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Review of 11:34  
Review by PurpleTiger
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
The overall idea of the story is interesting, but the flow between scenes needs a bit of work. You start out nicely with the descriptive prose, but then in your haste to conclude the story, the writing begins to take on a storyline of a b-horror movie with quick cuts, rapid scene changes, and undeveloped inclusion of new character(s). Does this elicit an image or feeling of panic? Yes, but it also serves to lose and confuse the reader as to what might actually be happening. A bit of expanding of the characters, both Charles, his desire to be with his wife, the stress of driving all night, and "the thing/Belial" would help. Then move into a bit more struggle, where did Belial come from, is "he" real, provide some disbelief in Charles' mind before forcing Charles to kill himself.
You give an allusion to a verse from the Bible, 11:34. Could this perhaps be the introduction of Belial? Instead of there not being a Bible in the drawer, how about the barbers blade being used as a bookmark at that verse with some dried blood on the blade. Set the scene, develop the characters a bit more, and you can have a great short story. (perhaps this is only a nightmare opening to a tired traveler)
PS: lose the swearing. It only shows a lack of creativity in the characters thought process.
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