Honestly, I think this story perfect. It deserves a 5.0, but I in one paragraph, I thought perhaps a comma would be useful. Maybe here, before he built the house he would retire to, he built a one room cabin, it would make the sentence more understandable. I loved the story, I used to live in Lampasas, TX. and it reminded me of that. Keep up the good work!
Jazzy
This is very good, and the emotions can be felt. It makes one feel the loss. I really can't find anything wrong with this piece. It feels as if you are the person, in which this really happen to. Brought tears to my eyes. Really Great! Continue on!
Keep writing!
Jazzy
I thought your story was really good. You might want to work on one of the sentences. For instance, Is is should be It is.( I think ) Other than that I think the story flows well and I love the excitement! You did a Great job! I could feel myself in the story. Write on!
Just want you to know that I really think this applies to all of us. The message "Don't put off today, for tomorrow may never come" is very true. And we are all procrastinators at one thing or another. Well done my friend, keep up the good work!
How True! I loved this poem! You did it perfectly! I especially loved the last four lines: we search him across the globe, HOW TRUE. WHILE he is within us: For Sure. Journey is From Mind to Heart. This is truly well done! Keep up the good work.
Your Friend,
Jazzy
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