Hi, I read your poem and wanted comment on your work
General Impressions
This poem is amazing, I seriously almost cried reading it and that never ever happens to me. Favorite Parts
"We walk through funerals, torture, and fear,
She grips my hand tighter as we view each year,
“Goodbye”, she says, with a hug so tight,
“Now I know, we will be all right.”"
I love that stanza! Content
The content of this poem at first glance is fairly common about writing about ones past, but wow did you blow all of my expectations away. I never thought that this piece would be filled with such sadness and redemption all in the same short piece. This is a great read. Flow
The flow of the poem is perfect. Spelling
I did not see any spelling mistakes. Suggestions
I have no suggestions for you I really loved this poem.
Hi, I read your poem and wanted comment on your work
General Impressions
Wow! This poem is amazing. Favorite Parts
I don't think that I can really pick out any specific part, as a whole this poem is just a great piece of poetry. Content
The content is not something that I see that often and I really loved the way you wrote this. Flow
The flow of the poem is smooth and has presence. Spelling
I did not see any spelling errors. Suggestions
I have no suggestions for this poem I think that it is an absolutely perfect write!
Hi, I read your poem and wanted comment on your work
General Impressions
The piece is dark and I really liked it. Favorite Parts
I like the repetition of the line that you used I think it really adds to the piece. Content
The content of the poem is good, I see how the puppet is a metaphor for a person being controlled, its a fairly common reference but I think since the entire poem was written from the point of view of the puppet that it avoids cliche. Flow
The flow of the poem was a little off in some places but it didn't totally take away from the poem. I think your awkwardness may have added to the emotion of this poem. Spelling
There were no spelling errors that I saw. Suggestions
The line:
"It Danced! It sang! Now collects dust in the attic, "
I would maybe reword it into:
"It Danced! It Sang! It now collects dust in the attic,"
Thats just my opinion though, so if you love it the way you wrote it then by all means disregard my suggestion. I really did enjoy this write its not often that I get to review a darker piece on the review request page other than in the month of October.
Hi, I read your poem and wanted comment on your work
General Impressions
This poem is full of strong emotion and biting words, I really enjoyed this read. Favorite Parts
I love how you just say what you feel but yet you keep it poetic. That makes this piece balance well. Content
Wow the content of this poem is so emotional and in you face and seems to be full of anger but the person also seems strong willed, its really great. Flow
The flow of the poem is smooth for the most part. Spelling
I did not see any mistakes. Suggestions
I think that in the poem "you" and "I" are used quite often and that if you cut down on them that the reader still understands who you are speaking of with out having to say "you" and "I" so much.
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Hi, I read your poem and wanted comment on your work
General Impressions
While this is a short and simple poem, I think that it says alot and speaks to many. Favorite Parts
I really like your rhyme scheme it seems a bit like a child's poem but I think that all ages can relate. Content
The content of the poem is really short and sweet but it made me think of when I was a kid looking up to the sky and imagining all kinds of different things. Flow
The rhythm of this poem flows very well and I really enjoyed it. Spelling
I did not see any spelling errors. Suggestions
In your first line you use "and" often, I would take out one of them and use a comma.
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Hi, I read your poem and wanted comment on your work
General Impressions
I love the imagery in this poem and it kept me reading. Favorite Parts
I like your first stanza the most, it draws the reader in. Content
The content of the poem is nice, it is a pretty common theme though. Flow
The flow of the poem was a little off because of the excessive punctuation, I am sure that you will get many different views on punctuation. My view is that while punctuation is some places absolutely necessary for flow can become too much when the entire work is punctuated the same. There were alot of commas which made some lines seem to go on forever. If you would have just used a period instead the flow would have been smoother. An example is in your third stanza there are three comma for the first three lines which makes the thought seem very long. By putting a period after the first line I think that it would have enhanced that stanza. Spelling
I did not see any spelling errors. Suggestions
My only suggestions were above in the flow area of the review, other than that I really think this can be a great piece. If you make any changes please let me know and I will rate you again.
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Hi, I read your poem and wanted comment on your work
General Impressions
This poem has a nice rhyme scheme. Favorite Parts
"Hind site is the killer's delight, on this you will wane"
I love that line, it is well worded.
Content
I liked the content of this piece, it is short but says alot. Flow
This poem has nice rhythm. Spelling
I did not see any spelling errors. Suggestions
I know that this was written from a prompt but if you ever wanted to add more to it I think that it would be even better if it were longer.
Hi, I read your poem and wanted comment on your work
General Impressions
This poem is passionate and full of beautiful imagery. Favorite Parts
"Red hair leaning foward,
like an Irish goddess
Lips to match
Her eyes on my hands"
Wow I love those lines so beautiful. You misspelled "forward" though. Content
The content of the poem is tender but passionate as well and the balance of the two is what I enjoyed the most. Flow
The flow of the poem was smooth. Spelling
I addressed the error I saw above. Suggestions
I don't really have any suggestions here, other than to fix the spelling mistake. It was a good read and I enjoyed it.
Hi, I read your poem and wanted comment on your work
*** Thank you for the great read I enjoyed it!***
General Impressions
The idea of this piece drew me in, I can relate to being homesick. Favorite Parts
The first stanza is my favorite, I think that it is the strongest of the poem. Content
The content of the poem is really good, I really enjoyed your imagery. Flow
The flow of the poem is what threw me, for such eloquent wording the flow was choppy in places. Spelling
I did not see any errors in spelling. Suggestions
For the flow of the poem I think it is broken because of the punctuation. In the first stanza when you use a comma at the end of the second line also it makes the first stanza seem like one really long sentence. I think that I would put a period there and not capitalize the first letter of the second line.
2nd part
"Valencia may hold vines and glades of
Mind, grape widowed spines. Red and white partitions,
Hemispheres the sun divides."
I would add the comma to the end of the first line and omit the word "mind" the part that come right after mind is really strong and I think stands great as the beginning of the line.
Hi, I read your poem and wanted comment on your work
General Impressions
My first impression of the poem was that it was well thought out. Favorite Parts
I really liked your first stanza the most, I think that the imagery you use draws in the reader. Content
The content of the poem is good, it wasn't too much. Flow
I though the flow of the poem was pretty smooth until the end. Spelling
I did not see any spelling errors. Suggestions
I have one suggestion for you, at the end of your poem where you write:
"As one stands to leave, from the other the question is posed"
It would enhance the flow of the poem if you separated it into two lines.
"As one stands to leave,
from the other the question is posed."
I think that as one long line it disrupts the flow of the poem.
Hi, I read your poem and wanted comment on your work
General Impressions
This poem is well written and I love that you will let me interpret as I wish. Favorite Parts
"Set ablaze
By the crisp sun."
That line is so beautiful, i love the orange blaze of the sun so it made good imagery for me. Content
Ok so you said to take it as I wish. Well, to me this poem is about reincarnation. Leaving behind your past and mistakes and being reborn into purity. Now that might not be what you meant at all, thats just my take on it. Flow
The flow of the poem has nice rhythm. Spelling
Your spelling seemed perfect. Suggestions
I don't usually suggest this but since this is a strong stand alone sort of piece I think that if you remove the punctuation that it would enhance the flow.
Hi, I read your poem and wanted comment on your work
General Impressions
This poem seems very real and honest, I liked that about it. Favorite Parts
My favorite parts are where you speak of memory loss and blackouts. Content
The content of the poem is good and it has the potential to relate to many that read it. Flow
The flow of the poem is fairly smooth. Spelling
I saw no errors in spelling. Suggestions
I don't really have any suggestions, it was a good read.
Hi, I read your poem and wanted comment on your work
General Impressions
I related to the content of the poem its sadly very true for alot of us. Favorite Parts
The ending was my favorite, I like how you wrote it. Content
The content is easy to relate to . Flow
The flow of the poem is pretty smooth. Spelling
I did not see any errors in spelling. Suggestions
My only suggestion is maybe to add a little vivid imagery to the poem. Really make your readers see and feel what they are reading.
Hi, I read your poem and wanted comment on your work
General Impressions
I think that this is a very well written children's poem, my 3 year old love it. Favorite Parts
My daughters favorite part was about the caboose that part made her giggle. Content
The content is very cute. Flow
The flow is simple and bouncy which children seem to love. Spelling
I did not see any spelling errors. Suggestions
I don't have any suggestions for you except maybe add a cute illustration to it.
Hi, I read your lyrics and wanted comment on your work
General Impressions
I liked the lyrics, its hard ti say exactly how you intended it though to me it was a rock song. Favorite Parts
"You were on your way
Until she tore you down
Now you'll forever pay
For love that let you down"
I like that part alot, it really stands out from the rest.
Content
The content is good, I enjoyed it. Flow
The flow of the lyrics seemed to be smooth although its hard to say because I am not really sure what you intentions as far as style are. Spelling
Your spelling is fine. Suggestions
"Or a gentle razor kiss?"
I didn't like that line, it seemed a little cliched to me, I would maybe look at using some synonyms so that you don't change your thought just the wording.
Hi, I read your poem and wanted comment on your work
General Impressions
It is very patriotic and strong. Favorite Parts
The first two lines really stand out. Content
The content was good. Flow
The flow was smooth until the end where it seemed to break up a little. Spelling
"angic" was that supposed to read angelic? Suggestions
"Wolves that dress and act angic
Are only a mere satan relic
God gave us this beautiful land"
That last line while a good line doesn't seem to fit in, I felt like there was supposed to be something else. it left me hanging a little.
Hi, I read your poem and wanted comment on your work
General Impressions
I loved it, your rhyme scheme is so fun and light. Favorite Parts
I like it all nothing seems forced. Content
The content while it is pretty light, was a nice change. I write and read many darker poems and to read something on the lighter side was great. Flow
The flow was perfect. Spelling
I did not see any spelling errors. Suggestions
I don't have any suggestions for you I liked it just the way that you wrote it.
Hi, I read your poem and wanted comment on your work
General Impressions
I thought at first that the poem was a little short but I think that it still is a strong piece. Favorite Parts
"And swallow these words
Even if I choke on them"
I love how you write that, those are m favorite lines.
Content
The content is great its like a struggle to hold something in and reminds me of times I had to keep things in for the sake of others feelings. Flow
The flow was smooth and I did not find any hang ups while reading. Spelling
Your spelling looks fine to me. Suggestions
Length, I loved what you had written and it left me wanting more.
Hi, I read your poem and wanted comment on your work
General Impressions
This is a pretty haunting piece of poetry. Favorite Parts
" I shall dread the dawn"
that line just reads beautifully. Content
The content is good and I like emotion in the poem. Flow
The flow was mostly smooth. Spelling
I did not see any mistakes with spelling. Suggestions
My only suggestion would be to add some punctuation between thoughts to let your reads know how you intended this piece to be read, it will make the flow smoother.
I liked this poem it is very honest and emotional and I think that alot of people can relate to the feelings that you write about. I only saw one thing that I think is a typo:
"staring into the ones called my won,"
Where you have the word "won" is that supposed to read own?
Other than that this is a good read and I enjoyed it.
You are a real angel, this poem touched me and I really enjoyed the read although it makes me sad. You see my Uncle is dying of pancreatic cancer and he doesn't have much time left with us. I just wanted to tell you that being able to relate to your emotion gave me some peace. Especially your last two lines, they are so sad but so beautiful and inspirational as well.
I like how you took parts of old nursery rhymes that we all know and changed them into a contemporary poem. It was very fun to read I really enjoyed. Sometimes silliness is just what we need. The only part of the poem that didn't flow well for me was:
"Only sheep will come home
Leaving all summer's beauty behind them"
It seemed to stand out from the rest of the poem and disrupted the flow a little.
All in all I say this is a good write that is fun to read.
The flow and wording of this piece are rally smooth and beautiful. I enjoyed reading this, the imagery that you created was excellent. The only line that stuck out for me as far as an interrruption in the flow was: "Sated, soon it passes and I'll seek others, this I know." For some reason it caused a halt in the progression of the piece.
This is truly beautiful! I too have overcome many of these things that you wrote about and this poem really spoke to me. I also think that above all the great emtion that this piece has that even if it wasnt written from personal experiance that the flow is perfect as well and it was all in all a great read.
I like your use of metaphor in this poem, it is short but gets your point across nicely. The only thing that I can say that would be a criticisim is that the flow was a little choppy. I always make sure I read a piece more than one time to get the flow of the poem and everytime this one line: "Yet so many assume I help them find their places" stuck for some reason.
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