Getting Clean

Born to addict,
That’s how my life started
Prison, rehab, home,
Characterized by the state, systematic.
To every other little girl
Her mother is the most beautiful one in the world
But to this little girl, me
My mother darkened my world.
Why didn’t she want me?
What made her give me away?
I asked myself this a million times.
Why did she always have to leave?
Why could I never stay?
Imagine growing up, never knowing these answers
I guess it’s made me stronger
And able to persevere longer
Able to give up giving in
And smart enough to listen to that voice within
Her mistakes have made me who I am
That’s the mystery of His will and the beauty of His plan.
Now that addiction has taken over
Is when I regret that we never got any closer
There’s the side of me that wants to forget everything I’ve felt
And then the side of me that is crying out for your help
So, please don’t leave me alone
I’ve got no one in this world to call me their own
Is it love or hate that binds me to your fate?
You know I’m still stuck in that empty state,
-living with decisions, I was too young to make.
I know you’ve been through it all,
And for some reason, still hold your head up tall.
You should know I’ve been through hell on earth
Gotten bruises and scars, really been hurt
But going through it all made me realize exactly what I’m worth.
A lot more than people have made me feel
I experienced pain I never thought would heal
But now I know-GOD IS REAL.
Tell me what happened to your strength?
What happened to your drive?
Everything you valued got pushed to the side.
So now I’m living for the day, you find out you were wrong
I’m living for the day, when the influence is completely gone.
Think for a moment about the choice you made
Was it for the soul you created or the habit you couldn’t break?
You can’t fool someone who is really ripped and torn
You can’t convince me anymore
And you can’t control me like before
And you’re the reason for it all
The reason I can never hold my head up tall
The reason I feel I gave into it all
Thanks for being that person who will never be there to catch me when I fall.
So every time you see me succeed
Every time you see me try
Look at me and see the one person you just passed on by.
Forgiveness has always been what you seek
You claim to have faith in the one above
But then you should know that you’re already forgiven,
Not only by grace, but in love.
You did what you had to do
You always looked after you
Despite the highs, despite smoke and pills
Please know that I love you still
In order to reach the end, you’re going to have to believe
That’s it’s gonna take a lot more than just getting clean.