This captivating piece masterfully builds suspense with vivid descriptions, such as the "tiny, dark hallway" and "the smell of old dust and paper." Kai's determination is palpable, especially as he discovers the hidden archives. The twist of finding physical documents in a digital age adds depth, while the shocking reveal of Jet's adoption records brings a troubling conclusion. Overall, the story is an engaging blend of mystery and emotional intensity.
Yeah not much to say here. SUCH imagery within this piece. I am one of the people at that party! So funny how it starts with "hmm don't really want to go out" and ends with "you've been served". I love that contrast from this short story. Not easy to accomplish but well done here.
Ahhhhh super well written. I know the prompt is for a real person which oftentimes causes less connection for a reader (in my very not esteemed opinion) However, when reading this I feel like I also owe Michael something. It's emotional, thoughtful, and easy to visualize.
Dang. I don't usually enjoy reading poems on this platform. This was an exception. So much was conveyed in just eighteen words. All I'm saying is that if this was for a contest it should for sure win. Very impressive so please continue writing poems such as this!!!!
This poem paints a picture of longing and love across distances. There is beautiful contrast in freedom and kindness with the struggles of loneliness and hatred. The heartfelt message of enduring love and support shines through, providing comfort to "my stranger boy." The imagery makes this a very touching poem. Incredible writing, continue on!
Very wholesome. This read made me feel like I too was enjoying a beautiful new spring. I have no negative comments or constructive criticism. All I have to say is with a few more lines this could be turned into a children's book. There are tons of AI art generators that could create the scenes if you don't want to pay for an illustrator. Keep writing!
Yeah, I think the award was definitely well deserved. I hate writing poems as I get confused and the rhymes never make sense. However, this was a beautiful read. Everything flowed well and it felt introspectively beautiful. Extremely talented and If someone hasn't already told you this, keep writing!
Ahahaha made me smile. Interesting perspective on how you break a virus to a little kid. I remember so many parents being concerned for their littles who could not understand why they had to wear something they didn't like. Truthfully my review has little bearing because overall this was a short sweet and enjoyable read. My only suggestion would be to connect it to the supervillain of germs or something like that. However, the connections made were already good.
Really unique poem. At first I thought there appeared to be a slight disconnect within. But, when looking at the title I realized that the poem does capture the sense you get in dreams. Very unique and intriguing while also not all of it making sense. Great Poem!
Very enjoyable read. I like the fairytale vibe it has going on. One of the things that comes with fairytales is an omniscient perspective which was well achieved here. Only thing I would really comment on is more connection to Elara. Yes this is a fairytale and as such we're just supposed to be outsiders viewing on. But, I feel if a few more lines to describe her were added it would help to connect more.
OVERALL. I really like this story, the characters appear authentic and well rounded considering the length. This review is just what I noticed as a reader🙃
At the beginning where he’s thinking to himself, “declared” seems like an aggressive word. Maybe change it to a sentence and replace declared with muttered. At “native Chicago” add “home of” in between.
There’s a quick transition between the first and second paragraph in which he’s sitting in a wagon and then a guy spots him as a mark? Reading on I know they stopped for lunch but some description as to whether they were in a small caravan or he spotted the mark within the wagon would be helpful.
"I kept that from you because you are too protective of me, and you would confront her about this. You can't. Promise me you won't. She will either not remember or get mad at me for telling you. You know I can't take it when she is mad at me. You know what it does to me."
"Yeah, I know. It causes you to have panic and anxiety attacks. You're having one now because of your mom and last night. It is wrong. Simply wrong, and you know why."
This feels like an attempt to tell the audience that she has anxiety attacks without putting more effort into her character. I know that it is all dialogue but I feel like this could have been avoided with a few lines such as: "Breathe... just in and out. In... out..."
Repeated line "screamed at him"
"She never treated Mike like she did you? Never cornered him, screamed at him, screamed at him, hit him, or anything like she did to you?"
Incorrect capital
"And you will always be my Princess. I will always cherish and consider myself Blessed that you are in my life."
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