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7 Public Reviews Given
13 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by raptureme200
Rated: E | (1.0)
A huge collection of chapters... But the amount of actual content, in terms of writing, seems to be minimal at best. Almost all of the chapters I sampled, following several different paths, seemed to be short copies or rewrites of the chapter options. This story could use less chapters, with more attention given to the chapters that are written so that they contain more content. For instance, at random, I'm looking at a chapter consisting entirely of, "how did Mal put Audrey to sleep?", with the choice "sang her a lullaby", immediately followed by a chapter consisting entirely of "Mal found her singing voice was surprisingly good. Later, Audrey woke up... "

Instead of painting such general, broad strokes as this, details would help transform the interactive from a general set of conceptual events into a real story. The song that Mal sings could be named or implied; her movements could be described; the way Audrey gradually becomes sleepy and falls into slumber; possibly even a dream Audrey has relating to the song -- all of this could be described, in one chapter, without requiring even a single extra unnecessary choice, all while retaining the reader's sense of control over the events. This would also make the story feel vibrant and realistic, instead of the detached and artificial feeling it currently has.
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Review by raptureme200
Rated: 13+ | (1.5)
There are a whole lot of chapters, but most of the options don't really lead anywhere. The policy of awarding 50 points for "option chapters" might not be too great, but also, more guidelines for quality and chapter content would absolutely help cut down on the number of small, low-quality chapters that are often partly or entirely redundant and which deviate significantly from the plot thread up to that point.
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