Overall:

 

 What a fantastic story! I was captivated from start to finish by the language and the sentence structure. The language was realistic and the speech doubly so. Wonderful work.

 

 Introduction:

 

 Fantastic introduction that caught the attention straight away. it is a situation most fear can envision and even those without children can envision.

 

 Plot

 

 Nicely worked. The story flowed nicely from start to finish.

 

 Structure:

 

 Excellent structure. Only a couple of really minor grammatical mistakes, but otherwise perfect!

 

 Characters:

 

 Realistic. I could actually see each of the charters. There was no description of their looks, but by their very speech I developed a picture.

 

 Emotions:

 

 Very emotive. Love, fear, confusion, regret, humour. All wrapped together in a neat package.

 

 Conclusion:

 

 Gripping and dramatic. This was the first complete package I have read so far.

 

 Ratings:

 

 Introduction            5/5

 Plot                          5/5

 Structure                 5/5

 Content                   5/5

 Characters             5/5

 Emotions                5/5

 Conclusion            5/5

 Overall                    5/5

 

 Simply wonderful. I will be looking through the rest of your work to see if it is as entertaining! Please keep it up!

Overall:

 

 Perceptive and powerful. Keep up teh great work.

 

 I have a feeling that the best is yet to come!

Overall:

 

 Firstly welcome to the site. I like you have only just joined and I am glad to read your work. This seems to be a poem in prose and well written. I can feel a sense of being trapped in an endless cycle, the boundaries of which cannot be measured.

 

 Overall                    4/5

 

 This was a different style and I liked it. Well done and Keep Writing!

Overall:

 

 A nice piece, which, though slightly dated, has enough valid information to make it as valid today as wit was in 2004. 

 

 Introduction:

 

 Sets the scene and puts us at reast. The gentle humour and self-deprecation at the beginning is a writing technique I like to use and puts you on teh same level as your readers.

 

 Structure:

 

 The structure was interesting. Since the topic is one of such huge complexity, you have done well to ask simple questions that get the reader thinking. When this was employed, thoguh I am savvy in this area myself, I still wanted to keep reading to the end because it was so inviting and easy to read.

 

 Content:

 

 The content is a little dated, which is not surprising based on the faact it was recordd in 2004. However, with minor tweaks, such as incorporating the concept of social media like Facebook, Linkedin, Twitter MySpace, YouTube etc and also amendments to the junkmail/spam section, this could be easily modified to fit today's needs. Remember, in teh last six years everything has changed so much and Smap-artists have become even more adept av avoiding the technology designed to stop them.

 

 Conclusion:

 

 Good ending. Punchy, common sensical and to the point. 

 

 Ratings:

 

 Introduction            4.5/5

 Structure                 4.5/5

 Content                   3.5/5

 Conclusion            4/5

 Overall                    4/5

 

 This was a very interesting piece, and I look forward to reading more. Well done and Keep Writing, the best is yet to come!

Overall:

 

 A nice piece which is a marked improvement from earlier work. There are a few minor structural issues, but aside from that a well rounded piece.

 

 Introduction:

 

 The introduction is slow, but the piece is not a quick-pace full-action work, and so it sets the mood well.

 

 Plot

 

 The plot is intriguing. I can see how this would fit in with the remainder of Marco's work. The only point I would make to the plot would be the availability to twist and turn the story. It is a little too direct. Perhaps with a little buffering and more speech it would leave me guessing as to what was happening next. Otherwise well written

 

 Structure:

 

 A few grammatical errors, but those can be ironed out the more it is worked on. It is also a little confusing who is speaking at times. It would be good to see breaks in paragraphs for speech. Additionally, timeframes do seem to fly by with careless abandon. However, when this is linked up in a full sized novel, I can see that the this could be padded out with cliff-hangers and links, almost in a all bad things come at once' scenario that the hero will have to overcome.

 

 Content:

 

 The content is good and strong. I can envision the situation. 

 

 Characters:

 

 The character is taking form. He has already developed from a slightly confusing blur to a confused and desperate man. In his speech you can taste the despair and a little cynicism

 

 Emotions:

 

 Strong emotions here. Humour, fear, despair, humiliation, resignation, confusion and a whole host more. However, I would say that it is difficult to tell what we are meant to feel for the character, pity or humour. The mixture is difficult, but I guess black humour sort of fits.

 

 Conclusion:

 

 Nice ending, if a little clichéd. However in light of the slightly humoristic tone, a cliché is harmless here.

 

 Ratings:

 

 Introduction            4/5

 Plot                          4/5

 Structure                 3/5

 Content                   4.5/5

 Characters             4/5

 Emotions                3/5

 Conclusion            4/5

 Overall                    4/5

 

 Good work Marco! I can see greater things coming from you in the very near future!

Overall:

 

 This is very captivating. With the flow of the story (sorry I couldn't help but use the pun!) your can almost feel the surge of the water, and the emotions of the trapped young man as he desperately tries to save his family. I would love to see this story expanded. Having read some of Marco's other work, I feel that this is where his greatest talent lies: retelling stories from a 1st person perspective. It is a talent that in time will really translate to exciting and emotional stories, characters and plots

 

 Introduction            5/5

 Plot                          4/5

 Structure                 4/5

 Content                   4/5

 Characters             4/5

 Emotions                4/5

 Conclusion            4/5

 Overall                    4/5

 

 This was a very interesting piece, and I look forward to reading more. Well done and Keep Writing!

Overall:

 

 Well done on writing your first chapter and I am sure there will be lots more to come. I will be honest and say that it is a little confusing throughout the piece, as to whether this is the actual story or a draft outlining what is to come.

 

 Introduction:

 

 The Introduction is a little long-winded and doesn't capture the audience straight away as there is too much in teh way of descritption about the family. The details of his children's ages could be built in more subtly later in the novel.

 

 Plot

 

 The plot seems sound enough and with some work could be built into a really gripping story.

 

 Structure:

 

 A few minor points about speech and who is speaking it, are the only real errors in structure. The story does seem to jump in timeframes with nothing happening, though I cannot tell if this is becuase you are trying to add momentum or you couldn't fill the gap.

 

 Content:

 

 The chapter is very short for a first chapter and nothing much happens but with work, this could be amended to really grip the audience. There are some very well written points, and all they need is a little more structure to tie them together.

 

 Characters:

 

 The character does need some beefing out, but this will come with the story.

 

 Emotions:

 

 The emotions were not clear in this. Though I suspect he is a little distraught and desparing, perhaps even a little confused as to his life.

 

 Conclusion:

 

 The conclusion was good, and left on a cliffhanger, though unfortunately it does not cover the gaps that are in the rest of the story.

 

 Ratings:

 

 Introduction            2/5

 Plot                          4/5

 Structure                 3/5

 Content                   2/5

 Characters             4/5

 Emotions                3/5

 Conclusion            4/5

 Overall                    3/5

 

 Well done and Keep Writing! If you have the passion, the best is yet to come. If you want help, let me know and if you want to review my work, please feel free to do so.