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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/maybeehannah
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4 Public Reviews Given
4 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
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Review by maybeeHannah
Rated: E | (5.0)
I really liked your story, Tim! I enjoyed it greatly. It gives a whole new twist on an old, kind of boring nursery rhyme. There are a few things that I noticed that you might want to think about changing (only if you want, of course). When Humpty Dumpty (or Dumpty Dude, whatever you want to call him) fell off of the ten-foot wall, he wasn't hurt at all. Is that just because he's a super-hero or what? The same thing when the Egg Beater knocks down the building on top of him. I'm not sure how an egg could be knocked unconsious without even cracking a small bit. It's just a thought. Besides those two spots, I think there's nothing else that needs work. Keep up the good work!

-Hannah *Bigsmile*
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Review by maybeeHannah
Rated: E | (4.5)
Good job, Stephen! I liked how you started with a common fairy-tale, changed the characters, and ended up with a whole new story. Some of my favorite parts in the story is where instead of Rose saying "Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin" she said "Not by the fat of my tummy-tum-tum!" and when Frances says that the soup is almost done and it just needed some meat. The recipe was great! I think the only thing that I would change is capitalizing the title (the one on the top of the page). Besides that, your story is great. Keep writing!
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Review of The Journey Home  
Review by maybeeHannah
Rated: E | (4.0)
Your story was pretty good; I especially liked the dialoge, but there were a few things I noticed. One, I noticed that you didn't give a content rating. I don't know if you just forgot when you were posting it, or you did it on purpose. Also, there was one confusing spot. In one line, Jerome said that Pioneer, OH. was about five miles away. Then, a little bit later, you said that you were IN Pioneer. That was confusing to me. Besides that, it was pretty good. Keep writing!
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