Cute story. I would correct some of your grammar, but it fits your character's cadence. I like this story a lot. The way it is told makes it all the more entertaining. It may not fit everyone's tastes, but as I have said, I like it....
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One slight misplace that I see.... Your E line first word is not the start of the line. I would suggest moving it to Everyone and just delete "as we enter the final stages of the month". Just the opinion of a fellow poet (even though I don't write much of it anymore)
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An honest look at love from someone who was never taught how to.
Leaves me wondering if the author ever found that selflove that comes before any other kind. To be loved and accepted one must believe they are worthy of it. That is a personal step that no one can take for you.
I hope that you find contentment with yourself at the very least.
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I remember stuff like that for different holidays. Me and my friends used to run through the neighborhood with scissors asking at each house with flowers if we could cut some to give to our Mothers for their day. At the end of the block was a huge lilac bush that we knew we didn't have to ask for, so our Mothers got mostly lilacs. We would go down and take bunches when we were in trouble to say that we were sorry.....
I find myself wondering about things, like if Johnny has a job and is his drinking affecting that as well. I see a hard boiled detective or a private eye. I also wonder how old Colby is and a few things about Susan.
You caught my interest but this needs to be more than a short story....
This was......interesting, to say the least. I don't think I'll ever hear of white albino naked lab mice the same again, nor will I stop wondering about the attraction of rubbing them on one's head.
I would cut down the description to "My revenge won't bring me answers. Just questions." The "four years have passed" just sets the reader up for a long flashback and a lot of readers do not like them.
I would enlarge the font size and break down some of the larger paragraphs.
Break up the sentences. They are much too long.
I like the idea. There's a story to be told here. There's just a lot of telling rather than showing.
I don't know that "squeak" is the right word or sound. Crunch, maybe. I just can't see (or hear) snow squeaking....unless maybe it was slushy.
I get the feeling Tim is a ghost when he "drifted forward". When you describe Luke as "ravaged by age and infirmity" I start to think that Tim is there to guide Luke to be with him on the other side.... It makes me feel his ache all the more when he has to leave.....
You? stay out of trouble? are you kidding? I come hunt you down wheN i want to start some!!!!
I always thought 6 ft trees were too big anyhow. Better to go with a smaller tree, just not a tabletop tree on TV tray like my brother has. Maybe a 3ft tree?
We are getting the warnings of a harsh winter as well. I still need a good pair of boots before the snow hits. Terry and David always stock up on stuff so I don't have to worry about the pantry.
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