This is such a good story that it's difficult to produce a meaningful review. The flow is smooth with subtle hints of foreshadowing that some people will hardly notice, if at all, unless they are actively looking for it. Your work is also a good example of how less is more if someone is planning on making a short story series and/or writing in past tense. Very uniform. The only thing that I regret to say is missing from it is more story. You've aroused my curiosity about the characters, where the story came from and will go to. Anyway, I hope this review is helpful and I look forward to reading more of your works (by the way, the cat rocks).
I hope everything is going well. This has great potential and you do a good job conveying the worry and disorientation that your situation produces. I commend you for your courage. As for your writing, there were only a couple of problems that I noticed but they occur more than once. I would recommend that you consider using more commas. It's a common problem that people have when they aren't use to using them, but they help to establish a smoother flow for whatever any of us happen to be writing. Even I have that problem whenever I take a break from literary involvement. Also, keep an eye out for word repetition. Common words have a higher repetition tolerance when compared to uncommon and/or heavy-meaning words. They can become awkward when repeated too much, or at all, in the same paragraph or piece of literature. This is when synonyms are both perfect and begging to be used and can further the meaning of what one is writing. Did you notice the second "and" just now? I could have used "while furthering" instead of "and can further" to give that sentence a better flow. I'm looking forward to reading more of your work and I wish the best for the both of you.
Thank you for the information on linking Writing.com to my web sites and also for providing a sample email. I know that it is common sense to be polite and not to press the issue too aggressively, but some people may need the reminder about proper interactions for the purpose of advertizing. Other people, like myself, have never really considered promoting a website or web community and are simply ignorant towards the process (that being said, I bookmarked this page as well as the link page). You gave me something to consider doing and I'll keep my eyes open.
Good story. I can't help but wonder it you plan on expanding it in the future. Does she stay and try to live her life the best she can? Is she pregnant with his child? Does she run away to pursue him shortly after his leaving? Or some combination of these possibilities? I also like the detail to the environment that that you provide. It is quite deep, yet simple, leaving plenty of room for the readers imagination to quickly build upon. Your use of comma's, however, seems odd to me. There are places in your writing that give a slight run-on feel to it, where some comma's can help identify detail clauses and provide a much smoother flow to the overall story. This is, however, something that is dependent on both the reader and the author, because the rules for comma usage leave a lot open for interpretation and it is ultimately the up to the author to decide how to interpret comma usage. That being said, this story is a good read regardless and I hope you keep up the good writing.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/unknowable317
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.19 seconds at 10:19pm on Jun 22, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
