Well, this certainly has a lot of anger behind it. One thing though is that I don't think this is a poem. It doesn't fit the definition by rhyme or free verse but is more like a prose. A prose is a story composed of small lines which tells a story. A poem is more of a flow of words or concepts together to create an image in the mind of the reader. Keep in mind, it is only my opinion and I am not 100% sure, it just doesn't seem poetic as much as a prose.
Off hand I really like this poem. It has a very good flow that only seems to falter in one spot due to one line having a lot more syllables then the others. You use a basic rhyme scheme throughout most with a few forced rhymes but they don't seem to take away from the concept of what you are writing about here. All in all, well done and keep writing.
This poem to me sounds very much like it comes from a young lady who has had a lot of sexual abuse in their lives. If this is the case, you certainly have my sympathy. Your poem here talks about a young child being born into a world where hey are used all the time and where they are looked at as nothing more then meat. The concept of the poem comes across and does evoke some emotion which is always a good thing in poetry. This is a free verse poem which is not my forte so please understand that my suggestions and recommendations come from a rhyming poet and therefore please take them with a grain of salt as everyone is different.
First thing I notice is the lack of flow in this poem. Free verse or rhyming, part of what makes a poem is the ability for the reader to be able to read smoothly through the poem with a basic cadence that gives the reader a feeling of a solid rhythm. While I know free verse uses different guidelines, you may want to try syllable matching from line to line or a syllable scheme (like maybe 8 - 10 - 12 - 12 - 10 - 8 or something like that). I believe that doing that may improve the flow of this poem.
Again, your poem here speaks of a lot of hurt and pain throughout your life and I only hope it is a work of fiction although your description leans me to believe otherwise. Keep writing.
Nice poem on a topic that many can relate to. I like the rhyme scheme although it does seem to get a little tricky at spots with the ABCB Scheme. Also, the last stanza seems to break from the rhyme scheme of the rest of the poem. All in all, this poem takes me back mentally and emotionally to times in my past where I have felt this way and that to me makes a poem a good poem. One recommendation that may help the flow a little better is to watch your syllable count. The more the syllable count matches the rhyme scheme, the smoother the poem will flow. Just my opinion on it. Well done and keep writing.
Very well written on a subject that many of us can relate to. The pain of finding someone you truly love only to have them change their mind about loving you. I wish the best for you in your future and I truly hope that you find someone that makes you happy. Sometimes it can be hard to convince ourselves that the light at the end of the tunnel isn't a train. Well, the rhyme scheme worked well although there were a couple of forced rhymes in there and the flow was right on track. Well done and keep writing.
All in all, I like this poem. It begins with a good flow and rhyme scheme and the short potent lines do well to bring across the emotion that is intended. My only real recommendation here would be to keep the rhyme scheme throughout the poetry to give it a fuller effect with stronger flow. The flow and rhyming seem to degrade as the poem continues on and then it somewhat comes back at the end but this seems like a poem that would be elevated by the rhyming to give the reader the flow from one stage of emotion into the next. Keep in mind that this is just my opinion. I really like this in the all in all, well done and keep writing.
I get in this poem the idea that the subject is depressed but am a little lost on if it is due to just depression or depression caused by something else. When you talk about the "No one can tell for my scars are almost gone," are you referring to physical scars or like emotional scars from a lost love or something? While I get a feeling of depression from the poem, I am left wondering if it is due to something physically that happened, or if it is just due to the emotion. All in all, it seems to be a good start for a fuller longer poem with more description. I would love to see the "rest of the story" on this poem to see more of where the subject is coming from.
All in all a very nicely done poem. Your descriptions here are wonderful and the flow and rhyme of the poem is also wonderful. Very well done here. The only recommendation I can think of is to break the poem up into stanza's to help simplify reading, but even that may not be best as the way it is all pushed together seems to give more credence to the feelings that are being portrayed. I tend to feel that a poem has done it's job if it evokes an emotional response in the reader. Well, your poem has done just that. Very well written and a great job on this wonderful poem. Take care and keep writing.
A nice little poem. Very short. This poem seems to make the attempt to describe the emotion of utter despair and giving up in the realization that there is nothing more that can be done. This is illustrated finally and well in the last line of "all is lost". I would have enjoyed a little more information on why the subject is feeling the way they are. Is this due to a mental illness or is it due to something that has happened in life? The poem flows quite nicely. Overall is a nice little poem, just in my opinion it could have had more description and I tend to like rhyme, but that is me.
I like your poem here. I myself write dark poetry and have been to this point in my life many times. The description of the subject's desire to die is well done and comes across nicely in the poem. In my opinion, I would have liked to see more of why the subject feels this way. I feel that a poems goal is to make the reader feel an emotional response to it. Your poem does bring about some emotional response and in that it does well I feel with a little more description on why the subject wants to die (more description of the depression itself) it would go over the top. Overall, a nice poem that is well written and brings about an emotional response to in the reader. Well done and keep writing.
Very nice, the scattered method seems to show the rush and pace of life. I hope I have a few years left in me, I would be happy to make grandpa at this point. Nicely done.
Having lost a sibling myself when I was younger, I can certainly relate to these feelings. The feelings of blame and of wondering why...and why not. You have touched on these feelings very well and that alone should be applauded. But this is well written and strikes up emotions which show a strength to the words. Very well done.
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