My Entry - Dear Scabby

Dear Scabby,
Help me! My homework-doing guitar is broken, and I have a 96,000 word report on the word "it" due tomorrow! What should I do?! Usually, all I have to do is jam on my guitar for a few minutes, and I'd be done! How the hell am I supposed to write 96,000 words on the word "it"?! I don't know why my teacher gave me the report anyways. Geez, all I did was superglue a few hundred quarters to her car. You'd think that I killed somebody. Please help me, since I can't rip out a sick solo and be done now!

A mischeivious student in need of help,
Jared