This is a really good article. There are things suggested here that would have taken me a month of sundays to think of!
As a newbie, I want real opinions. It took me ages to decide to let strangers view ANY writing I had done, so when I understand what my writing says to others and a bit more confident I will definitely be using all the tips in this piece
Descriptive, imaginative.
One criticism: check spelling as good piece of writing is often spoiled by a silly error.
I went away from this piece for a while and came back to see if it still had the same atmosphere for me and it did.
Congratulations on an eerie piece - and a question stays in my mind -did he/she murder him/her?
Best wishes
Sha Roslyn
Hi,
I like your idea - you have a good descriptive vocabulary. As prose I would find it interesting to read. I did however feel that one verse beat all the rest and that was the rhyming verse 2. I am not personally comfortable with a mix of rhyme and prose.
I will be reading your other work because I feel you have something interesting to say.
Keep writing
I liked the way you wrote about how the girl was feeling and what she was saying whilst Dan was worrying and looking for her. The tension was enough to keep me reading and I really expected a nasty end.
I like that you didnt make it sugary. The story kept its integrity as a tale of two 'normal' human beings thank goodness.
Well written.
If I could change anything I would have perhaps qualified why he could believe her this time? Thats only my opinion
Best of luck
Sha Roslyn
I know that feeling! Like catching the dream before your eyes open....and the feeling haunts you all day but never really allows you that glimpse again. I love your lively style. I was soaked and rushing and dying to get in that car! Of course, I wanted to shout in your ear thatyou'd forgotten to write everything down, but I was busy trying to get home to meet the kids from school... :)
This really brought a smile to my face. Here I was, venturing into some mystical kingdom, ready to be horrified by some unearthly creatures, when all along.....ha! I liked the colour and the texture of this writing. It made me read on. It is nice to read something so potentially chilling and to find myself grinning from ear to ear at the end. Thank you.
This really made me smile, reminding me of the soundtracks we all have in the background as we move through our lives. I really liked this very much :o)
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