring the rain or anything, come on Joe we gotta go!” I was looking forward to my adulthood so I could get away from having to deal with other people’s lives. What I mean is, I know all through your [own] life you’ll have to deal with [other] people’s lives too. I know that. But what I mean is things like this. I mean yes it’s fucking pouring, but what is so bad? We have so many blankets at home, we have a washer so we can wash them, the rain isn’t cold, we won’t get sick, plus we’re just in t-shirts and shorts, nothing fancy or special like we usually are in. So why is it such a big deal? Why if I’m enjoying myself do I have to go? But I’m dating you. And have been for at least 3 years now. Also, I’m too lazy to try and convince you to lay here with me and just enjoy the moment. You’re not too fond of those things, and I know it. So I just get up like some child being bossed around by its parent, help gather up the 2 blankets you just couldn’t get, and got in the car.

I was dealing with all this, thinking one day I’d marry you.
But.
Little did I know, I never would.

We were going to get into a big fight in a few days.
And we both, had no idea.