I find it intriguing with a very gentle flow to it and material that soothes the mind. You read it with the appropriate breaks and you find it almost hypnotic. I really enjoyed this peice. It was a breath of fresh air. Who in the world has not pondered what ifs. I know everyone has. It is a subject that is very human and identifiable with. The prose is like a gentle breeze. I hope this is close to what you were aspiring to catch. I find it to be calming to the human soul. It reaches to the depth of the human soul. Great work.
I think it's very good. It has good rhythm and good rhyme to it. Last line second stanza seems a little off to me like it needs an extra descriptor. The flow is good as well. Last but not least you leave an imprint of yourself with imagery. Keep on writing.
I honestly love it and can just picture all these beautiful flowers in a garden. I love the smell of flowers and they are cheery and uplifting the rhyme is great and the flow superb. I think you have done a remarkable job portraying a beautiful garden. A garden I would love to be mine.
It starts out really great then loses something halfways through like you've lost your focus and are possibly trying to force it now. Re edit it and I bet you can work out the kinks near the middle to end because you have a rythmn and flow then you just go astray but the imagery is definately there. Good job keep going
Jaybird1
I really like the image it portrayed. It is humorous as well. It has good rhythm with a nice flow to it even though the line spacing is a little odd. I think you got what you were looking for. Good job and I look forward to seeing more of your works around here.
I like the rythmn and flow. It has powerful imagery with an older style of english to it almost sounds like prose or something. Overall I can feel the anguish of this woman and I think that is what you were hoping for. Good job keep writing. Just needs a bit of tweaking.
I really like it and the rythmn and flow is great. You have alot of emotion and true reality to it. I can't help but congratulate you and I think it's worthy as an entry. Keep up the great work. What can I say but the imagery is very clear to me.
Some of it doesn't make sense maybe missing a word here and there; the truth in motion doesn't quite fit; maybe just , the true;it prose ones time is questionable with meaning needs clarity; its prose one at a time maybe?;even if it is a waned or dormant soul perhaps is more fitting; For only readers can tell the meaning of ones expression; take out the But in second last line. See if this helps with flow and rythm even though its not traditional keep working on it its good
It certainly is full of doom and gloom. First stanza last line seems to short and reduces the flow so it gives a choppy feeling. The imagery is very good. I get the emotions loud and clear. try much too powerful to rollover and die. maybe frigid cold night second stanza. Let go of the and in third stanza third line and cower is misspelled. It just needs some tweaking you see what I'm saying to give it better rythm and meter. You can take my suggestion but don't if you feel it alters the meaning or intensity.
This was an awesome poem. It had great flow and good rythm. I was looking for 2 more lines on the end then you threw in the third out of character but works none the less. Maybe throw in one small line similar to the last just before the last line to even it up but keep working out that little kink if you'd like but its still a great peice.
Good peice even though there is no ryhme but has a nice flow and can be interpreted in many different ways when deciding upon a hidden meaning. It can mean different things to many people but overall I like it. If you not comfortable play with the words a little. Don't give up on this peice.
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